Hello world.


For some reason, I feel that my blog is technically a window to my train of thoughts as well as to my heart. *Laughs out loud*. And well, not bad I'm receiving quite a number of hits. Well, I bet not many people know that I was noticing the hit list :P.


Anyways, I am sad. I am definitely very sad but I am not showing it to anyone. Sometimes I just want to plug into my ear piece and listen to all the sad songs in the world and cry to myself. ( And nope, its not my relationship problem. So stop guess-ing :P ). Sometimes, I find comfort in the most cutest of things, also in the things that I least expect to cheer me up. Funny much ?. I guess so.


Firstly, according to the doctor, the lifespan is limited to 365 days. A few days past by already. I am awfully depressed. I didn't expect something like this. Worst way to watch someone slip through your very own fingers. An excruciating pain to watch a loved one suffer. I never believed the facts in the initial stages. I thought people were over-exaggerating till I saw things with my own eyes. I had to slip in and out of the ward to prevent anyone from seeing the tears that welled up in my eyes. I just know that the next few months is going to be awfully painful and that I can still pretend to be strong. * Why let people suffer to appreciate your existence ? *


Next, I was really heartbroken to know how impression can form and break at a single instance. I mean I am vocal about my thoughts and I sincerely don't think anyone can subjugate my thoughts or opinion. I mean I am not saying I am always right. But at the same time, why must I change my opinion to adhere to your needs ?. There's this saying that goes like :- "if loving you was a crime, I would rather be a prisoner". I believe that " if I have to change my character and thoughts to suit your needs then I would rather remain as a negative character in your eyes". But what I can say is, I didn't fake anything to you. I was truthful with everything. So yes. ( Again, this is not for my bf )


Lastly, I can see a huge difference. I mean I am not blind to ignore the early signs. I made myself very clear in the last meet-up and yet I can see a difference and feel it. You see this from this angle :- There are two boxes of apples. So Person A and Person B are asked to look after the apples. Person A tells people that the apples in the boxes are fresh, juicy and crispy. Person B tells people that the apples in the boxes are rotten. So the word of mouth from both Person A and B will continue to travel around the social circle or even the circle within the community. Remember everything is a circle. When you start it, it definitely will come back to you. SO imagine if your perception about an incident or person is not cleared and heavily clouded, are you not spreading the wrong perception to the rest of the people out there ?. I mean never throw your trust into the belief of bottling up your thoughts and emotions. Its not fair to the other party out there too. A bottled up feeling will only exaggerate and intensify the situation. It's always better to clear it there and then.


Like I mentioned, the damage is done. Whether is deliberate or not, doesn't really matter. Everyone is affected not just the close ones. Its not fair to only feel from one side. Everything has 2 sides - even a coin. So please, stop holding grudges on someone for a misinterpretation of information from your side. You may never eventually know both sides of the story then. The only important thing is to untangle just that one person from the mess. That's it. Sometimes we have to sacrifice our very own feelings, justifications for 1 single good - for a greater good. So no use holding grudges.


Sometimes, life is just too simple replete with complications.

"Each time someone stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lots of others, or strikes out against injustice, he send forth a tiny ripple of hope".


Before I begin, I really wanted to blog about a movie but I can't seem to load videos here at the office. So I am going to go back home and do it. So meanwhile, I shall rant about something else.


Thoughts


Anyways, the issue with me and that girl, let me call her G, got horrible yesterday. Well this issue started 3 days ago and from then on, I had been tolerating her nonsense. I did reply to her statuses and all but I never used inappropriate words at all. But I completely lost it when she started to use vulgarities and bring in my family for no reason. I mean, sorry la, I'm not like others. I can't sit back and enjoy listening to others trash-talk about my family. If you have a fucking problem with me, deal with me. Don't include my family. You have no fucking rights to talk about my parents ! Dumb idiot !!.


Also, I am feeling sad for a particular word that I used in my statuses to her. I called her a "mental fuck". I was really pissed off and I was technically pushed into calling her this. So yes. But I don't know la. I feel bad and I really feel angry also. I mean, you cannot use your state of mind as an excuse to trashtalk about one's family right ?. I mean what kind of words were those ?. Really bad. I mean I didn't even do anything and yet I receive the brunt of all those vulgarities. To be really honest, I think you were pissed off with 1 member of the group and you decided to vent your frustrations on me. I mean I'm not his mother you know. I think you should have simply opened your mouth there and then instead of making it an issue later on. Haiz. I really don't know why trivial things always turns out into a mountain. BUT, for some reason, me and a few people believe that someone instigated this. Well, if I ever get to know that YOU were involved in this, mind you : you're so going to die.


Haiz, too many people came online on MSN, Facebook and even sent me smses and emails to ask me what happened. And to be frank, I am so embarrassed with the whole thing. I mean this could have been contained well enough but G actually mentioned the name and used vulgarities on my wall and all. I mean which friend of mine doesn't know my group's name nor my Facebook account ?. SO damn embarrassing. One of my friend actually said the following : " OMG dei ! I can't believe you had such a dancer in your group. Her posts reek of vulgarities. So cheap and damn paraiah-ish" and another said "wah that G is so uncivilised ! ". I mean people do read and they make their own assumptions and all. Sometimes I won't even know what they will think and so on and forth. But I am certain that they are definitely going to question G's upbringing. Now this is why I was trying to be as professional sounding as I could be till she used the "P_____ M_____". I so feel like giving a tight slap to G for using this word. She does deserve a slap especially for using this word.


I really think that G's parents are getting a bad name because of G's hasty posts and so on. I really don't even know if she's thinking before posting all these nonsense. 2 dancers called me up yesterday and expressed their anger. They were pissed off with her but honestly, how can I contain their anger when I myself am angry ?. I mean there's no reason for all this to happen but it happened. I got no idea but I hope this ends fast.


You know sometimes I really hate being Indians because of the fact that we love DRAMAS and we ourselves tarnish our own name ! This incident is a perfect example of that.This incident clearly encapsulates the whole essence of the whole "indian-pariah" behaviour. I mean I am not saying that I am bad mouthing my own race here. We have people whom we should be proud of but at the same time, at a country where we're the minority of the minority, this kind of incidents simply give the major majority of the majority to have a say in our behaviour and our mentality. It's really depressing sia. And for some reason, if people like G exist and start talking without thinking, people will continue to look down on the Arts. Haiz.


I don't know la, but I hope things will settle in. I don't know why but people like G, (dickhead), and some people from the past just have to bring embarrassment after embarrassment for me. I try to come back and show people what we are capable of and yet, these people bring me and us down ! Sometimes I feel so tired of coming back especially since it will always go back down.


And I realise that one's surrounding really plays a big part in the way they think and behave. If you notice well, all the ones who belong to the higher spectrum have their own "class" and behaviour and so on. Their lifestyle is alot different and everyone within themselves are very matured and have a sense of end in mind and they're always equipped with strong objectives. But : ____________ ! Haiz.


I don't know la. I am very upset with the way things are turning out to be like. SAD.

Hello bloggy ! I am back. I've always wanted to rant about a myraid of issues but I guess I was simply bogged down by work, exhaustion and many more.


Anyways I am freaking angry with a particular issue and I know I will feel much better when I express all my thoughts out rather than to bottle them up and destroy myself. Now, let me reiterate this point clearly well :- I am expressing what I have been feeling thus far and if its going to bother you badly, then come and ask me why I said that and etc and I'll tell you why.


Firstly, before that I need to mention something here. It is really tough to come to terms with the impending fate. Initially I couldn't believe my own ears and I didn't accept it right away. It took me a few good hours to register that piece of information and memories started to take me back to those good'ol days. Tears started to flow like a river. I am definitely upset but I know that none of us in our clan ever give up without a tough fight. I guess this is part and parcel of growing up. Fight fight and fight, we will !


Now, this is going to be for you and about you ! I am really so fucking pissed off with you and your mental thoughts. I mean, if you have problems trying to place your thoughts in the proper order, don't come and fucking blame me for it ! ( And clarification : this is not for my bf. So stop guessing ).


My thoughts ( PS: Its not to gain sympathy or etc. Its just me and my thoughts. Need any clarification ? Ask me ! Have the guts to ! )


Firstly, I am damn pissed off with you. Seriously, what have you done thus far ?. If you're going to come up with the crap called : time, money and effort, I am going to bitch-slap you. You literally went missing for half the year ( infact more than that ). Yes, you are working and all. Then what about me ? Am I like playing soccer at work ?. C'mon man ! Trade your fucking shoes with mine and then have the fucking guts in you to speak . You are only good at doing 2 things : 1) Give up. If you find any problems anywhere, that's it. "Vitz, I don't think I can do this cos I got blah-bah-blah" and 2) blame me for everything. Have you ever had that mini thought in you asking you, what may or will happen if you choose to leave ? No ! You never had. You people are just fucking selfish. If you have a fucking problem, you would run away from it rather than to face it like a MAN and more than just a MAN ( and this applies even to the ladies ).


T is made up of several individuals. We all have a plethora of commitments and goals but we come under one roof just to fulfil our passion. Passion cannot be bought with money. Passion is passion no matter what. You will do EVERYTHING in your might to not let it slip through your fingers ! If you are letting it slip through your fingers, then its not passion; it is called hobby. I have several commitments. Firstly its not easy for me to get up on Sat. But compared to last year, I know I have put in the effort to turn up early. You can ask anyone in T. Some people have already mentioned that yes, the effort is there. But if you are not aware of this then don't come and open your mouth. Last Sat, I was totally down with high fever. Infact I was feeling too bad. I couldn't even stand up. So I decided to pop in panadol and sleep for an hour. I did that and walked to the bathroom to shower. I couldn't stand, so I sat on the toilet bowl every now and then and managed to shower. And that was when I even took a fucking cab to come down. When I come down, what did you have to say ? When you uttered those words, almost as instantly, I felt fuckign disgusted with you. Madam, I understood your situation since last year and I gave you many chances. If I had wanted to, I could've exercised my leadership rights and banned you from dancing for Dance Floor 2009 because of your absence due to your own plight. But no, I don't do such things. I be a good friend then a leader. Sometimes I think its a big mistake to treat someone like a sibling. Maybe I should put you people at a distance and treat you like a member and FULLSTOP ! The closer they get to you, the more they would want to utter unnecessary words.


I am not even pissed off with the words you used on me. But I am pissed off with the words you used on my team ! Who the hell do you think you are man. Firstly, learn how to behave and then choose to talk about such issues. For now, if I ever give you a chance to dance in my group, then SLAP ME ! Cos I know for sure that this is the end.


And yes, some people use my group to fulfil their personal and selfish needs. Some join to get attached. Some join to get the fame and then will leave the group prematurely. Some choose to join and then would suffer with the responsibilities and commitments and then wouldn't be able to juggle them and would obviously tap out ! Selfish bastards !.


There are people out there who give the least concern for T and yet act and talk like as though they were kings/queens of T and that T owes them a fucking living. Look, don't come and show your attitude here. If you want such an attitude, go and join some established group and seek their trainer's instructions and dance to his/her tunes or go form your own dance group.


For instance, one mentioned he/she cannot juggle with his/her commitments and have to focus on a few objectives. Although it was too sudden, it seemed like a fair thing. The now, he/she has another commitment. So at this instance can I ask howcome you can commit there but not here ? I also had that desire to commit there but for the benefit of T, I decided against it. I had to sacrifice my other passion for T. But nope, I never bragged about my sacrifices and even spoken about it to anyone within T. Only my close friends know this.


Another one can turn up for all practices and performances but decide not to dance. So why did you dance last year ? Don't give me crap like you cannot commit to the team. Hello, I can understand if you are worried about being unable to commit for competitions but even guest performances ? Especially when you turn up for them all ?. Do you think no one raised any questions about this ? They did and its just that I didn't tell you nor anyone associated with you. I covered your tracks for you. So in this instance, don't ever dare to open your mouth and rant out about my groups ? Why, because you have no standards to talk about T. I would have appreciated if you had tried but you didn't.


You know, I can go on and bring out each and every flaw in everyone of you'll. But at the end of the day, what is the point ? We are all not perfect. We are humans for Pete's sake ! And what more, people will stand up for each other, misinterpret and assume their own things and keep it within themselves and one day it will all blow up and every single one will get hurt. So what's the point in the end ?.


As of now, I am going to dismiss your thoughts as being spears of your insecurities. Enough said. I am not going to give 2 hoots to you. I know what to do with T and etc. I don't need your support nor help. Thanks for everything and enough said.

Vithiya 'Vitz'

11 Jan 1987

Undergrad (Psychology)

Manchester United

vithiyakumar11@gmail.com

Sports

Traveling

Books

Philosophy

Unconventional ideologies

Spirituality

Secrecy

Backstabbers

Flirts

Arrogance

Sloth

Betrayers

Friendship-breakers

hit counter

Back track

April 2005[x]
May 2005[x]
June 2005[x]
July 2005[x]
August 2005[x]
September 2005[x]
October 2005[x]
November 2005[x]
December 2005[x]
January 2006[x]
February 2006[x]
March 2006[x]
April 2006[x]
May 2006[x]
June 2006[x]
July 2006[x]
August 2006[x]
September 2006[x]
October 2006[x]
November 2006[x]
December 2006[x]
January 2007[x]
February 2007[x]
March 2007[x]
May 2007[x]
June 2007[x]
July 2007[x]
August 2007[x]
September 2007[x]
October 2007[x]
November 2007[x]
December 2007[x]
January 2008[x]
February 2008[x]
March 2008[x]
April 2008[x]
May 2008[x]
June 2008[x]
July 2008[x]
August 2008[x]
September 2008[x]
October 2008[x]
November 2008[x]
December 2008[x]
January 2009[x]
February 2009[x]
March 2009[x]
April 2009[x]
May 2009[x]
June 2009[x]
July 2009[x]
August 2009[x]
September 2009[x]
October 2009[x]
November 2009[x]
December 2009[x]
January 2010[x]
February 2010[x]
March 2010[x]
April 2010[x]
May 2010[x]
June 2010[x]
August 2010[x]
September 2010[x]
December 2010[x]
April 2011[x]
May 2011[x]
June 2011[x]
September 2011[x]
February 2012[x]
April 2013[x]
May 2013[x]
June 2013[x]
July 2013[x]
August 2013[x]
September 2013[x]
October 2013[x]
November 2013[x]
December 2013[x]
January 2014[x]
February 2014[x]
January 2015[x]
February 2015[x]
October 2015[x]

My Twitter account

My Facebook account

Zen Pencils

Brushes:[1] [2]

Hosting:[1] [2] [3]

Tutorials:[x]

Image:[x]

Designer: