The unpredictability of the colour .
[c]d4rkang3l
Monday, June 20, 2011



Thoughts flowing like a river ....





Well, this is the face that I'm trying to mask. Broken I am, but I got to put up this facade that comes with a plastered smile. Maybe, I should go crave out a smile just like, The Joker.



Well, I would be lying through my skin if I say that I never laughed. Yes, I do laugh, play pranks on others and of course, joke around just like I always do. But being happy and being contented is two different thing. I am happy to a certain extent but I definitely am not contented. I literally feel this void - just this particular empty space in my heart. And for that reason alone, I know that I am not contented. Sometimes, I feel empty. And I realise that no amount of anything can make me feel better.



Very recently, I came up with a status on Facebook which read :- "When you used to be on my mind, it was all legal. You still are on my mind, but this time, illegally". Ha, I bet this sentence is more than enough to explain what I am talking about. No ?



And very recently, this certain thought struck me. I shall narrate this thought by using a story.



Jane and Joe were in a relationship for quite some time. Everything was going well but one day, everything ended, just like that. Strange reasons were thrown and till now, Jane questions them but of course, there were no answers - or maybe, she can NEVER find the answers. But lets throw this aside. Let's look at this :- Love means you can never life without that partner of yours. Jane definitely agrees on this especially since she knows how difficult her life is. And Jane remembers Joe saying this "find a better guy and move on". So Jane wonders now that, it IS possible for Joe to see her with someone else and not feel a thing ?. This thought alone made Jane feel so so empty and maybe not even words can explain that feeling. Maybe, it is alot more deeper than being "empty".



Sometimes, matters of the heart is a tad too subjective to even talk about, eh ?. But I should admit that I really get pissed off with idiots when they think that every single love matter be dealt using the same solutions. Oh please c'mon, matters of the heart doesn't have a freaking, "one-size-fits-all" solution. So please stop making it look all-so cliched. Because it definitely isn't. For some, if Person A leaves, they have Person B. But for some, it isn't like that at all.



Also, it's just so funny to see how things just change like that. Once upon a time, everyone had a vested interest in knowing more about me, my affairs and etc. But now, its so obvious that just too much have been withdrawn. I don't know the reason, but I can hazard a guess. But its definitely, painful. All I can do is, manage a smile even though I am crying a river.



Well well well, God created this and maybe one day, I can ask God himself, WHY THIS HAPPENED ?. Either ways, I realise that when you smile while you're crying a river, you would find a stronger you. Well, at least, thats what I do :P .



And to make matters worst, I get irritated with attention. I really am. I am naturally getting agitated when strangers try to make a move. Yea, fuck yea, I am single but I am not keen already. Too much of a bitter pill is enough for me. I simply don't have the confidence and trust on anyone. Sometimes, I really feel like screaming at those people's face : LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU IDIOTS ! Argh, controlling my anger is another thing. Gosh.



Arghh ! Ok, moving on, I am really looking forward to my play which will take place somewhere in September. Honestly, I got flattened when I read the synopsis. It's just too good ! Well, this play revolves around the concept of Feminism. But, not the good'ol typical ones that we know of. It comes with a very interesting twist. For some reason, I feel that it caters to the "high-end" audience. 'High-end" here refers to "thinkers" - not the ones with higher monetary power. But literally, thinkers. The story is as such. Let me simply end this of with the taglines from the synopsis itself :- " Get ready to face the meanest; bawdiest; cunningly worst; the notorious and the ugliest kind of EVIL !"



On the other hand, I've got my Dance Arena 2011 to think about. I've got an interesting concept to begin with BUT taking it off is of a great challenge now. You know my challenge have been trying to form the "perfect dance group". But over the years, I realise that attaining perfection is definitely hard or maybe that term itself is off the course. But well ..... . For some reason, i feel that the tension within the team is building up - maybe due to stress, unhappiness or etc. But I hope that it doesn't get blown off the top. Or maybe, the active volcanoes will have to lay low when the match sticks are struck. All I know is, patience is the key - remember it isn't tolerance. Tolerance is a collaborated effort. So hopefully, things smoothen out.



And to my fellow haters, no worries, you are allow to make my situation a mockery. You can all come together and laugh and of course, hurl words and etc. But remember, one day you will be in that situation too.



And to my favourite "stranger" who tags my blog like a coward. You can continue doing what you're good at. But remember, you're adding on to your negative karmic points. Just do it and lets see if God keeps you comfortable :)






You got coloured @
11:10 am
[c]d4rkang3l

The dudette


Vithiya 'Vitz'

11 Jan 1987

Undergrad (Psychology)

Manchester United

vithiyakumar11@gmail.com

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