Holla back ! Well quite a number of people messaged me and asked why I had to privatise my blog and well I even got scolded for doing so. Dayum. Since I already have my own private blog, I thought I should 'un-privatise' this blog and so here it is. Crazyvitz is back in action.


Basically I am going to privately rant about a few things. A few frustrations. So here it is.





Oh yes. Trust me man. I've killed you a multiple times in my head. Not a fast and easy death but a very torturous and slow-killing death that even death would seem less painful. I never had such violent thoughts in my life ever - not even when I came face to face with a million backstabbers and haters. But strangely I really have a million of violent thoughts especially when it concerns you and that actually makes me question my own questions, my own intentions and of course, my own violence. Why ?.

I know myself really well enough. I know that I would go all out for my loved ones. I know that I would get really vengeful if someone hurts my loved ones or so. I know that I would definitely take the bullet for my loved ones. I know that I am not crapping with my words and that I'm absolutely sure about this. So why am I really so vicious now ?. Did my violent alter-ego override my true self ?. Or is something like really wrong ?. Well I definitely do have a series of answers for that.


#1: When we were younger, we see backstabbing at a very superficial level. For instance when my ex-bestfriend backstabbed me I was fucking pissed. Like really pissed and strangely even after 4 backstabbings, I decided to forgive him. For some reason, I didn't really think much about the backstabbings and only thought he was just a victim of a difficult situation. But as I grew older, I realised that backstabbings are actually much more than what meets the eye. It's something really so deep. People would have to plan it really well (sometimes even take a few months) and execute it at the right juncture. So basically backstabbers are quite skillful. They would have to master the technique of attaining your trust and then plan a day to backstab you and execute that plan really well. So what do we make of 'friends' who take the time to plan such a heinous act ? I mean how well they masqueraded their cheapest intentions when they were coming before you before they even executed their plan ?. That is a breach of trust in my opinion. Like I said, I gave you the power to hurt me by allowing you to know me really well. I gave you the right to learn me more. I gave you the confirmation of my trust when I shared my deepest thoughts with you and what did I get in return ? A perfect backstabbing masterplan. So what does it speak of your character ?. 

#2: Who gave you the right to rob me off my happiness ?. In my opinion, I had spent enough time, enough commitment and enough of every fucking thing to establish and even forge a friendship with a few people. I have alot of friends and it's always fucking easy for me to have a plethora of outings. I can never be alone and this I know very well. But like I said, I had segregated enough time to prioritise a certain group of people over others. That might be due to my own comfort zone. We may have a plethora of people around us but we would only feel 100% close to a few. I know deep down who I had picked. I was forced by your cheap tactics to stay away, to move out. Frankly, why must I move out when I was the victim of your cheap tactics ?. Well, I still did. And please don't heighten your ego by saying that I moved out because I cannot face my friends or that I am oh-so-fucking ashamed of my actions. Please don't add on cholesterol to your already-ballooned up ego. None of that is true. A few members of that group had disappointed me and like I had mentioned, I know how it would work. My question is, if you had chosen to exercise sheer caution as a friend, would I be in a situation to walk out ?. If you had decided to act like a mature individual by directing your 'investigations' to me, would I be in such a situation ?. Seriously, who the hell are you to rob me off my happiness ?. Who the hell are you ?. Listen up, I give alot of value to minute memories and I am FUCKING PISSED that you robbed me off it. I guess a major part of my anger lies in the fact that an ungrateful dog robbed me off my happiness for her own selfish motives. You have no idea how deep-seeded this anger is. It is my contention that since day one, you had sketched a beautiful plan to separate me from my group of friends and simply waited for the right time to execute this plan of yours. At this juncture, I really feel so stupid to have placed you at a pedestal. The best thing is, that ungrateful dog actually said "you can keep your friends to yourself" and later on contradicted it by saying "do you think people would believe your cheap stories". Oh yes, my reasons were cheap to you because to date, you had always been so pure (oh fuck that crap, man and I have reasons to debunk this). I should have known how well you would have manipulated all this thoughts. My absence would have firmed up such manipulations because none of those who technically believed had the guts to verify anything with me. Like I said, it was a perfect plan.


You know there was this bunch of Apples. There was an orange within that bunch of apples and the orange and one of the apple had a fall out and soon the orange was reminded that it was an orange afterall. So the rest of the apples were cool with the oranges or so as the apples had mentioned. This certain apple had always told the orange and every other apple that no one in this world can care for the orange as much as that apple does. The whole fruits kingdom were pretty jealous. Soon after the fall out, the apple actually was so sad. Like really really sad and it started to lose its moisture and it's skin decided to turn black. So one of the other apple decided to cheer up that apple because that apple was oh-so-sad. The other apple brought sugarcane juices for the apple, fed the apple some banana bits and even washed up the apple to firm it up. But strangely the other apple forgot that the orange was somewhat going through a tough time. I mean the apple would of course side the apple, right ?. I mean they belong to the same fruit category, so why bother about some other fruit ?. Soon after, the apple apparently firmed up. LOL ! Then the other apples planned out activities and events and kept it within the apples vicinity because the orange was the orange. LOL !. The apple actually said the orange can keep its apple bond with itself but although the orange knew the contradiction behind it, the orange went with the flow. The orange just feels that the apple should have came clear about its apple-ly intentions way some time back instead of the whole fruity contradictions. Tsk tsk.


#3: Oh by the way, to be honest, I feel really at peace that for once I don't have someone breathing down my neck. Really ! Really peaceful :) ! But please don't say you have attained the same level of peace. Like I said, your peace came due to the brilliance of your cheap tactics. And I have been too generous to provide you with the alms. The alms that I have provided to you gave you the leverage of a comfort. Never forget that. Oh shit, you're ungrateful right. Sorry, I forgot :) ! You want me to keep quiet because I have spoken alot ?. Hahhaha, honey, it's definitely not even half to what you have done :) ! 

#4: Anyways I had this certain thought about things and I shared it with a couple of friends. Firstly I will never forget the word that was used to bracket the whole thing that has happened - 'Obsession'. Basically I had a few friends and I was emotionally close to a few. You can literally spot who they were. I had shared my train of thoughts, spoken about the societal taboos very openly to them, told them of my weaknesses and many others. So one night I was just thinking about why the word "obsession" was used. Well in my opinion, I think that is a very strong word and viola, I figured it out. Firstly, they knew my stuff (everything that had happened some time back). Secondly, they knew my weaknesses (my insecurities). Thirdly I spoke about the taboo so openly (even joked about them). So when a certain situation was presented, the immatured ones (those who are too quick to place judgments even without any sheer clarifications) decided to string 1,2 and 3 together and label it as "obsession". So technically we shouldn't trust someone and bear our heart out. I mean you might be joking that you have a thing for 'blood' and that you might be a closet vampire and lets say one day there was a murder at your void deck and you were found napping around the bench at that area and who knows, the judgmental assholes might label you as the murderer. See that's how things works at the very end of the day, right ?. So we shouldn't bear our heart out to anyone right ?. I mean we will never know who lurk beneath the human skin. I mean even backstabbers don the human skin. So our deepest thoughts, our secrets, our weaknesses, our pain, our insecurities and everything should be bottled up within us and brought deep down our graves, right ?. I mean when someone know you too well and too much, they would at one point in time, backstab or even judge you. If they have the chance, they would gladly breach your trust. Correct ?. The strangest thing is, I used to be a very secretive person. I used to bottle up my deepest train of thoughts. I NEVER shared my thoughts to anyone until my ex-bestfriend told me to do so. He told me that he felt that I distanced myself from him - or rather I distanced my deepest thoughts from him. I admitted that yes, I was very guilty of that and yea, I eventually decided to change. I thought friends were someone you should share anything and everything with but then right now, right at this juncture, I do see why it is always better to be secretive. I mean when you're mysterious just like Lord Voldemort, people would want to unravel the mysterious veil that you had donned. Right ?. Haha, but really, at 26 years old, I have learnt that it's better to be superficial. It's better to bottle up your deepest thoughts. It better to distance your true self from people you call friends. When they know too much, it gives them 2 choices ( #1 is to hurt you with it- use it as a tool to bring you down and #2 to connect to your soul as a soulmate). But sadly, no one to date have showed #2. They got close to #2 but eventually they try to be #2 to become #1. 

#5: Trust me, this incidents may seem too small in magnitude to garner such a deep reaction from me but I have seen enough. This incident has left a very very very deep gash in my heart and mind. I will NEVER be able to cover this gash. This gash decided to come out in an ink form as my tattoo. So that I will never falter. So that I will never forget. They say pain and lessons change an individual. I know who I changed to be but now, I will never forget who changed me because of what they did. I've transformed into a very different individual all because of you. For that, I can never forget you. Your name will keep reverberating on my lips as I answer people's burning questions. I would. I will never forget. I will bring this down to my grave. I definitely will. There will only be 1 person who would know me 100% and I know she will never backstab or betray my trust. Only one and that will be my alter-ego.

Vithiya 'Vitz'

11 Jan 1987

Undergrad (Psychology)

Manchester United

vithiyakumar11@gmail.com

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