Hi bloggy.


I am feeling mentally and physically drained. You know, my lawyers around me are saying that sleep is the best way to recharge oneself. But for some reason, I don't see sleep as a way to recharge myself. I mean, I never really saw it that way. I have always seen sleep as a necessity that has to be done just for the sake of it. Well, I guess I have to believe in that ideology to make the best out of that 4-5-6 hours of sleep that I get.


Well now you know why I lurrrrveeee the weekends ?! That's the only time I can sleep till about 1030-12+. Well, even then, I always tend to oversleep. I mean I can always hear my alarm and that's how I wake up in the mornings. But for some reason, I simply cannot hear the alarm in the weekends and wake up really late :( . AND I don't understand why people love the mornings. I'm such a night owl. I love night. I think morning must be used to sleep while night must be used to enjoy. Sigh.


Anyways, I want to rant about my thoughts now. Lol, stay guled, aights ? * this is going to be interesting *


1) I think I always see gloomy people in the mornings. You know people who are simply rushing for work. I just don't get any positive vibes from them. It's like when you look around, you see traffic jams, frustrations, gloomy people, sleepy people, selfish people and the list goes on. I makes me feel so mundane. I kinda hate it. I mean, whats the point of rushing like some mental dog and failing to utilise that time to think about something positive ? Like for instance, mornings like to everyone is supposed to signal the start of a brand new day. You know, alot of people out there may not live to see the bright sunlight when the night is over, but we got the opportunity but we can't use it because we have so much of obligations to adhere to. Now, this is something which I myself hate ! Like when the bus is crowded, I stand and listen to music and think. When the bus is slightly empty, I get a seat and I listen to music and try to read the news on my mobile or from the "My Paper" paper and eventually fall asleep - just like the 3/4 of people in the bus. I feel that my every morning is just this routine. Its either I listen to music or fall asleep. When I fall asleep in the bus and wake up before my stop, I feel super groggy and sleepy and I'll be in a super mad mood till lunch. Haiz.


I feel like amidst the competitive world, we lose ourselves. We lose our youth. We lose our colour. We just lose alot of things. You know once this youth is gone, its gone. Its never gonna come back and I hate to even watch it slip by my fingers like that ! I am really making an effort to make my youth more colourful. Really. For instance, this whole dance group commitment. Honestly, its becoming tiring. I mean I can do something else on that Saturday - from slacking with friends and having an active social life. But I do sacrifice it for dance and end up biting into my rest day - Sunday. Although it can be mentally and physically draining at times, I realise that I have no heart to call it quits.


Firstly, I love each and every member in my team. I really do. You know I am very amazed with this thing called "friendship". Like we normally get acquainted with people from school and etc. But in Transitionz, I have people from all walks of life. People whose difference ranges from age to lifestyle to the way they speak and etc. You know its just so beautiful. But for some reason, as the group becomes bigger problems may get underway too. Well at this juncture, I'll point out misconceptions, misunderstandings and a difference of idelogy as the major monsters of destruction rather than any personal conflicts. Now this road may be not easy but I do encourage everyone to believe in my idea of not giving it up without a fight. Come what may, together fight, we will.


I know I went off the tangent there ( heehee). I'll come back to the point. Transitionz is my major outlet to carry out one of my major objectives and that is : to live life to the fullest. I love dancing and I don't want to be like the major 3/4 of the people out there : being a spectator. I want to be the other 1/4 who would actually choose to make a difference in their own life by choosing to follow their passion. Who said its impossible to juggle your passion and career ? If there's a will, there's a way. True enough, this strong mentality have guided me thus far. Don't forget ah, each year, I have to go through a major exam, juggle school work with commitments as a dancer and as a leader, taking care of funds, thinking about what to do for the group and with the group and also deal with major problems which can make me go mad and make me wonder if its all going to be worth the fight in the end. Phew, looking back all this, I realise that my life isn't smooth. I feel that alot of things in life is really simple but somehow, somewhere, something happens and it makes it alot more complicated. For this reason alone, all kinds/forms of hatred should be deeply buried. Because it makes a simple mind think alot and come up with ridiculous conclusions. But, God, always be there with me. I want to make sure I go through whatever you throw at me ( I know you have been throwing alot at me and I'm horribly tired of fighting with you but you never seem to stop ).


2) You know I think children are the bombs of happiness in everyone's life. You know, I personally miss my childhood. I miss playing with my mom and dad. I know I was a very naughty kid. I still am naughty. I love to play and prank people and etc. I used to spit on this particular guy called Nithyanathan when I was in Kindergarten (PAP). I used to throw eggs on parked cars when we used to live int he 3th storey at Block 125. I used to play bicycle with the neighbours - malay boy and indian muslim girls. I used to watch my mom cook and drool. I used to hug my mom to sleep. I used to run around school. I used to play police and thief and used my wallet as my pistol and chased the thieves. I used to play block catching. I used to skip my meals during recess to play police and thief with my friends (guys and girls) in primary school. I used to buy ice-creams, get wet in the rain, buy marbles, buy toys and play with them without doing my homework. Hahaha well, how many of you'll out there know that I cannot climb down the stairs in primary school and that I still have problems ( I STILL ) climbing down a stationery escalator steps ?. Haha I don't know why but I would simply lose count of the steps and end up falling down the whole flight of steps :( ... once I remember falling and everyone saw my colourful mickey mouse underwear in primary school ! And I love toys like crazy. I STILL love them. You know I used to have 1-2 hours of play-time till secondary 2. I'll play masak-masak, wrestling with my power rangers toys and pretend like I am driving my cars and motorcycles around. Hehehe. Now this is why I always play with Rishi's toys. I swear , when I was looking for Rishi's birthday gifts, I was freaking freaking tempted to buy toys for myself to play. I miss being a child. A child who had no worries, who always thought about wanting to play and play. A child who used to laugh alot. I just miss my childhood.


You know, children add colours to our life. Let me take my favourite boy - Rishi as an example. To me, Rishi is the only one who can make me feel so happy the instant I see his face. His cute mannerism, his child-like behaviour and everything about him just makes me feel so happy. Seriously, I can't wait to have the opportunity of looking after and caring for my own child. I think at that moment, I would revisit my childhood days. Imagine me and my kid having our own play-time and play and play with no worries. Kids just rock. You know I feel that every parent out there see their lost childhood in their kids. One of the most beautiful art or should I call it beautiful beauty (i'm sorry but I really have no words to explain this) is the fact that humans can reproduce and attain a baby. Wow, seriously, I've always been very mesmerised with nature for this reason alone. Can you believe it ? Partners mate to strengthen their bond and kids are a gift of their love. I feel like humans beings are something more than a machine. I mean, to me only machine have the power and ability to create something.. BUT we can produce a junior us with our genes and our child will look like us. Wow , God is such a beautiful creator ! For this reason alone, once I die and if I happen to meet him, I will be saluting him for coming up with such a beautiful bond and human development. Kudos to you, God !


3) I think marriage is losing its importance. I see divorce cases every damn day. And I feel that love can make and break someone terribly. Its more like they can be close lovers today and worst enemies tomorrow. It is scary indeed. I mean, can you believe that there are 2 extreme shades to a person's feelings ?. Hmmm. I've seen many awful cases and I feel that some people marry to attain full control of their partners and turn them into sex slaves. It's really very depressing to read their cases. For instance ( I am not naming anyone here nor invading their privacy and with no prejudice intended ) person A and B were married for about 4 years. Person A is the female and she was previously married and has a child. B married her and together, they had 2 kids. And B apparently demands for sex everyday. If she refuses, he will threaten her with a parang. A is not allow to be dressed in her house. She has to be naked. B will beat her up if she is dressed. Imagine the children. Imagine how they would be feeling to see their mom naked in their own house ?!!. And A has to seek B's permission to use the toilet at home. B also told A not to close the door when she is urinating or passing motion. Seriously, how sick can B get ?. I was getting so pissed off when I was doing this case.


And I feel so awkward when every applicant speak about their personal and intimate details. I can't believe that intimate details have to be dugged at and extracted to attain a better stance at the case. But you know, this can be avoided if couple decide to have a mutual divorce ? But many Singaporean here tend to fight , fight and kill off their partners through lawyers and due to this every single details comes out. We simply have to produce papers after papers of intimate details and this will come before the judge, lawyers and some "spectators". You know, some files are so super thick and those are the instances where couple will never give up fighting and making sure they had their last say.


This is really heart-wrenching. Seriously. There was once this woman ( she has a kid with her ex-hubby) who was telling us that she wants us to make her affidavit really strong and make sure her husband has nothing to say and he will die trying to argue back. I was feeling irritated but I didn't show it out. Mr E, one of the other lawyers said " God gave you a child to look after and make sure you give her a good life. Why all this fury ? Why all this hatred ? Why fight until like this ? No use fighting because at the end of the day you will fight and he will fight and there will be no end to this ". But well, she was too dumb enough to comprehend what Mr E actually said. But Mr E did make sense.


4) I really love talking to Mr E. He holds double degree, 1 diploma and 1 special diploma all in various fields. Business, Law, Teaching (UK Trinity) and Counselling. I just love to listen to his thoughts, his experiences and his thoughts derived from all these cases and his life. It makes me think out of the world - really. I shall quote a few things that he said.


i) He was married to a British lady and eventually they had a mutual divorce and they're firm friends till now. She remarried and when she came over to Singapore for her honeymoon, Mr E hosted them guest in his house. That's how open and practical he is.


(ii) He told me once that one of the clients who is a degree holder complained that her husband don't quite understand her. Mr E actually advised her saying " you chose him. You knew he was Pri 6 and you chose him and now you shouldn't be complaining. You need to make the best out of what you have. For an example, God gave you condo, terrace, bungalow , 5 room HDB, 4 room HDB, 3,2 and 1 room HDB room. You chose the 1 room HDB flat. So you should know how to make the best out of it, instead of complaining". Mr E also told me that a conflict of ideology arises when both partners don't share the same frequency. So its very important when you make the right choice". And quite randomly, I asked him this question : "Mr E what would you do if you loved someone and suddenly one day you find out she was cheating behind your back ? " and for that Mr E actually said " well, I will let her go. There are no guarantees in life. No promises. Why react then ? She didn't guarantee me to stay the same way with the same love and affection. So why ? " ...


Mr E simply rocks. I love talking to him about anything and everything. Once we started talking about dreams and we ended up going deeper into it - even to the extent of power naps, the effectiveness, about this Bee painting... alot ! I love love indulging in intellectual conversations. It just makes my day.


5) I think life is beautiful ( with the exception of heartbreaking incidents like death ) but its just that we have no time to appreciate its beauty. I feel that most of us will feel its beauty only when we're nearing death or we get to know we have a time limit to spend before we leave the world. I guess some things in life have to be taken with a pinch of sugar ( guys, I am not referring to the literal meaning). I think there's always something beautiful hidden in something. You know what I am saying right ?. Well, most of my readers would have known that I used to have a major misunderstanding with Logesh (and Mirna) and vice versa. Problems just cropped up and we moved away from each other. We became figures of the past, memories of the past. But suddenly, true love came into the way and true friendship will always prevail and we got back up from where we dropped. Now when we sit back and talk about certain misunderstandings and the words we used on each other and how angry we felt back then and etc seems like a joke to us. I am god-damn serious; we LAUGH our asses off when we think about the past issues. Now, I guess there is a beauty in every little thing. Do you'll think so ?.


Life is beautiful.

Vithiya 'Vitz'

11 Jan 1987

Undergrad (Psychology)

Manchester United

vithiyakumar11@gmail.com

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