My hommies .. I miss them :) .

I am sooo upset . I just feel like crying . I really don't know how to control my emotions . I am so upset over my knee . Honestly , I've lost hope . I don't think I will ever recover ! . I just know it .

It's been 2 months ++ ( 1st of july i got injured ) .. I don't see any improvement , I still cannot bend my knee . Man .. I am so upset .

I feel so vulnerable . I feel as though I've lost my self-confidence . In fact , the level of my self esteem have drastically declined . Yes .. I admit it !! I do . Man !! I had so much of dreams , all that just shattered in a matter of that just 2 seconds when that unknown opponent crashed into my knee during my floorball match . I feel so cursed . In fact .. that was supposed to be our last training before our A Div match .

Imagine my emotions .. when i watched my team lose out to YJC . I felt like crying my heart out . For I feel as though I've left my team mates to suffer alone . I can't help it . I don't feel like a part of them . I don't feel the uprise of emotion after our wide marginal loss to YJC . I know I can play .. man !! It was such a terrible blow .. I've lost alot of things since then !!

I was supposed to join Mr Amir's club after my Mid year examinations . But with that injury , can i ?? I cannot even run ! If i do , I feel that sharp pain in my knee !!

I cannot go for my Singapore Cricket Club's hockey training .. neither can I go for school's hockey training ! . I couldn't do my NAPHA test . I've been getting 28/30 for many years .. I always lose the 2 points in sit and reach ( thanx to my backbone ) . Now .. In a new school , I cannot do that . I have always wanted to challenge many people .. but all .. shattered ... Like what I said .. I am definitely very very vulnerable . I am at the edge of the point where I might give up sports .. I can't help it !

I cried hard to my father to allow me to join hockey .. although he knows that I've fractured both my arms before , had gotten stitches on my upper eyelid and have got whacked many times by the ball . I pleaded to him to allow me to carry on with my sports . In fact , my dad asked me if I want to resume floorball after getting injured ( knee .. present injury ) .. I instantly said YES . WHY ?? AM I CRAZY ? Like what everyone around me is thinking ? Am I ?

My response is .. NO . I am not ! I don't give a damn to the injuries I get . I don't care even if people call me injury-prone . To me , I know that I am gifted with the talent to excel in any sports . However I decided long ago that I would choose to specialise in floorball & hockey . I just love sports too much ! Yes .. it is my only love in life . The only mode of escapism from any burden . I just lose myself when I am doing something ( sports ) . I am the most happiest when I play ! I don't know why .. it's just me .

I've always wanted to represent singapore in sports . I had once got that chance . When i got selected for the national team . However I had to let it go due to the strict restriction my dad enforced .. due to my examination . The coach got angry . He didn't allow me to join after completing my Os . When now I got into SCC , I tried to climb the ladder to success again .. now to be faced by the another obstacle ----> my knee injury . WHY ?? WHY ?? Why do i have to get injured .

Honestly .. feeling the vibrations and hearing the cracking sounds from my knee , I know that something is really wrong . I know that my knee can never be 100% fit . But I pray for a speedy recovery . Because it's been a long time since I last ran .. I miss those wonderful moments I had during PE .. I miss everything . To those who hate PE .. Plz treasure those moments .. DOn't be like me .. I am sufferring ..

I am going to be stuck with a known fact or rather hard-smacking reality
1) My knee is going to be very weak henceforth
2) I can never do the things I really LOVED/LOVE
3) I can never get rid of the phobia I developed ( ie . stepping into the floorball court )
4) My self-confidence
5) My self esteem

I feel like dying .. I feel soo useless .. People out there might think that I am trying to get sympathy . BUT HEY .. you are wrong

I really need an outlet to pour out my feelings . My blog in my only source of it . I am just SHATTERED . I am really

Dear God ,

If you are reading this , please make my wish come true . Please . I am willing to sacrifice anything for it . I really want to recover ASAP . I really want to . I really want to be that OLD VITHIYA . PLZ .. I am really beggin you .. plz plz plz plz plz !! Enough of testing my faith !! Enough of giving me soo many tests .. I accept defeat . I can succumb to failure too . PLZ .. I want to play again . PLZ !!!!!

From : A shattered soul

Vithiya 'Vitz'

11 Jan 1987

Undergrad (Psychology)

Manchester United

vithiyakumar11@gmail.com

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