Friday, September 16, 2005
Those moments were the time when I was Really Happy .. Like everyone else ; having a very good time playing the sports that I really loved ( am still loving ) .It's my lifeIt's now or neverI ain't gonna live foreverI just want to live while I'm alive(It's my life)My heart is like an open highwayLike Frankie saidI did it my wayI just wanna live while I'm aliveIt's my life It's my life by Bon jovi . A very inspiring song though . I used to love this song , especially blasting it out loud before going for a match . My only aim ( when I ever played a match ) was to never let the opponent get pass me . NEVER ! And I really mean it .. till today . Emotions override me .. ( due to the burdens it's been carrying all long ) . Even older oceanic crust ( which is denser ) overrides another oceanic crust . This is exactly how the philosophy or concept as I preceive it to be , works . I don't care if you want to call me an emotional wreak or anyother freaking name or labels . The bottomline is , at least you manage to understand my feeling . Yes . I will not deny the fact that I am not feeling normal . I just cannot pretend to feel normal ! I cannot !On tuesday , we had PE . I felt good because I could run , but I realised that my stamina level was freaking low ! However I was happy with the fact that I could run . Later on , as it was raining ( god dedicating those drizzlies for me ? ) , and the PE teachers gave a talk to us . Mr Roslan said that , according to the school's custom , if an individual can get gold award for his/her NAPHA test for 3 years in a row , he/she will be given some gold badge thingy . My heart just shattered into smithereens . I've been getting gold , infact almost perfect score for NAPHA test for freaking 6 years . Now I am losing 1 year of my MI life not getting anything to myself ?? . To me , every single achievement that I make in sports , is something of a pride to me .. not as a platform to boast it around . I don't know how to express the way I feel towards sports . Sports is really the only interest in life for me ( apart goals ) . WHY ? I might even sacrifice my marriage ( in future ) for sports . Because no other thing can ever bring me that kind of happiness that I get from winning and playing ! OK . Let's take a look at my ( sports ) medals . The medals I won back in secondary school . GOLD - 1500 m ( 2002 ) - Cross Country ( team event ) ( 2002)SILVER - Cross Country ( Individual ) (2002) - 4 x 100 m ( 2003 ) - 4 x 400 m ( 2004 )BRONZE - 400 m ( 2002 ) - 800 m ( 2002 ) - 6th SFA SCHS FLOORBALL (4th ) Team ( 2002 ) - 200 m ( 2003 ) - 4 x 100 m ( 2004 )These are my achievements from my sports day and 1 floorball competition . Excluding other sports-related awards I recieved . Maybe .. all these achievements was fated to stop at secondary school level ( perheps ) . I feel so cursed . Nothing seems good in life . Nothing taste good in life anymore . NOTHING . I don't know what to do . I am lost . I am confused . I might give up afterall .. what's left with having low self esteem ?? What is left ? Nothing . Self-confidence completely gone and depression ; the outcome = DEATH ? . Maybe I am not too cowardly enough to do it ? . I have enough of this . I accept defeat . I used to think that I will never say the word DEFEAT in my life but .. neither did I know , it happened to soon ? Back in secondary school , my hamstring injury was a constant pain in my neck .. and now in MI ... it's my knee inkury that's bugging me ! . On thursday , we ( the girls ) played soccer . I admired my friend Bobbie play . Honestly I did that . She simply reminded me of the time when I was soo into sports ( when I was healthy ) . I was feeling totally blacklisted . YES . I could not run well with the ball , let alone score . Today , I and a few others played netball , captain's ball and volleyball .. That was then when I realised that I was infact a total outcast . I could not jump , run ( like before ) and NOTHING !! MAN !! It's tearing my heart !!! WHY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Bazlee told me then , that he was going for knee operation on Nov 11 . ( with no choice as his is ligament torn ) . I could understand the way he felt . He had a sad face . YES I SHARE IN YOUR FEARS , WORRIES AND EVERYTHING that you are feeling now . I know that sport is not going to be in your life for quite some LONG time . I liked your spirit when you played with me ( the 2 knee inkury freakos .. ) . Man .. You tried your best jumping .. but realised that you had the pull ... just like the way I'm feeling ... I've lost everything in life . Nothing can uplift my spirit at this moment !Thank you god . I like it ! .. I really do !!
You got coloured @
8:28 pm