Hola Amigos and Senoritas :P




Seriously, DIE BITCH, DIE ! I hate you so much. Ewwww ! You have no idea how much you annoy me. You're worst than a pestiffied PEST ! Grrrr. I really hate you cockroach. This morning at around 4.25 am, I badly needed to use the toilet. So I climbed down my double-decker bed and hopped to go to the toilet (cos remember I was really really urgent - so I had to hop. Walking was not gonna help me contain those fluids within my body). So I saw something dark on the wall right beside the toilet and obviously I was not wearing my specs. So I thought it was a lizard and until I realised that it had wings - because it was trying to fly. I swear, I almost fainted. I grabbed my crotch with one hand (because I couldn't control the urge to pee on my shorts and I had to hold my crotch to manipulate my mind from not releasing the fluid) and grabbed the pesticide on the other hand and I didn't even have the guts to spray directly at the cockroach. I stood like what, 50 metres away from the cockroach and sprayed the pesticide but of course, the damaging liquid didn't reach the cockroach and well, I was just hoping it did. And all of a sudden, that cockroach flew towards me and I swear I sprinted to my room and shut my door. Just then I realised that my mom woke up for work and I actually called her from my room on my mobile to inform her of the roach and to kill it. Her nonchalant reply was "oh yes, the cockroach is just beside me". I swear I almost lost my cool ! I was like "Amma, I will kill you ah ! You better kill that cockroach and throw it out. I NEED TO PEE very urgently" and her reply to that was "paapom" (we will see). At that juncture, I was turning murderous because I swear I was bloody urgent !.

So while I was in my room I was planning on ways to urinate. I even thought of placing sanitary pads and urinating on them if my Mom was not gonna kill that roach. But of course, it will be one of the most disgusting act I've ever done in my life ever ! So I was like totally against it and suddenly I plucked up enough courage to pop my head out of the room and ask my mom if she killed the cockroach and she went like "yaaa, long time ago". I couldn't control my rage and I was like "why didn't you just tell me next year". Grrr !

Really, I SWEAR, I hate cockroaches. I wish one day I can just kill them ! But sadly I don't dare step on them, pour hot water on them, spray insecticide/pesticide on them or whatsoever. For the past 26 years my dad has been the one who has been like waking up from his deep slumber (yea, it gets that bad) to help me kill those roaches and occasionally, my brother and my mom help me out. But really, why do you even bother living when so many people hate you ah, Cockroach ?. I mean look at your name .. COCK-roach. Aren't you embarrassed ?. Really, just die ! Like get extinct( if the -ed can be used) ! I can't even believe this shit has been like living since those stone age. Like seriously ?! Such a shameless shittified pest and you're so ugly ! Why are you even living ?!. I hate you sia :(






Anyways today I helped mom with her ingrown toenail (not the deep ones la -superficial ones where you can easily cut them up with the necessary 'surgical tools' - chey waaah) ! So once I did everything I told her that I had to do something more to her toenail and I actually brought a screwdriver. My mom literally got paralysed with fear. I saw how her face contorted with fear and I was controlling my laughter and with a very serious face, I told her that her nail has got 'Subungual hematoma' (in short, runner's toe). I had that after my 10KM marathon run in 2009. So anyways, I told her I had to break her nail and she was like "with a screwdriver ?. Vithi-ma, vendaaam (don't). Don't do this please. It will be painful) and I was like, "chill mommy. I will help you break it and save the other half of your toenail". So I stuck that screwdriver into my fist and I pretended to cover her toenail and I used a hammer to like hit it downwards and mom almost fainted out of fear ! HAHAHHAHAHAHA. I swear it was hilarious. I couldn't control myself from rolling onto the floor. HAHAHAHAHAHAH ! Bloody hell. I rock, man !


Anyways, I am atrociously hot-headed. Red hot hammers always work inside my head when a fucked up situation is presented right infront of me. I swear I wish I can like kill alot of people with just a curse - like the 'Avada Kedavra' or the less vicious 'Sectumsempra'. But then, when things are good and there is no need for me to show my evil side, I am downright funny. I mean I love to crack jokes and to play pranks on people. Like that is one of my most favourite hobby/pasttime/habit itself. I really really love to do that. I mean, they say that 'Capricorns' are very serious and they need light-hearted partners to balance them out. But I think I can do that well to myself. I mean I can get really serious when I need to but at the same time, I can really balance out myself too. But of course, an ex-partner helped balance me alot more better than I did but well, I'm still good :P ! Hahahhaa. I mean really, what's life without some humour ?!



Life without humour is like eating laddu without sugar ! Ewwww :P

PS: Wahhh the laddu looks good man. I think this is my "eat-everything-that-you-can-find" season. I'm always feeling hungry and I'm craving for all the weirdest stuff on Earth. I need a good makan buddy man. The best makan buddy who is open to try many new dishes is like Guru darling (brotherlove). I mean I can still remember how I got him to try escargots for the first time. I mean if it was someone else, I think they would be mortified with the idea of trying to eat garden snails and may puke on my face itself. Ewww

Vithiya 'Vitz'

11 Jan 1987

Undergrad (Psychology)

Manchester United

vithiyakumar11@gmail.com

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