The unpredictability of the colour .

Sunday, August 25, 2013

BRUTALLY HONEST - this is it.

Ok today my blog entry is going to be very interesting. I bet the readership would increase tremendously. Ok before I begin, lets talk about beautiful stuff(s).

Not a huge fan of Metallica but then again, they're one of the 'big 4' of the trash metal ! So basically our sunny island were gifted to have them perform live at Changi Exhibition Centre.

Ok let's start the ball rolling with a quote :) ! A quote from one of the intelligent writers from the alma mater IIM Calcutta and one of the intelligent writers of our time - Amish Tripathi.

“Strong people stick to their morals, no matter what the trials and tribulations, Weak people, many a times, do not even realize how low they have sunk.”

I naturally love this quote because alot of idiots love to use this quote even without realising the true meaning behind it. I mean quotes are readily available and I thought education would help someone sieve out the meaning behind those quotes. So it's ok, let's give such idiots a grand applause for their asininity or for their innate capability to make asinine conclusions.

Here we go. Even 'Thalai' is amazed.

So since I loved the quote oh-so-much, I decided to discuss it with someone who thinks rationally. So here's her 2 cents worth.

So right now, shall we get the ball, rolling ??? :)

First and foremost, what are morals ?. They're principles or rules of right conduct or even the distinction between right and wrong.So basically it's your own perspective of what is considered right and wrong. Technically, the word to zoom in to would be "YOUR OWN PERSPECTIVE". So don't be a mama-jango and impose your beliefs on people. Your distinction of right and wrong should help you sieve out your own behaviour. If you think eating apple is against your moral values, then you don't eat la. You think you got big ***** ah - that you can extend your moral compass to other people. If you want to, you can expect your husband or your boyfriend (wife/girlfriend) to not eat apples but how can you expect other people out of your sphere to not eat apples ?. Seriously, what kind of a mama-jango are you ?. People like you must be sent to Delhi to be gang-raped (in all 3 holes).

So right now I really want to set forth and analyse a few things ah. Sorry ah peeps, some parts will be extremely vulgar cos I need to send across a message.

#1 : Invading into someone else's privacy

Let's say a pathetic bastard of a boyfriend decides to hack into his girlfriend's Facebook account and reads her personal messages. So I believe invading into people's privacy is hmmmm a low-life attitude and of course, immoral ?. So how do one justify their act ?. "Oh sorry ah girlfriend, I was masterbating and my fingers accidentally got pulled by some gravitational force that came from the laptop screen and somehow it clicked onto Facebook, typed your email add and your password and made me go to your personal messages". Is that it ?. Hhahaha. Oh please la. C'mon, get a fucking gripe.

So basically here's my point. Somehow or rather, most of us are guilty of invading into people's privacy. I mean, it really happens la. But if believe there is something called "putting things into context" or even "measuring the appropriate context". So let's say you invaded into someone else's privacy and you find out that that person had been harbouring some hatred towards your bestfriend. What would you do at that juncture ?. I mean if you're a sensible individual, you would try to resolve that difference of opinion that person had on your bestfriend so that things are better. Yes ?. So at this juncture, if you looked at the context this situation was put into, you would realise that although invading someone else's privacy was IMMORAL, the context looks appropriate enough. I mean your intention was to resolve problems, so not so bad right ?.

Now let's look at situation #2. Some fucked up bastard decides to hack into your Facebook account for God-knows what reason and decides to read through your personal messages and conveniently selects a message from someone whom that person deems "dangerous" and reads through and finds out a whole heap of information about you. So at that juncture, what would be an appropriate course of action ?. To pluck up that same courage you had (when you decided to hack into people's account), and ask what had happened to that respective individual, right ?. So how would you determine the morality of an individual when that bastard decides to discuss about the information to some other individual who isn't as close to that affected person ?. Hey seriously, what had the education you had ingrained so far taught you about such information ?. The most respectable thing that you could have done was to fucking ring up the person IMMEDIATELY and enquire - not start yapping that 'cheebye' mouth of yours and start spreading about that information to the people around. So how 'moral' are you here ?. Did you bother placing things into context ? Your evaluation of the context itself was as brilliant as your _________. Bravo, bravo, bravo ! Fucking imbecile. So, "strong people stick to their morals no matter what trials and tribulations...". Wasn't that a trial ? Wasn't that a test of your friendship ? Wasn't that a test to show how genuine you were as a friend ? So what happened to that trial ?. Shit, how could you stoop so low ?. So, where was your morality ?. So if you yourself cannot uphold that morality shit then you fucking "thevadiya pundeh", learn how to shut the FUCK UP !.

#2 : 1st class backstabbing

First and foremost, I had prior experience of getting backstabbed by someone I had held close to my heart. So basically I knew how painful backstabbing was. Some people even vouched that they can never belong to that group - the backstabbing group. So let's analyse ah. When you had found the information from the Facebook message what did you do ?. Did you thought of bringing it up to the affected person ? No. A test done on your friendship was fundamentally proven on that day itself. Well done. So you effectively backstabbed that affected person. Don't you dare say that wasn't backstabbing. That was 1st class backstabbing and trust me, if you had taken a degree in backstabbing, I am saying you would have attained 1st class honours, hands down. Bravo, bravo, bravo ! Don't you dare say you were a confused little donut because that would be a convenient excuse to justify your actions at that point in time. And then, a few weeks later, you and your side-kick decided to indulge in another backstabbing session at that McCafe ?. Bravo ! The most respectable and MORALLY-UPRIGHT attitude would have been to ask that affected individual what the whole story was about before you opened your "cheebye" mouths to conveniently backstab that affected individual . So at that juncture, what did you think of ah ?. On how morally-upright you were or decided to be contented on how your family had brought you up ?. Why is it that its soooo easy for you people to backstab ah ?. I'm really wondering sia. So backstabbing is considered morally-upright ah ?. How different were you from Silas ? Or how different were you from Judas Iscariot ?. If you had the guts, you should have stabbed me in the front - not like some pathetic low-life pariah by stabbing me in my back. And please ah, don't you dare justify your act. I bet you know deep down that you had backstabbed me.

Oh and I forgot. Once upon a time, history actually showed that some people do enjoy backstabbing to. Like there were a group of people who had a small misunderstanding and instead of solving the problems, they decided to have an exchange of opinions where Person A decided to backstab Person B. Person A actually told Person C what Person B had mentioned about Person C. Perfect backstabbing. I mean at that juncture, Person A and B were at loggerheads. So it was much more convenient to backstab Person B since Person B was not there. So in short, it was a session where Person A and C did some sharing of opinions but then at the end of the day, Person C was made to look like some double-headed snake. Sadly. But my question is, no matter what the trials and tribulations are, morals shouldn't be compromised, can they ?. So that that juncture, your morals can take the backseat because YOU were involved ? Yeah, apologies make the world go round. But never forget your own history ah. But of course, there was Person D. Person D's assistance was greatly sought after because Person D was considered to be rational at that point in time. Person D was morally upright at that point in time and somehow Person A knew Person D would be able to rationally point out advantageous points to the overly-irrational Person B. So in short, it was ok to use Person D because the ultimate goal was Person B's friendship with Person A. So when the current situation took a twist of fate, Person A forgot the history and decided to 'angkat' Person B. Because Person B's friendship is still intact. Why bother about Person D or Person D's side of the story ?. It's way too convenient to turn a blind eye to Person D. So luckily Person D had a small meeting with Person C 6 days ago and Person D realised how things were concealed just for pathetic convenience sake ! So backstabbing is a morally-upright behaviour eh ?. Eh fucker, do you know the pain of getting backstabbed or not ?. So if you cannot uphold the whole morality shit, then 'thevadiya pundeh', I ask of you to shut the FUCK UP. Remember ah, neither you, your sidekick nor your acts were virtuous in the first place.Ohhh no wonder birds of the same feather conveniently could flock together :P

#3 : A secret safely concealed for more than a decade

Acquaintances normally become friends due to the similarity of their preferences, tastes, dislikes, interconnectedness and etc. So friendships pass through a variety of stages. So let's say someone is your bestfriend - the basic thing you would expect is for them to be transparent right ?. So you would eventually place that trust on them and tell them the secrets you have held dearest to your heart. Like family secrets, your past and etc etc. Right ?. It's fair that both parties (both bestfriends) share that transparency right ?. I mean how fair will it be when Friend A shares 95% of the secrets while Friend B shares 25% of the secrets ?. But of course, some people would choose to share 100% of their past or secrets with people who they can really talk to, whom they can be really transparent to and they don't have to be that person's bestfriends. I mean, you got to be able to have that connection to share as much. So how would you conclude the morality of a person who decides to conceal an important life event for more than a decade- meaning they never spoke about it at all to ANYONE - even their bestfriends or their close "brudder/sista" ?. Why conceal ah ?. You decided to conveniently conceal that information just so that your image can be protected ?. How livid were you when you realised people got to know ?. Why ? Because your image may have been compromised ?. Trust me ah, there is no pride in having a false pretense la. You either be open about it and get people to honestly form up opinion about you not the other way round. So my question is, if the situation did not present itself at that point in time, this concealed information would have extended for another 2-3 decades, right ?. So hiding something like that to protect your oh-so-virtuous image is considered morally upright ??? You may turn the table and ask me the same question but I don't think I hid it from people. I wasn't proud of the deed but I had the fucking guts to confess it to a close one who had close connections with the backstabbers. I faced the fuckin music with guts. Not like you, like a pathetic mama-jango. So again, you fucking "thevadiya pundeh", if you cannot uphold that whole morality shit, then learn how to SHUT THE FUCK UP or else, go get your mouth gagged with hotdogs. If you get what I mean !

#4 : Two-headed snake

Actually I never come up with this term. But Person C (refer to #2) came up with this term and I think it's just too apt for that creature. So basically you go around bitching about people. Bitching about how you think they breathe down your neck, how you think they are too persistent, how you think they want to be your friend, how you think your colleague is so horny, how you think your jealous cousins are peeping on your achievements, how you think your colleague's husband wants to sleep with you and etc etc etc. I mean we all bitch about people la. No harm here. I mean you can bitch to your friends what - what are friends for ?. But then my question is, do you bitch about someone that badly and pretend to be all so sweet to them infront of them ?. Like if you despise Apple, would you try to drink Apple Juice infront of Apple ? Some people do that la. I mean they say you got to be 'professional' and all. But is that a morally-upright behaviour ?. You bitch about how horny your colleague is, how she does various sex positions and how it makes you wanna puke out but then again, it's morally-upright to be going to her for advices on life, it's morally-upright for going out with her and ya-da ya-da ?. If you're an advocate of morality, then I think you should jolly well omit such instances where your own morality should be a subject of severe scrutiny ! Trust me ah, your bitching has even extended to your own bloodline. So of all people, you should be talking about morality when yours is ..... screwed up. So "thevadiya pundeh", if you cannot uphold that morality, then learn how to SHUT THE FUCK UP and please don't act like some advocate. Ponna mama-jango sial.

#5 : Breaking friendships

The fact of the matter is YOU are a genius at breaking friendships. I mean I got to give that to you. I sincerely wonder if you know what friendship means. Please ah, don't say you had portrayed "genuine love" half the time. That's the image you have created. But I beg to differ. I mean when you fight with someone, that "genuine love" is compromised that you can easily bitch about them and even backstab them ?. Wow, I am impressed. I so want to know what kind of genuine love that is. A true friend will never betray, bitch nor backstab. But I guess that is an utopian description of a bestfriend because NONE had been there. But I would safely confess that I have never backstabbed as much as I could have (I shall discuss more later).

Let me see how you can conveniently relied on your tactics to break people's friendships. First and foremost, let say you have a group of friends. Person A, B, C, D, E and F. Person A and B are bestfriends. But lets say Person A sees Person C as a sibling material while Person B sees Person D as a sibling material. Person E and F are just normal people. So like I had mentioned, fights are sooooo common in a group. So let's say, Person A and B had a tiff and they are not talking. As friends, Person C, D, E and F have the rights to intervene and make them talk or so. That is appropriate. But let's imagine Person A goes on to tell Person C how hurt Person A is and how she thinks Person B doesn't understand her feelings and how things are so bad that Person A wants to commit suicide ?. So at that juncture wouldn't Person C form up negative opinions about Person B ?. I mean isn't that character assassination done at its best ?. I mean if Person C had the brains, Person C would seek to clarify with Person B but if Person C doesn't do that, then isn't it placing Person B at disadvantaged grounds ?. Frankly, how fair is it for Person B ?. I mean if Person B had confiding in Person D and assimilated the character of Person A then it might have been fair, but was that the situation ?. Can you bring up an example of such a situation ?. You can't. Because Person B had always chosen to solve her problems by herself. I mean Person C and choose to side Person A - once or twice is ok la. But if you continue to do it over years, wouldn't it rub off Person B on the wrong end ?. So it's unfair if Person B starts to grow impatient with the character assassination ? What the FUCK ?. Let me tell you ah, if prostituting one's sympathy to gain attention is morally-upright, then I rest my fucking case. There is no difference in prostituting your body and prostituting your emotions to garner sympathy votes. I mean at least you get paid when you do the former. So yet again, you fucking "thevadiya pundeh", if you cannot be morally-upright, then you should really LEARN HOW TO SHUT THE FUCK UP. Don't come and talk as if you're some paruppu that advocates virtuous behaviour or morally-upright attitude. Fucking thevadiya naayi.

Probably, I am often scrutinised because I am just fucking vocal about my thoughts and I use vulgarities but doesn't your abstinence of the above-mentioned make you any better ?. Please.

I remember saying once that I was going to be brutally honest with my opinions. So here I am.

Brutally-honest

Firstly, I have no qualms about being honest because I am not losing anything. I might even portray as being "hot-headed" and etc etc. But I guess, its about time that honesty is placed at an advantage. I mean, I honestly don't have the need to explain nor defend my actions at all but please la, sometimes some fuckers really drive you to fucking explain and defend. I sincerely don't care about the repercussions anymore. If you think I am somewhat creating attention and slandering old friends, then so be it. At least I would die being fucking honest then die concealing shit for decades !

#1: First and foremost, I made my fucking mistakes and I had confessed that. If I had wanted to, I could have easily concealed it and NO ONE would have even known. But that wasn't my intention. I had erred and I was ready to put my ego down and face the music. If you sincerely doubt the credibility of the latter than I suggest you ask how it was conveyed to that close one of mine. I was fucking embarrassed and you will never know the pain I went through because of it. You will never even have that slightest of ideas on what happened behind that scene. No idea at all. Because I had never liked sharing my insecure moments to anyone. You had always mentioned that I was too grumpy, being so emotional, overly being agitated, doing so many fucking rounds out of the fucking blue in the temple with that fucking knee of mine (I am not trying to brag about it here - but there was a relevance) and etc. Do you have any idea what went through my mind then ? Do you have any idea how I had fought with my own mental blocks ? Do you have any idea how how I fought the fucking devils from within me ?. Do you even have the fucking idea on how guilt-ridden I was ? Oh you may say that my messages never showed my guilt-ridden side but like I had mentioned, I never show my insecurities to anyone. NEVER. Do you have any fucking idea on how something that I had done 2 years back was completely off my mind and how your handling of the whole matter had made me go through shit all over again ? Where were you ? Genuine love ? Trust me, you're too cheap to even utter such words. You will never know the pain I had acquired from it all. Do you even fucking know the mental trauma you made me go through ? Friendship ? Bestfriend - BOLLOCKS to that. Let me tell you, you had disappointed me more than Silas could ever have done. In my eyes, you're much more cheaper than Silas and I honestly feel sooo fucking disgusted to have even hugged and kissed you. I took the bullet for you too many times. Your ungrateful attitude would have forgotten those moments but I will never forget the pain you single-handedly made me go through. That pain is permanently etched onto my mind and I had wanted to remain me of the pain for as long as I breathe and that explains the primary reason behind that wrist tattoo. All you could have done was to have confronted me directly like a 'MAN' with "balls" but you proven that you're a total pottae-pundeh but choosing to backstab me. Never am I forgetting this. NEVER.

Let me tell you this - to you and your sidekick since both love to emphasis on the "morals" part and on how I had valued alot of things. Yes, I had strong opinions about alot of things. But as I myself went through a transitional period, alot of values and even my perspective of things changed. I am not saying I had stooped low but my perspectives changed and I decided to rationalised my beliefs. But yes, my mistake completely made me stoop low but I bounced back. If I had wanted to, I could have easily reverted to that same lifestyle all over again. It won't take me seconds to even go back. It will not. The temptations are aplenty. TRUST ME ON THAT. If you don't fucking understand what I am talking about then, go and ask your friends. But I know that I will never go back to that lifestyle because I have strong morals. My past mistakes may have compromised by morals - but that was on a temporary basis. Let me tell you fuckers, the trials and tribulations are mindfucking me alot but I know that deep down I am fucking strong enough to STICK TO THAT FUCKING MORALS of mine no matter how hard the fucking situation may be. But did you bother thinking about how much I had been fighting ? No. All you bothered about was the past. The past and the past and the past. Because you are an advocate of morality even when your own morality is under severe scrutiny ! If I had been weak like that cousin of yours, I could have used that particular convenient excuse of mine to continue with that lifestyle (Weak people many a times do not realise how low they had sunk). I was weak once but I am never weak again. Never. Anyways you are not there to see anything now and I was conveniently labelled when I had particularly abstained from that lifestyle for 2 years and it would give me an added leverage to go back - I mean I was blamed for it what .. so no harm going back because I would ultimately be rightfully punished rather than to be punished for abstaining that lifestyle for more than 2 years.

#2 : You know alot of people within that group itself can be placed under severe scrutiny and I can honestly say that I wasn't the only one that had such a lifestyle but the one and only difference is, they never had a bestfriend like you - a bestfriend who would choose to backstab them or partaking in character assassination or even a bestfriend who would judge them based on her own preconceived notions and so, their image is intact. Frankly how fucking fair is this ? So the question is, I should have placed my trust on a bestfriend who would have confronted me rather than to have backstabbed me, right ?. And let me tell you something, I have the right to be extremely livid with you. I sincerely do and expecting me to forgive you with that 1 SMS alone was fucking DUMB. Frankly, how sure are you that no one hid anything behind the 4 walls of their house ? Or how sure are you that no one did things that you despise ?. And even to set the records straight, when your decade-long secret was out, I had the liberty to assume the extent of your nature of it. But I chose to listen to what you had to say because of that thing called "trust" but let me tell you, how would I know that you actually told me everything that had happened ?. Trust, right ?.

#3 : Let me tell you this and even you would agree on this. For the information I know and for the power I have, I can choose to conveniently backstab you. It won't take me seconds. I am not issuing a threat here but I am fucking reminding you. People who share the same bloodline as yours come UP to me to seek information and I can easily throw a thing or two and I know deep down that the information that I give them will be valued highly. You know their nature well enough. If I had wanted to, I could have backstabbed you long time ago but I hate backstabbing. I may accidentally blabber the truth out when I am drunk but I can never conveniently backstab someone just to increase my leverage. That is the major difference between you and me. Major difference.

#4 : You know what I find extremely embarrassing ?. How people who're junior to you actually could come up and advise you on how you should have reacted and what was the appropriate behaviour when you had chosen to reveal the content of the information back then. Don't you feel embarrassed ?. Aren't you fucking old enough to know how to react accordingly ?. Do you honestly need people who're 3-4 years younger than you to correct you ?. All you could do was to sit in silence ? Your silence didn't mean your actions were justified. It simply means, you won on sympathy votes especially since you had previously done perfect character assassination of me and to make things even more perfect, my absence is there.

#5: Honestly, what was my mistake here ?. My mistake was long committed 3 years ago and I had abstained from that lifestyle for 2 years. I had enough punishments - mentally and physically. One day you would realise the amount of trauma and torture I had gone through. You will not understand as long as you do not have any idea on what entails it. So what was my mistake now ?. Am I to be blamed for that character assassination ? Am I to be blamed for growing impatient with the whole character assassination ?. Was I even wrong to have been vocal about it ? So if I had been a walking hypocrite like half of you from the group and if I had hidden that mistake, I would have been placed on a pedestal right ?. Bravo, bravo, bravo. I knew hypocrites scored high and well but I never knew they would be respected by my own friends. And yea, you can call me a hypocrite too. Your preconceived notions wouldn't spare this bit. Sure. You can. But I will still label those girls as how I had labelled before. Like I said, I had made the mistakes and I bounced back stronger to the extent of abstaining from it and I know that I am strong enough to stick to that moral despite the varying trials and tribulations but those girls, they simply harp on their mistakes and give convenient excuses to continue with it - meaning like how weak people stoop so low and don't realise how deep they had sunk. I can talk and judge because I had been there and I fucking know it.

#6 : Look, if you had been in my shoes, you would never have survived that all alone. My close connections to people were severed due to your selfish act. Like I had said, I had grown tired of the whole character assassination and I had enough ! But did I ignite the fire ? You did. Your acts drove me to this extent. Try facing your whole mental torture alone. Try facing them with your close ties severed. Let me tell you, your backbone would have shattered. You cannot survive this without that support on your backbone. Definitely not.

#7 : Don't latch your sorrows onto me. You mentioned you had to be a bitch to someone because she ill-treated me. But how can it be fair to me ?. I mean what did I do ? I never asked you to hate someone because they had ill-treated me. You jolly well knew how I could easily forgive people and how dare you latch your own intentions/sorrows/behaviours to me ?! Fucking hell. So when people inquire you, the whole blame would be thrown to me. Ohhh "paavam la __________. She did it for Vitz". How fucking fair can this be ? Can you change people's mindset to not think that way ?

#8: Let me tell you this on your face. Many people planted some thoughts on my mind way back then. I had always dismissed such thoughts but recently, a couple more people have planted that same thought onto my mind and I can't seem to dismiss it because maybe for once, I had been completely blinded and from where they stand, they get a clearer picture. Hahaha. Now I know.

Just to set the records straight, you may conveniently accuse "Moo" of 'angkat-bola-ing" or even replacing my ex bestfriend but let me tell you this, of all my friends, only she had gone through the worst of trials and tribulations that would make your fucking skin crawl. Her inputs are too valuable to me because like I had said, she went through shit and she understands. She doesn't act like she understands but she truly fucking understands. Her words are fucking more motivational and you have no idea how she had managed to strengthen me up over time. If her presence was omitted, I know it would have been difficult for me to come back up. It really pains me to note that someone outside my so-called sphere can show so much of concern for me when people within the sphere had vanished. No she didn't throw money to show her concern, no she didn't go around using "lovey-dovey words" to show her concern or love and no she didn't ankat me. But she was there. She truly was and still continues to. Like I said, I would take the bullet for her - anytime. Thank you, Moo. For once, I feel that someone fucking understands.

Let me end this off with saying, your preconceived notions are highly subjective and please don't try to be objective with them. And again, don't think I did this to create attention or to rip you off your happiness (as much as you have done to mine). I guess you need to know that people around you or people who know your shit are also telling me of how things are being portrayed and I had been silent but I guess I am fucking tired of being silent. And don't tell me you're innocent. Right now, I know how you had been portraying a certain image of yourself. But unfortunately, you had been a walking hypocrite because that extremely contented image of yours doesn't tally with how you had been secretly gathering information about my life. I do have my evidences. Like for instance, there is a reason why I had changed the layout of my blog counter because this current system does alot more than just calculate the number of times people visit my blog but it also ....... :) !

If your current life is sooooooo excellent, why do you have the need to spy on my life ? Genuine love ? MY FOOT !! There is the reason which unfortunately, idiots don't see. Let me tell you this - I only miss 1 major person and 3 other people and the moments, the laughter, the jokes that I could have spent with them. I swear, I finally feel sooooo fucking free. It's like as if I finally flew out of the cage ! Finally I can do things that I want to and not be accountable for it. I know it sounds funny but I feel as if I had broken up with a control freak of a boyfriend. I swear I don't even take any attempts to find out shit about your life. Because I truly don't care. I would have cared alot even if I had been at loggerheads with you if you had been a true friend but with all these backstabbings and character assassination, I swear I loathe you like crazy. Your image itself spells Nafrat to me. Nafrat Nafrat and alot alot alot of Nafrat (hate in Hindi). I only have 1 prayer with regards to you and you wouldn't want to hear it. So don't bother about my life or don't you even fucking dare taunt me.

When the major contradiction irks the fuck out of me. Fuck out of my life and stop spying on my life. No matter how much stuff may hurt you, I fucking don't care. I just don't.

Just go on and do what you're fucking good at :-

You got coloured @
5:45 am
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