Monday, May 27, 2013
There is always a difference between 'trying to understand' and understanding it at all. Mine was a tough battle. So for those who know no inch about my battle, stay away. It's way easy to sit and comment then to go through and fight. My pain is my pain. Your laughter is your laughter. Peace out.
I was looking through BN's status and what was so funny was, she mentioned that she has a kind of irrational worry about not 'switching off' the plug to her ironbox and often come back home to do it when she leaves her house. To be very honest, I had been in such a situation before. So I told her to snap a picture of the 'plug' whenever she switches it off and see it when her mindvoice tells her that she is yet to switch off the plug. In my situation what I did was to convince my mindvoice that I had switched the plug off and I had to convince him by replaying the sequence of the events in my head. Thankfully, my mindvoice believed me. Quite strange eh ?.
So based on whatever I had learnt, I told her that I think she might have a bit of
Generalised Anxiety Disorder. (Oh, we have names for every kind of anxiety-related psychological issues man. Fret man). It about having such irrational worries. But in order for this 'illness' to be confirmed, we need it to remain there for at least 6 months. In my opinion, I think that daily stressors do play a part but if you're an effective psychologist, you would also take other factors into consideration. So how about neurological factors ?.
Ok, there is this part in our brain called the Amygadala. Like I had mentioned in my earlier post, our sensory memory take in information that comes through our sensory pathways. So our short term memory has the power to capture the information and weigh their importance and disseminate them accordingly. So right now, a certain fearful information is ingrained by the sight, by the ear or any other sensory pathways and that information would attain a higher importance. The fearful informations enters our amygadala through the basolateral complex and it processes the sensory-related fear of the memories or information pertaining to that memories and heighten our fear. Quite technical but I hope it can be understood. Basically this generalised anxiety disorder is a result of a disrupted functional connectivity of the amygadala.
In relation to that, I do sincerely think I will be diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder if I cannot control my mind for more than 6 months. To be honest, the latest death in my family has made me really really paranoid. You have no idea how paranoid I have become. Every small movement and every small sound can evoke such fear in me. Worst of all, I have nightmares and you should know what I see in those nightmares. So sometimes, I can hardly have a good sleep. It happens. I made a check on the effects of GAD and this is what I got and I can't help but realised how related this instances are to my current situation.
- restlessness or feeling keyed up or on edge
- being easily fatigued
- difficulty concentrating or mind going blank
- irritability
- muscle tension
- sleep disturbance (difficulty falling or staying asleep, or restless unsatisfying sleep)
Anyways, I need to vent my mind off at Vitzspeaks. Too many thoughts reverberating through my mind. I need an outlet, yo ! I mean at least Vitzspeaks, understands. It's like having an alter-ego who understands me. Like a twinsoul :)
You got coloured @
1:08 pm