Photolog of the day



I chanced upon a picture a few hours before Dhool V commenced and I had a gut feeling that Bharathi was going to do a guest dance and viola - she danced with TGIF and I swear I got so fucking excited that I started jumping around. Honestly, she IS my all-time favourite female dancer in Singapore and bloody hell, she made a comeback to the dance scene after eons and honestly how am I to control my emotions ?! I know I am going to sound as if I'm harbouring some lesbian feelings for Bharathi but shit-hell, she's God-damn HOT ! What a dance was that, man ?! And why so HOT, Bharathi ?. I've always admired her toned body and she is still so toned and her costume, the make-up, the accessories and her dance was just too mindblowing. I honestly cannot get rid of her dance from my head and I'm like suddenly addicted to "manmatha rasa" song. Why Bharathi, why ?. Tsk. And not forgetting, I thought Eswari looked too hot in her green outfit and she danced well too !


Varuthapadatha Valibar Sangam


To be real honest here, this movie is definitely not fantastic at all but I only watched it for Sivakarthikeyan. Firstly, I hate guys with moustache but for some reason, I LOVE Sivakarthikeyan alot and I think he's very very charming - trust me, its not as if he's downright handsome or looks like some hunk but I guess I fell head over heels with his inch-perfect comic sense. I love his comic-sense and it's just too natural and somehow I fell for him. Haha. He's like really very very cute. So the other reason why I really like him is because he started from scratch. He joined as a contestant in a comedy show and won the first prize, took part in a few dance competitions and eventually he landed the job of an anchor in Vijay TV - hosted a couple of shows and people started realising his knack for perfect comedy bits and he went on to star in movies and he has established himself as a talented young hero. So technically, Sivakarthikeyan is actually the epitome of hardwork - sheer hardwork and I respect him alot for that. So at this particular show, he actually broke down because he missed his Dad and apparently the Dad doesn't know that Siva actually does mimicries and has a knack for delivering perfect comedy bits. Well, yeap. I truly respect you Sivakarthikeyan and trust me, your comedy clips REALLY makes me ROFL and I thank you for that :)





One of the most important rule in life.

Photolog of the day


That is Rodrick - my neighbour's son. Well, Rodrick loves to come over to my house and he loves to plunge right into my bed. He loves playing with my 'Stuby(s)'. Well initially I did like Rodrick and my neighbours alot but then right now, I am like starting to loathe Rodrick's dad's typical mentality. Well Rodrick's parents are from India and they are the typical Catholic-Christians so you can imagine how conservative they are. I mean things were good initially but this year I was involved in a talkshow on Vasantham and the discussion was on 'male chauvinism' in the contemporary Indian families in Singapore. I really despise male chauvinists and it is my contention that male chauvinism is still prevalent in our contemporary society - let alone the Indian families. So I did bear my thoughts out in that show. So my neighbour - Rodrick's dad watched the programme and he kept emphasising on how I had highlighted about "girls going out after 11pm". I mean I replied to one of the comments from the participant and asked him why was it wrong for a girl to go out after 11pm - I wanted to know his POV. But my neighbour apparently thinks he could have argued in favour of the seniors and would have increased the validity and depth of the argument.

So I went over to my neighbour's house one day and I was playing with Rodrick and chatting with his Mom when the Dad started the conversation and asked me why girls should go out after 11pm. So I replied that it's up to the respective individual to go out at whatever time they want to and we shouldn't even be segregating the respective sexes in this issue. I mean so what if a girl goes out after 11pm ? That's her own liberty - right ?. But my neighbour dismissed my argument and insisted that it's wrong for a girl to go out after 11pm and it's alright for a guy to go out after 11pm. I was like "uncle, sorry but you're displaying tinge of male chauvinism here" and he went like "no, no matter what guys are guys and girls are girls and only a guy can go out after 11pm. Anyways what is so productive about going out at 11pm ?". Honestly, at that juncture red hot hammers were working inside my head. I was ready to explode - with arguments peppered with alot of rage. But the wife stopped us from arguing any further and he went off to shower.

Ok honestly, when you go out, you either go out to study/work/invest or whatever and that is considered a productive mode of operation. Or you can go out for entertainment alone. I mean how can you see productivity in entertainment ?. I mean yes, happiness increases your endorphin level and all and we can reserve our argument about that at this moment but honestly, why is productivity the main concern here ?. We should enjoy as much as we slog, right ?. So what's his whole argument about ?. Like I know this may sound vulgar or crude but does he engages in sexual intercourse with his wife based on productivity alone ? If that is the case, then she should be giving birth every year. But c'mon - isn't that done for your own pleasure as well ?. So what is so productive about that ?. I swear such irritating Indian expatriate should just stick to their own country or if they choose to work in another country, I believe you should fucking understand our culture and norms.

So very recently he gave a sarcastic comment in the midst of a joke. He mentioned that my mom shouldn't have allowed me to partake in a talkshow on TV because I am a girl and he indirectly said that her upbringing needs some revision. I swear I was fucking pissed and I looked at my mom and she told me not to react with her non-verbal facial cues and I consented to her request with alot of bottled up rage. I mean firstly, who the FUCK do you think you are to give such comments. I mean it wouldn't take me a millisecond to respond back with even more sarcasm. Seriously, such fuckers don't deserve sympathy. I mean I don't want problems and so I tame my own irritation but please, I cannot sell my self-respect or my parent's respect in this issue. So he spoke so 'greatly' about my parent's upbringing - so what about the way they're currently bringing up Rodrick ?. He runs to people's houses just like that, goes to their rooms and messes up the whole house. He even broke a glass in my house, messed up the whole house by spilling the powder bottle, spilled water, broke the plug in my house and many more. The best part is, he is diagnosed with ADHD and the mom actually brings him to school and sits through his school (because he cannot be controlled) and he screams his lungs out from 9am all the way until about 11.30pm. I am not exaggerating here but I am serious. Like if he wants something and the parents don't give it to him - for instance, let's say he wants his dad's phone and the dad refuses to pass it to him and Rodrick would scream his lungs out until his parents pass the phone to him. Well at this juncture, the parents should and can discipline him but apparently, they love him too much to reprimand him. Like WTF ?. Your inability to discipline your child is showing in the way he behaves and trust me, it's AWFUL. Like for an instance, there was once he opened the refrigerator in their house and pulled out a bowl of some condiments and it spilled all over the house and the Mom had mopped the house that day and yet, they didn't chide or reprimand him for his misdeeds instead all they did was "Rodrick why are you doing this ?. I just mopped the house right ?" - in Tamil. Whatever.

I LOVE kids, I really do. It's like my friends always say that I'm a baby magnet because I can always end up playing with every babies/toddlers without any difficulties - I'm even known to have played with babies/toddlers who don't easily open up to people. But for the very first time in my life, I feel like slapping the bitch out of Rodrick. He is cute and I love him but I hate the way he screams his lungs out and is just growing up without any discipline. I swear I feel like giving him a tight slap across his face. But well, haiz. This is really sad because I will never ever get angry with kids but .... gosh.


Bottled Mucus


Actually I was looking around for a picture with mucus but I got disgusted as I chanced upon the Google images and I am certain that alot of you would easily lose your appetite if I had posted those pictures. Hahhaa, see - I'm being such a sweetheart here.

A team recently made some studies based on the interaction between the mucus produced by the intestines and the immune system and it is revealed that it can be used to calm the immune responses. The lead researcher Mr Cerutti mentioned that mucus has the ability to dampen the immune reaction in a specific type of immune cell which may activate the respective immune response. So isn't that cool ?. So right now, the researchers are looking to see if mucus can be used to treat bowel disorders, asthma and other forms of allergies, aggressive tumours eg, colon, ovarian and breast cancer as they produce mucus known as MUC2 and those mucus act as a counter responsive agent because the mucus produced by the malignant cells may prevent protective immune responses against the malignant cells itself. So right now, the researchers are working to see if they can artificially synthesise mucus or create a drug bearing the same effect and stimulate the same reaction in the human body. I mean mucus is readily produced by the body and there are no issues of "rejection" by the cells. Howsoever, this study is still in its infant stage and the researchers are working on it. So the studies pertaining to mucus is very limited and so, I believe it would take a decade or lesser for researchers to come up with a conclusion. So will this hypothesis come true ?. 

See I told you, never underestimate the power of knowledge and inquiry. With advanced knowledge, anything is almost possible. "Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure" - one of my favourite phrase/quote from the 'Harry Potter' book. 

Photo log of the day



A bottle full of milk powder - oh well it was full initially and I ate it until it's like almost half full now. Well, I really like EATING milk powder (yes, you got that right). Like I love anything and everything that can be extra milky. I don't know, I just have this huge penchant for milk/milky stuff. So, I guess only one person would understand that orgasmic-kick in eating milk powder :P


Mid-October

So the date is confirmed - Mid-October it is. I'm like already counting down. This is it - the moment when my childhood dream would come true. I made this decision not because I trust myself but because I trust my Dad way too much on this. So 3 more weeks :) 


Technology - a bane ?

Well a myriad of labels may have been latched onto Edward Snowden's name but his proponents know that this was a classic case of the "whistleblower" who was deemed a tainted misfit by the people who are with the Obama administration with regards to this matter. But then again - the subject that stirred much scrutiny was the sole fact that the nation's security-related data and information was being compromised by the ex-NSA system administrator. So technically, it was concluded that Snowden was just like a terrorist who "sold" his country's defence to satiate his moral crisis. But, there are 2 sides to a coin and I believe the majority of the Americans have decided to back up the Obama administration while the minority are behind Snowden. So who's going to evaluate the issue on the flip side of the coin ?.


So recently some hackers in America stole a plethora of social security numbers of large US data brokers just by cracking into their networks. I am just shell-shocked to note that even the ID details of US First Lady, Michelle Obama was revealed in that attack. I mean a few famous American's ID details were exposed bu honestly, how severe can this get ?. So an initial investigation by a journalist reveals that the data was easily attained by the hackers just from computers that were sitting on top of the data broker's corporate networks. I am just amazed that those computers that stored sensitive data and data that even withholds social security numbers were placed at such compromising positions ?! So further investigation showed that the exposed ".su" apparently bought its information from another site called "SSNDOB". I mean the latter promoted itself as the website that boasted a myriad of private data and can you believe this - data / information of individuals were sold for as little as 50 cents and roughly about 4 million American's data was sold via the data-selling site. 

Technology - boon or bane. You decide. Never trust your eyes. The world is changing even faster than the speed at your blinks.

Hello everyone ! Basically my blog entry is going to be really long today and I've uploaded a few pictures (haha, haven't really done that in years). I'm currently confronted by a fusillade of thoughts and so, I decided to vent them out in my blog. So my readers, feel free to scroll through the "essay" as you may simply label it as or you might employ some(conveniently-done selective reading. Well the onus is on you ;


Photolog of the day - "Helping others really goes a long long long way". 

"The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others" - Albert Schweitzer.



Well, finally my laptop is "up and running". Well basically my brother borrowed my favourite thumbdrive and used it in a cybercafe to save some stuff for printing and some malicious virus or maybe a hailstorm of viruses latched itself onto my drive and when I had used it on my laptop to access some files, it corrupted my whole registry and I was greeted by the "screen of death". So imagine the shell-shocked face of mine whenever the blue screen greeted me. So basically I ran my anti-virus and the problem still existed. I even tried a plethora of registry cleaners, C & D drive cleaners, deleted cookies/temporary files, scanned the system with some other anti-virus softwares but to no avail. So I was pretty stressed up and Deadpool offered to help me out. So I went to his house on Saturday in the evening and we tried all our best to save my data and to sort out my laptop but it was almost impossible to do anything. I left mid-way to meet some friends and I returned back to his place (all this while he was working on my laptop) and still, we couldn't sort it out.


The main idea was, I posted a funny Facebook status saying something like : "my laptop crashed (and all my files are at a compromising stage) and I cannot believe I ate 2 ice creams just to handle that depressive period. Tsk". A series of Facebook messages started pouring in from concerned users and 4 people offered to help me out (Hassan bro, Deadpool, Gopi and Navin). So that was when I tried everything possible within my means to work it out all by myself and after the failed attempt, I decided to ask Deadpool to help and since we couldn't sort out things, I replied to Hassan bro. Basically Deadpool told me that we might have to re-format my whole laptop back to its factory settings and then transfer my backed up data. But unfortunately, I didn't have my recovery CD which meant that I might have to purchase an OS CD (windows). So I was kinda lost. I explained the situation to Hassan bro and he told me that he can do it - he told me he can bring back my laptop from the "dead". So I agreed to meet him the next day.



So in case anyone is wondering who Hassan bro is and why was he even wanting to help me out - here's a mini bit from me. Basically in 2011, I agreed to help the 3 guys above to star in their music video entitled "Facebook Kadhalee" (Facebook lover). From left : Romeo Saran, myself and Dj Funkysara (Btw, I wasn't wearing slippers in that shots).Well Funkysara is a household name. Many of us would have heard of his remixed songs and he even danced for Acidhouz and Geethanjali back then and now he's into rapping. Romeo Saran was just a remixer who was trying out editing and all - well right now he is doing well. He recently won 3rd prize in the Dhool V audio track competition jointly organised by Vasantham and Oli 96.8FM. So at that point in time, I placed high hoped on the credibility of the project but when I went down for the shoot, I realised that it was an amateur attempt. But I never belittle passionate people or people with alot of love and passion for the Arts. So I decided to be all professional and helped them out.



So that was when I met Hassan bro. He was the Director of Photography (or rather, the cameraman) in that project. Basically I had a soft spot for him because he was really young and he was carrying the camera and all the associated equipment from location to location and I was admiring his passion. I mean things work differently in a professional project but you really get to notice the amount of hardwork the budding/aspiring passionate people put in an amateur project. At that point in time, I did my first lead role in Vasantham with the "Ennule" episode and I was quite popular with people and Hassan bro was literally afraid of me - he was literally putting me on a pedestal at that point in time and was like doing things for my own comfortability. I mean I don't know how other people react but I will always be the same old me no matter how many professional projects I may have done. I mean that is just me. So well, yes, I was impressed with Hassan bro's hardwork and I remember praising him and I did give him some tips here and there.

So on Saturday he dropped me a Facebook message and I replied on Sunday and I agreed to meet him near his workplace or his home on Monday because I was asking him for a favour and I didn't want him to travel. So he ended work much earlier on Monday morning and I told him that I would come straight to Bugis (he lives right behind Bugis+) and I was reaching Bugis when I texted him and his "last seen" on 'What App' was like 30 minutes earlier and I thought he might have dozed off especially since he was back from night shift. So I called him a few times and he didn't pick up. So I ended up loitering at Tekka and I went over to Sim Lim Square to look around when he called me like 1 hour 20 minutes later. He felt so bad for making me wait and I felt really sad that I was troubling a guy who just ended his night shift. So we met and I passed him my laptop and I explained my problems to him. So I told him that I was going to shop around a while and he told me that he would try to fix my laptop as fast as he could and that he would message me when he is done. So I was done with my shopping and I was on my way home when I realised that I had forgotten to message him. So I dropped him a text and he replied with "oh Sis, if you can give me 30 minutes I would be done". I was truly appalled at how fast he ended up doing it. I mean he only took about 1 hour to get everything done.

Frankly, he was (and is) a gem of a guy ! He was really tired from his work and yet he worked through his sleep just for me and he even installed important softwares into my laptop when he reformatted my it. The best thing was, he did a 'technical rehabilitation' of my laptop free of charge. I swear I was really so so so so touched by his kind gesture. I mean, firstly its not even his duty to help me out. He didn't even have a need to help me out at all. But the help that I offered boomeranged back to me at the highest order. I mean, based on the current state of turbulence my opinion of "help" had changed - you might call that cognitive dissonance. But my opinion has been reinstated - all thanks to this act alone. I am truly so touched by Hassan bro. Bro, I know I thanked you a plethora of times but, seriously, thank you so so so much again. That selfless act truly means alot to me. Thank you so much.



Well that was the promotional poster for 'Facebook Kadhalee". Hassan bro and Romeo Saran literally used a Facebook format to get it done. Haha :P



So that being said, Deadpool thank you so much for that assistance. I mean honestly, you don't have a need to help me out too but you went all the way. Hahaha, we spent like almost 8 hours trying to work on my laptop. Really, thank you so much for it. Really means alot to me. And, I am in love with April. She really stole my heart (see she even posed for me in this picture). Well Deadpool was complaining and said that "I was reading that entry n was thinking "kastapattu laptop'eh fix pannunathu naaa.... aana April'mattum blog'le entry aayirukku". Hahahha, sorry Deadpool, your April is too cute and besides, I didn't take a picture of you. Hehehehe. But well, right now I did thank you in my entry right ?. See you got featured ! Hahaha. Extra space as compared to April :P


MARRIAGE / COMMITMENTS / RELATIONSHIPS




Basically, I am truly upset with a friend of mine. We're not in talking terms now. A few months back I had sent him a message on Facebook and I told him that I was thankful for the times when he was there for me and I told him that I was exasperated with his ridiculous acts and that I hope we do not cross paths and I wished him all the very best for his future endeavours. But somehow, fate always comes with its own game plan. On Monday I woke up to a Facebook message from a very unlikely friend and I was shocked and when I read the content of the message I was a little perplexed. I mean I was wondering why she had decided to do that thing that she did. So I chatted with her and each message from then on truly shocked me so much that I almost got dizzy. I swear I got dizzy. So at this juncture, I really am so disturbed by the turn of events. Once upon a time, I shared my feelings with some people from my old clique about a certain couple and how I thought things were going at a breakneck speed and of course, people thought I was too preoccupied about their lives and yes, that left me annoyed but looking back now, I realised that I was just SPOT ON with my instincts and with my superficial deductions of the whole situation. I mean, I wasn't preoccupied with their lives but rather, I was a concerned friend. I was truly concerned because I knew him too well to know that this was just going too fast. Too fast for him to handle. Oh well, yes - I don't talk to him, my old clique cares a shit about him and what not. But I cannot like pretend that I am not disturbed - can I ?. He was my friend and I DID care about him although he annoyed me too many times. 

So right now, I just want to vent out my thoughts. Well maybe some day I might find myself in the same situation and this entry will help me out then ?. I don't know but it might. 

WHY RUSH ?

Ok honestly, at this point in time I see that my newsfeed is often flooded with ROM pictures, pictures of friends entering the wedlock, pictures of their newborns and what not. Well, I love to see such happy occasions. Like I know I shed tears of joy when I saw my cousins say "I do". I love such occasions but wait - why do people rush ?. I mean I see that alot of people get into a relationship for 5 months, then get ROMed and then married. I mean, are you fucking serious ?. Some even get married just because they got their partner pregnant. I mean, do you people realise that there is something called "life after marriage" ?. It is DEFINITELY not the same as how it was when you people were in a relationship. It is alot more different that you can possibly imagine. Yes I am not married and I probably wouldn't know but hello - if you have the brains you might be able to make some concrete deductions from observations, experimental studies and even case studies !.

Like I personally wouldn't encourage a young couple (in their 16-20) to contemplate on entering the wedlock just because they got their partners pregnant. I would rather you abort the foetus/fetus. Yes, it is against my principle but principles will have to be re-evaluated when reality hits you hard across your face. Trust me, it is definitely so easy for the opponents of abortion to say "OMG, you're killing a life" and whatnot. But when you're 16-20, how do you even expect to raise that child ?. Do you want to compromise the standard of a quality life offered to that poor child ?. And at 16-20 - do you really think these couples will remain intact and grow old together ?. Obviously not. Their immaturity led to such a disastrous act and they would soon start to mature and their decisions would change and do you really think its fair for the poor child to be naturally prescribed to the course of their respective decisions ? In addition, what might the financial status of a 16-20 be like ?. The guy might be studying or might be in NS and your meager pay would suffice the needs of a child ? How about the Mom - do you really think you can provide for the means of the child ? You might leave school to find a job - a job that suits your incomplete education and do you really think you can provide for the child ?. Your own financial status would come back to bite you in the ARSE and marital problems would appear and form a crack in your relationship. The crack would permeate through and eventually break your home. Do you really want all this ?. Why change the fate of an innocent child with a stupid decision of yours ?. C'mon, this is when I think reality should be embraced and thoughts should be crystallized and then evaluated and eventually, carried out. Honestly, I would rather you abort the poor child than to get him/her to go through shit with you. Well, you would eventually be punished with a lifelong of psychological and emotional trauma - an extra emotional baggage to be carried forth throughout your life - right ?. Yes, I may seem extremely judgmental here, but too many cases have intensified my judgments. 

Also, for those who're 21-30 - yes marriage might be on your cards but honestly, please think through before you choose to act upon it. I mean, I for one believe that you should be at a position to support yourself before you choose to embark on a whole new chapter of your life. Once you have secured the financial statuses of both partners, you need to think of the "life after marriage" and then reaffirm your decision. I mean yes, when you're in a relationship you cannot wait to get married. I definitely never dreamt of a marriage until I got attached back then and I know that I used to talk about marriage, the house we would live, the holidays we would go for, the kids we would have, etc etc when I was attached to my ex. But honestly, I would have evaluated alot of things before choosing to get married. I know I would have. But c'mon, love is a journey and marriage is just like an elevation of a whole new chapter - I mean it's like compressing 2 different books together to create a different chapter and the "story" doesn't end until the last page. I hate seeing couples who have no clear idea of a future entering the wedlock. I mean, why ?. Is it because people say 'love should end in marriage' that your focus is somehow tuned to scrutinise the latter ?. Oh please, c'mon. For me, I personally believe that I should have my degree, a career and a certain amount of money in the bank before I enter my wedlock and I know I will never change that opinion even if I am happily in love with a millionaire and whatnot ?. Well I've worked in law firms before I know how messy divorces can get. I mean, we're at the era where divorces are inevitable. It's not about the "we will make this work" but rather, its the "you got a problem with me, well I am going to see someone else or we should file for divorce under the "irreconcilable differences" and you and I should walk the separate paths henceforth" phase. I hate seeing the ladies beg their partners for maintenance for themselves and their kids and even file a report against their partners for not paying the maintenance. I have seen how the bastards of the husbands laughing out to me saying that even after the divorce their wives are still at their mercy. I mean I HATE to witness such a scenario. I really loathe it. I personally think both guys and girls should have their own fucking self-respect intact. What is the point of begging for maintenance from your former spouse ?. C'mon. If you know you can sustain yourself (with a career propelled by your good education) and your savings, then do you think you got to beg your spouse for money ?. At this juncture, your self-respect would remain intact. Well it's up to the goodwill of your spouse to contribute to the educational means of his/her child if he/she wants to but that should be the limit. Well, I don't know but this is my belief. 

Or imagine, your spouse dies mid-way into the early stages of your married life. Your shared income would be severely crippled and shouldn't you be at a position where you can sustain yourself ? Well your family can support you but for how long ?. 

Next, "life after marriage" also consist of merging the behaviours and mannerisms of your partners and being able to stay put in the same house. I mean alot of people focus so much on the renovations for their new houses, the furniture, the big-screen plasma TV, the tiles and what not. But not many think about the "life after it all". For an instance, I cannot stand a dirty toilet - I expect my family members to clean the toilet - with water at least when they're done with their "shit", I am particular about cleanliness (I'm not a clean freak) but I cannot tolerate a messy sink, overflowing rubbish bag or whatsoever and my partner may end up to be quite of the opposite and this difference - as minute as it may be - can actually lead to fights. The smallest things truly matter when you live under the same roof. Honestly, marriage is not about having hot sex with your dream partner, cooking for each other and whatever romantic things your mind can conjure up but its MORE than that. Its about cleaning up the mess after a hot sex, its about tolerating the snores, the smelly farts, the nosy relatives, the funny behaviours of your partners (like imagine your partner has the tendency to wake up exactly at 3.14 am and dance to 'Oppa Gangnam' style before heading back to sleep - I mean yes I may over-exaggerate here but you will never know what kind of funny mannerisms and behaviours your partners may have) and etc. Well its infact more than what I have even written out - life after marriage is more than that. So it's not going to be all "flowery" and there would be a plethora of grey patches here and there and of course, fate has its own game play - you would never know. 

So at this juncture, I really want to know how many couples have thought through about all this - especially after the "life" after marriage. Trust me, no one likes their marriage to end up in a divorce but if you do not plan well, then problems would appear and it would eventually ruin your marriage and with the advent of social media platforms and the popularised idea of "friends with benefits" and "no-strings attached relationships", its alot easier for people to cheat on their partners and it would eventually exacerbate the marital torture. I mean yes, this whole train of thought might be random but the idea got tapped as I analysed my friend's situation from afar. Marriage is definitely not a piece-of-cake but rather, a concerted effort of both partners and you would minimise the possibility of a crack in your marriage as long as you have planned for the life after marriage. I am using the word "minimise" here because sometimes, somethings are beyond our control - especially emotions. 


DECEPTION



Ok I am not going to mention names but I am truly disgusted with a well-known 'Vasantham' celebrity. A friend of mine had a brilliant idea for a business venture and he shared the idea with his friend (the celebrity). The celebrity thought that the idea was good and he asked my friend to explain more. So my friend really trusted the celebrity and showed him his proposal, the idea of the business venture and the contact list. So that celebrity told him that the idea was really good and all. So a few days later, my friend was informed that the celebrity had registered for the business. So my friend thought that all was good and that they were the partners. Oh it is a big business venture and an organisational chart had to be drawn. So my friend had the chance to look at the organisational chart and to his horror, that celebrity included his whole family into the business. He was the director and the CEO, accountants, managers/HR executives were all from his family and the hierarchical channel was a long one and my friend's name wasn't included in it at all. 


I trust my friend because it was a first-hand information and well - of course I know it all (and I can't explain any further). Basically I am sure if the business is executed well, it will really be a successful venture. I mean I believe in the idea and I am just hella sure it would run - if you execute it well. Since the celebrity is a well-known celebrity, he can always use his "image" to garner in the contacts and with his contacts he can always market his business well.

So at this juncture, I truly pity my friend. Trust ? I guess you need to know who to trust at the very end of the day. I mean the deceptive ones do not reveal their masks when you first meet them - they only remove their veil when you're in hot waters - right ?. Food for thought :)

Photo log of the day





So guess who decided to join in the fray (I'm using the word "fray" for a reason which only some can comprehend). Well since I'm a newbie to "April" (that's her name), she pounced on me to sniff me and all and I swear I almost peed on my jeans. I mean I have a phobia of the way dogs pounce on me and I had to face my worst fear on Saturday. So, April got comfortable with me and I swear, she's soooo adorable. She really stole my heart. Oh I am also naturally afraid of dog's cuspids and well, she used her mouth to cling on to my fingers and although I was soooo afraid of her cuspids, I realised that that was the way she and some other dogs play with us. So she's the first to play with my fingers. Hahahaha. Well at one point in time, she was lying on the floor and I made eye contact with her and I tapped the bed and called out to her saying "April come here" and she actually wagged her tail and jumped right onto my lap. I swear she was sooooo cute that I could have squeezed her to death. Ahhhh soooo adorable.

So right now, it's a tough competition between Maltese, Shih Tzu, Silky terrier or Toy Poddle ! I am confused. Oh, I posted the picture of April on Facebook and said she's an adorable Toy Poddle and dearest Nesha actually went like "OMG, she's a toy. She looks just like a real dog". Frankly, that comment really made me ROFL. Hahahahaha. So adorable :P


I hate losing. I will only lose to comeback with a win later ;)

Photolog of the day

Actually I wanted to post another picture and write a short passage about it but all of a sudden a very beautiful message popped up and well .. I decided to write about it instead. So just to set the records straight - this is not to boast, display unwanted publicity or whatever your mind can conjure up but rather ... to me its a very beautiful message which went straight to my heart.




It might be a very normal message for many but to me, this is a very important and beautiful message that literally went straight to my heart. In this moment of extreme turbulence, this message definitely (and literally) lifted up my soul. I don't know, just one word to describe it all - LOVE. Unconditional love that can never waver.

So that being said, that message really brought back some of my beautiful memories - memories I hold too close to my heart.




Valentine's Day 2011. Basically I was dreading that year's Valentine's Day because I became newly single and I was going through a very bad period - an emotional upheaval, a myriad of mixed emotions - basically just someone who was not keen to look forward to another day. So I went to use the toilet and when I returned back, my boss told me that a delivery guy delivered some flowers and a card for Valentine's Day. I was confused (because I knew deep down that my ex wouldn't do such a thing but ... yea). I went straight to read the card and that was exactly what I saw and at that moment, I really broke down. I had to go to the toilet again because I couldn't control my emotions. I mean anyone might be able to emulate this same act but well, he didn't have a need to surprise his sister with such a beautiful, heart-wrenching act but he chose to - probably because of one thing - pure love. So that meant alot to me. Right up to this day, I can never forget the words on the card and the way I really broke down. I mean when you're emotionally messed up, such messages can really offer that glimpse of hope - on that day, it really really offered that hope and it did touch my heart and well, beyond that actually. It went straight to my soul. It was like a panacea for the shattered soul.




Well I may look like crap in this picture because I was crying badly before this picture was clicked. I mean when I saw him, I couldn't control my emotions and I ran and pounced on him. I was literally hugging him and crying out so much. Emotions. I don't know - I don't believe in holding back my emotions. So at that juncture, I was just ... gone. Too overwhelmed with emotions that my surroundings became too oblivious to me. Yeap, the brother with no blood ties who never faltered. The brother who really really makes me hate the phrase "blood is thicker than water". I mean many times I was tempted to use that phrase but then I cannot use it because he is my perfect example of someone who can love another without the existence of a blood relation. So yeap. I love you, brother. Always will. This is my unwavering stand - as always.


A story of a champion who kept coming back despite the odds :)

Photolog of the day - Man Utd vs Bayer Leverkusen.




Just look at my team ! Well it was Fellaini's debut in the Champions League group stages with Man Utd and we boasted the return of Kagawa. Well well ..... I sincerely think this is a very strong line up. We have Carrick and Fellaini in the DMF position and honestly, Fellaini was excellent in DMF and seriously, he IS the aerial king - what an aerial presence was that ?! So I think Kagawa adds the creative sparks in our attack and Valencia was amazing - he is back to his older form and we have the goal scoring machines in RVP and Rooney. But I was absolutely livid with our leaky defence. KNN ! We won 4-2 but I personally think we could have trashed them 6-0 if both Rs had not missed their open goals and with a stable defence.




So guess what - Mr ROONEY - MY BULLDOZER is back ! He scored a brace and his 200th goal for United. When he scored for United I swear I shed a tear cos I really love ROONEY and I could relate to his low self-esteem some time ago and I really really wanted him to score to regain his confidence level and Gosh ..... he did it man ! He scored 2 goals and even assisted Valencia and that pass was MAGNIFICENT ! I am so so so so happy for you ROONEY.  In my opinion, you are the most instrumental player in our team and I can never imagine you playing for another club. So I really hope you would stay and retire in United. Woooohoooo, ROONEY was the MAN OF THE MATCH ! Ahhhh... I am just so happy for you Wazza ;) ! He is the MAN #10



Ok I really miss being a kid. I was just thinking about all those things I could be doing as a kid and I suddenly miss being a kid.


 
That is a baby me with my Dad at my Grandpa's house and apparently I was playing with my Dad when this picture was taken and for some reason, I kinda miss sucking onto a pacifier. I don't know, I just really miss being a kid. I wish I can be carried around, be much closer to my parents, just all all-day long, be stress-free, handle petty heartbreaks like less time in the playground ... I MISS BEING FED - I love being fed because I think that is a clear representation of love and I miss it so much ... I wish my Mom can just feed me all over again, carry me to school, ohh ... accidentally shitting onto my grandma's hair .. hahaha, scaring the whole family (they thought I had been kidnapped because I was lost) and ending up sitting inside the refrigerator because I had been intrigued by the lights and so much more. In short, I miss being a kid .... a real mischievous kid ;)




And then I realised that I had a picture of myself with a pacifier but then again, maybe not as cute as I was as a kid. Well I miss being a kid. I can't believe I am going to turn 27 ... like HELLO - I am not ready to be 27. It's like the world is asking me to be 27 because I have lived for 27 years. But you rushed me to grow up so fast. I had the best childhood ever but my childhood got ruined as I entered Primary 1 and I was suddenly forced to study so hard for my PSLE and then my N and O levels, my A levels and sooner or later, I was forced to work and study. I mean did you bother to find out if I am ready to be 27 ?. I am like forced to grow old because I was born in January and because I was born in 1987 ?! Fuck you, I still feel as though I am like ... 6 ?! Look, honestly I want to play ! I want to wake up in the late afternoon - (cos I hate mornings) and I want to be carried to the toilet, use strawberry-flavoured tooth paste to brush my teeth, be fed by my Mom, watch cartoons on TV, then play with the neighbourhood kids, accidentally soil my diaper (well, I swear I will be wearing a diaper even if I am/was 6 - I think diapers are cool - I would gladly wear one now and walk around shaking my heavily-diapered butt), roll on the floor, I love crawling by the way .. I would really crawl everywhere now if its possible, get carried to the bathroom to get showered by my Mom, then get a powder-wrap, run around the house, blow bubbles using my saliva, jump around, bully my brother, sneak to the kitchen and watch my Mom cooking and running to the door as Dad gets home ... and just much more. Ok, I miss being a kid. Haiz. Seriously, I don't want to blow out candles anymore ! A birthday cake and candles really remind me of my dilemma of being forced to grow up and sadly -oh well .. forced to grow up yea but I am NOT READY nor do I even wanna grow up ... do you get that ?. Stupid bearded-fellow. Ok la, I shouldn't be scolding you because you would just fuck my life up right ?. Ok sorry, I'll buy you chocolates. Ok just make sure I don't lose my sense of humour and mischief. I love playing pranks on people, I love being mischievous .. Ok ?! So please ah.


"In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play".  ~Friedrich Nietzsche


"A child's world is fresh and new and beautiful, full of wonder and excitement.  It is our misfortune that for most of us that clear-eyed vision, that true instinct for what is beautiful and awe-inspiring, is dimmed and even lost before we reach adulthood".  ~Rachel Carson

Photolog of the day.




Fried ice cream and they had 2 chocolate-flavoured fried puffs, 2 strawberry-flavoured fried puffs and 1 vanilla flavoured fried puffs. So we ended up "fighting" for the our favourite flavour. So what can I say ?. This girl shares too many similarities with me and it really makes me go like "dei, that is spooky" at times. Well she thinks that I shouldn't be using the word, "spooky" especially since it showcases negativity. Oh well :P ! And the best thing is, in 3 months time she is going to get married and she is moving to .... hahahaha ! Welcome to my area dei ! I mean this is unbelievable but she's going to be literally too near me that I think I can often run to her house and back. Wooohooo .... meant to be ? :P

Good news

Ok, I got a certain good news to share but I decided to hold on to it till I get accredited for it but for some reason, I decided to let Moo know about it and well, I am just waiting for it to be ...... and I can officially publish it here :)





Sorry, I just had to. Many people around us are guilty of venting their frustrations, rage, sharing their sorrows, thoughts and etc on the social media platforms like "Facebook", "Twitter", "Instagram", "blogs" and so on. So for those who HAD shared such stuff on the social media platforms, I honestly think you should jolly well shut the fuck up. Don't come and act like a martyr of social causes by educating people around you on what exactly social media etiquette is all about. Seriously why of all people, YOU are being this HYPOCRITICAL ?. Think carefully before you jump into such stupid conclusions. Yes, I am fucking disappointed with you (not even pissed la but extremely disappointed), so please don't add on to it because I am starting to feel disgusted.


Like I said, if you cannot handle my rants, then DON'T FUCKING VISIT MY BLOG. I just don't understand why do you people have to visit my blog, catch up on my entries religiously and then choose to bitch about it and me. I mean, why ?. Why the fuck are you soooooo bothered about my blog or my thoughts ?. Seriously, move on and get a life. Geez.

Photolog of the day. Now this is going to be really interesting. So stay tuned. 




Well although there might be a plethora of controversial arguments going on about whether Shakespeare did mention the above-mentioned quote but well, who cares ? Isn't it the truth afterall ?. Expectation leads to disappointment which eventually leads to heartache. So expectation is indeed the root of all heartache, eh ?.




For an instance, you may love the taste of 'Maggi' instant noodles. You may have a certain expectation on it - on its taste, flavours, ingredients and etc.



So at this juncture, can you place the exact expectation on this "Mama" instant noodle ?. No right ?. I mean both belong to the same group of noodles but then again, obviously there IS a difference between the "Maggi" and "Mama" noodles, right ?. So bottom line is, the packaging and even the advertisement may be appealing but "Maggi" noodles always has its own standards and it's really stupid to place the exact same expectation of "Maggi" noodles on "Mama" noodles. So at the very end of the day, we should carefully evaluate the standards of varying "noodles" before we choose to place our expectations - I mean who would want to get disappointed at the very end of the day ?. I mean afterall, "road-lae porae naayai kulipaati nadu veetilae vaithaalum athu thirupi roadthuku thaan pogum". So why chase after the stray dogs ? At the very end of the day, "naamae nonthu poonae noodles-aga vendiyathuthaan".


"When the tune is catchy"



It is always easier to dance to people's tunes. The challenge is in standing up to what threads the path of justice and unfortunately, I am convinced that majority of the people around us would rather stick to the path of absolute convenience. The funniest part is, they won't even realise the tune they had been dancing for until the tune goes out-dated. Well, too bad. I thought there was alot of difference between animals and human beings because of that one thing called, "common sense" but well, sometimes you shouldn't underestimate the power of organised stupidity. I mean can you believe how organised stupidity killed a gargantuan amount of people over the years ?.


Straight to the point



I have given alot of thoughts over the past few days and I did speak to a few people and then I gathered a few thoughts. Now this is going to be a well-mapped out entry eh.

#1: Cos' I got the guts. 

So mama... listen, I got the guts to bear my heart out on my portal. I mean I DO have a private blog and you can never imagine the extent of rants there. But if I had wanted to, I could have limited alot of entries to my private blog. So what would I have gained from it ?. A good name ?. Why would I want to achieve a good name by showcasing all my hatred into my private blog and acting all so hypocritical ?. So if the latter would place me on a pedestal then I fucking don't need it.I'm sorry ah, but I don't know how to angkat bolas as well as you. Sorry la pal. So listen ah, if people had brains then they would have read between the lines of my entries and would have been able to filter out my stand but if you're so pre-occupied with the "catchy tunes" from one end, then too bad, you would probably place a severe eye-wash over the entries. Then that's your fucking fault. So don't transfer your fault to me.

#2 : Cos' I know who is on my side and who is not

Next, I am not starting a party to gather to most amount of people who're going to be on my side. Like I mentioned a umpteenth time over and over again, I know who are there for me. So that's enough. Now that is the bond that I am talking about. I mean I believe they also had the platform of convenience to suck up to but they did not. So I have my utmost respect for them. I don't need to provide an eye-wash over the amount of people on my side. I just don't need to. All this while, I EARNED the friendship. I did not beg people to side me based on sympathy or convenience.


#3 : If you walk out you jolly well don't return back unless you got a VERY VERY good reason to

Firstly, like I had always emphasised, if you walked out of the back door on your own accord, then I am sure you would return - I mean if my bond with you is true, then yes, it would happen. But if I had chased you from the front door then I would spit on your face even if you return from the front door. Right now I have already chased some people out of my life and I don't ever want to have anything to do with them because I've seen their true colours and from where I stand, alot of things look too clear to be true. So why carry the baggage and move on in life ?. Yes ? So for those who walked out of the back door don't expect to return easily. The Vitz who used to forgive easily had died on the 11th of May 2013. So don't expect too much of generosity from my end - unless your reasons are too valid for me to deny.

#4 : Don't amplify your misery to downplay the misery and damage you have inflicted on others


Seriously, when you perpetuated and manipulated a situation to suit your needs, then don't ever gather the cheek to downplay the misery and damage you have inflicted on others. I am the victim here and I will exercise the liberty to express my sincerest thoughts out REAL loud. I know the amount of misery I was put to go through with and I know the extent of the damages you made me go through, so don't downplay it with the amplified version of your misery. Douche-bag !

#5 : MY BLOG, My rights

Let me make this crystal clear once and for all. This is my blog - my public blog and I will post whatever I want to unless MDA wants me to adhere to the new licensing scheme. Like I have said, I standby each and every word that I have typed out. Firstly, if you want to sneak up like a dog and read all my post or even choose to follow up then its your own problem. I don't believe I have ever invited anyone to read my blog so religiously. And remember, it's my PREROGATIVE to bear my heart out. So don't come and tell me what I should and should not do. Like I said, if you don't have the fucking guts to ask me anything about my entries and instead choose to jump into baseless conclusions then it's your own God-damn problem. Likewise, I may have shown my rage and pain in some entries and its MY BLOG for Pete's sake, so if you want to whine out loud then it's your own problem. Like I have said, don't AMPLIFY your misery to downplay the misery and damages that you have inflicted on others. That is CHEAP. Really really so cheap. I am not begging you to read my blog and to catch up on my life. If you're so bothered about my life, what I do, who I talk to and whatever shit then it's your problem - not mine ;) !


I LOVE CHALLENGES






Firstly, I have always love challenges. I have always loved working so hard just to fulfill my own goals. Well it might be part of my Capricorn-ian traits. But right now, I should really thank you for fueling my fire. Thank you so much for doubting my own capabilities. "About the person you were, what you could have been" and "you have lost everything to turn into being a negative person". But if your definition of "lost everything" is based on the relationship that I have thrown out then I have nothing to say. But if you're talking about my own goals, my own capabilities, my own calibre, my own life then let me tell you this, thank you for giving me that extra ounce of fury to work even harder. I don't boast till I have achieved and once I have achieved the goal I had badly wanted to, the standard that I had wanted to reach to then I know I would come back and look at you right into your eye and ask you the exact same question. I would. Mark my words. I really would. If you call this revenge then trust me, revenge is a dish best served COLD.

So till we meet again, bye. 


To the rest of my readers, Happy Onam ! Happy Onam my dearest angelic Chinnamma. I love you to bits.

Photolog of the day.



Hate. Yes, there might be people whom you may hate for a myriad of reasons. I have my own list of people whom I despise alot but right now, right at this juncture, this very moment, YOU HAVE TOPPED MY LIST OF PEOPLE I TRULY LOATHE RIGHT FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. I really hate you so so so much. This hatred has extended to the point of no return. YOU single-handedly perpetuated a whole list of events and caused too much of damage for me. I don't care. No matter what veil you may pull over yourself to justify your act or the number of people on your side who may give you the cushion - I don't care !. You simply ruined things I had built over the years. People see the repercussion of your act via my posts but no one sees who even perpetuated this whole issue. Throughout time you had always shameless perpetuated too many issues and I had paid the price with your character assassination. My hatred may not mean a thing to you but guess what, it means the world to me. I never thought I could hate someone this much but thanks to you, now I know. I want to bring this hatred to my grave because I will NEVER want to appease this hatred or anger in this lifetime.

Only I know the depth of my own pain and gain. This hurt and pain works both ways and I don't think much regard must only be given to the hurt and pain that came from one end. Whatever. What more is left with all those damages you had caused me ?. It may be your tide now but I can assure you, my tide will come real soon and I will ensure it does. But, thank you for all this. Really. You were the best, the bestest ever. I give this to you because no one can emulate your strategies.

This is not going to be a photolog but rather, a certain clarification to some comments I received a while ago.




#1: I have since day one been the same old person.

I don't understand why people may think that I am a different person now. I have always been a hot-tempered person. I had always been me. I don't take pride in being someone else. No matter how hard others try, they can never be me or no matter how hard I try, I can never be another person. I have no new image or so. I am still the same person I had been when you first saw me. Perhaps, my beliefs have changed. My belief on things that I had held close to my chest have changed due to the incidents that I had seen as I grew up.

#2: I am not blogging to make anyone jealous or to create a new image of myself

I am clearly not blogging to make anyone jealous of my new lifestyle or my new image. I mean there is nothing new in my life and I don't understand it. I had always loved blogging and after some incidents my blog for blogging had been rekindled and so I am blogging and as part of my pact with my Moo, I upload photologs. So I don't understand why this is seen as a mechanism to induce jealousy in people.

#3: I do not regret my old posts. I still stand tall on what I had mentioned all along

I may have been extremely rude on some of my posts and I may have been seen to execute alot of negativity in my posts. But honestly, those were the consequences of my feelings and my state of mind at that juncture. I am the victim in this whole fight and I have the rights to be angry and upset. I didn't directly cause any harm to my old clique and an individual's inability to handle a "crisis" caused this dilemma to me and till now, I have the rights to be extremely angry and upset. I have no respect for people who conveniently chose to take sides and lie straight to my face. Let me make it clear - I DO NOT RESPECT YOU at all. If you had truly acted as a friend and shown parity then I swear, I would have understood your position. Your convenient blindness has gotten to me real bad and I am entitled to show my feelings.

#4: My life from now and beyond


Firstly, I am transparent about my feelings. If I hate you I would show it. I cannot act like a hypocrite and behave as if I like you. I would try to accommodate to your needs if I have no choice but you will never be my close friend. That is just me. So if my posts had distanced my friends from me, then so be it. Some people relied on convenient bases to establish a stand, so be it. I cannot change myself to suit the world's demand and needs. I have friends who became close to me based on my posts itself. So for those convenient-loaders, you can carry on with your game because I have no time to play it with you.

All in all, I have always been true to my conscience. When I err, my conscience kills me and when I don't it perks me up. Like I said, I don't regret my emotions, my posts or my feelings. I still stand tall. At the end of the day, I know I was honest to my conscience and I am only answerable to my conscience and to the supreme Lord whom I will meet on my Judgment Day. Simple.

In 3 months time I will be inviting a better 2014. I am truly happy to welcome the new year as the exact person as I am. Even my 27th birthday will definitely be so different from the past but I know that deep down I will be very happy with the way my life had paved out for me. From this distance, I have learnt a tad too many things and I am sure I will look forward to a better year and beyond. Some people come to your life as a blessing and some as a lesson. At this juncture, I know who were my blessings and painful lessons. For those who had truly been there for me throughout my ups and downs, I will always be there for you. That is just me. When I turn around now, I see a crystal clear image of the silhouettes of those who had been there and continue to be there and those people would be part of my life throughout. This wasn't a mere petty fight but it was definitely a turning point in my life.

Last but not least, pain and hurt works both ways too.

Photolog for the day (as per #30)

RIP, Adrian Dhanaraj. I'm literally choking with my own emotions as I say it ... but you fought a real tough battle, hero !





Adrian was just 29 when he passed on last night at 10pm. Last year on the 3rd of September, on his birthday itself, he discovered a lump on his neck and sooner, he was diagnosed with Stage 2 Hodgkin's lymphoma. It's really so painful to note that he had passed on because he was really really so positive and he even enrolled into SIM because he knew he was going to beat cancer. But well ...

"The very first time I found out that I had cancer was much harder to take. I woke up on the morning of my birthday and felt so healthy. Before I knew it, I was going for chemotherapy." "Twice a day, he pumped iron to keep his body toned. Sandwiched in between was a 5km run that gave him a sense of normality despite his illness." Adrian Dhanaraj might have lost the battle but he fought a very good fight. A very, very good fight. What would you do if you wake up tomorrow knowing that you've got a cancer that's threatening to take your life away? Would you let yourself go or would you be more determined to take control of your life?

Rest in peace, hero. You fought a good fight. Love you :'( !

I wanted to rant out more but I'm totally choking on my own emotions. So adioz for now.

First and foremost, Happy Birthday, Vinayagar !! I just love the way the baby Vinayagar is pushing his butt out in this picture. So cute. For some reason, I just feel like biting his butt cheeks. Don't know ah, just too cute :P !



This was taken during last year's Vinayagar Chathurthi and well it was a very memorable day. Firstly I love the Layan Sithi Vinayagar temple at Outram Park. I mean the Vinayagar knows alot about me - that I am certain and for some reason, I feel very much connected to that temple. So last year, after so many years and even months, he made me see someone. I was "blessed" to see someone from far (but I don't know if that someone actually saw me way before I actually saw him) and that someone decided to just ignore and walk right infront of me. Well I don't know but at least, after a very long time I saw that someone and it actually mindfucked me because I started to think about the past and emo. Firstly that someone doesn't pray at all and doesn't come to the temple and of all days, I had to see that someone at my favourite temple so unexpectedly. So well, it happens. But well, one that day I realised the distance that crept between us ... I mean we started off as strangers, the friendship grew with a smile, a bond was established, beautiful moments were shared and suddenly we were back to square one - from where we had started from - strangers. But of course, this time it was different, it was like a stranger I knew.How time changes everything, eh ? ;)


Photolog for the day (as per #30)




My students. Well, I was teaching for a period of time and these are my awesome students. Well part of them la. When my supervisor knew that I knew how to dance, she got me to teach some students hiphop dance and yea, these are my P6 students and I drafted in 2 P4 students into the dance to strengthen us up. So my kids were really petrified of losing out in the dance competition because they were against students from different age group. So I kept motivating them and well, they did me so proud on that day. I mean I was invited to the stage to talk about my group and I wanted to emphasise on the fact that my kids were the youngest group there with the youngest dancer being only 10 ! It was literally the first dance competition ever for my kids and I wanted to audience to cheer them as much as they could and well, the audience were cheering my kids and they did an EXCELLENT job. I choreographed the entire routine with some breakdance moves and my kids did them so fucking well that the emcee got them to dance twice ! HAHAHA. So my kids became the "talk of the town" on that day and we got so many invites from different CC and organisations and they asked my kids to represent the school and dance. Also, we were the last ones who graced TAPAC (Telok Ayer Performing Arts Centre) before it was ordered to be ... demolished. Memories, man. So I mean I love dancing. Nesh and I created a dance group out of impulse (solely based on passion) and named it "Maniac Flamerz" and drafted in 2 people and we started off small and soon, many people joined us and we renamed ourselves - "Transitionz" and took part in many dance competitions. I mean I had choreographed many dance routines before and many used to praise and condemn it and I used to feel good whenever people praised the routines or my own dance itself but I realised that it never matched that happiness I got when I choreographed that hiphop routine for my kids and they performed so well. I mean, those kids were from EM3 stream and they had such low confidence and the dance routine brought out the best in them and somehow they felt like superheros/heroines on that day - I don't know man but it was real happiness - right from the heart. Cos as they were dancing, I was feeling so fucking proud of them and after their routine, they actually fucking ran towards me screaming "MISS VITZ" and pounced on me as the audience cheered us on. HAPPINESS :)



So talking about memories, my dearest Chinnamma, I miss you ...



I still remember the events that occurred right before we clicked this picture. We all thought that my Chinnamma had kicked cancer in the butt when the chemotherapy sessions reduced the size of her tumour. But later on, we got to know that the cancer cells had spread to her spinal cord. But I remember, this was during the prayers for my grandfather when my Chinnamma went around asking forgiveness from everyone and I bravely stepped forward and told her to stop thinking "too much" and cracked some jokes to liven up the mood and even got my cousins, mom and my Chinnamma to pose for a picture as I pounced on them to pose like the above. I do realise now that my Chinnamma is actually holding onto my legs... hahahaa. Well a cute picture right ?. So well .. this was the healthiest I saw of her. The healthiest she ever was when she had been diagnosed with cancer. That genuine smile concealed the pain she was going through. She was definitely the bravest soul I had ever known, the best angel that was ever there. So well, I miss you angel. I really do. I hope you're happy up there, angel. I really miss you. Can you hear it from here ?. I am sorry for not understanding what cancer was really after all because if I had known how fucked up it was, I swear I would have been there 24/7 but you know angel, if you had just died like that - lets say out of old age, we would never have known what a great fighter you had been. You fucking fought cancer like a heroine. I proud of you angel. It feels so different to note hear from you ... your voice and all. It just feels so different. I can never imagine how Shobi feels man. But she's definitely a much stronger person than I am. I miss you Chinnamma, I really do. I know you are watching me from above but I really wish I can reach out and touch you, listen to your voice .... listen to your motivational words... I mean you were one of those who had always believed in me and never failed to cheer me up even when I was down. For some reason, it fucking hurts to see you being framed up with a garland hanging from the frame and you being reduced to ashes and being inside an urn and into a niche. Really painful. Ahhh ... I don't know. I miss you, angel. Happy Teacher's Day, angel. You were definitely one of the best teachers ever - your students showed how much you were loved and .... I LOVE YOU ANGEL.

Vithiya 'Vitz'

11 Jan 1987

Undergrad (Psychology)

Manchester United

vithiyakumar11@gmail.com

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