Craze For Life

2011-09-02T11:53:00.002+08:00

This is a new beginning for me. Hence, a picture that depicts it all.
A new horizon that presents a multitude of challenges. Lord, please be with me.

Technically, I got promoted to a new firm. Awesome pay, awesome building with awesome view and extra awesome everything else. Good colleagues too. Many interns are like working on attachments here. Its nice to listen to their POV too. For some reason, I wished that I was enrolled in NUS's Law. Dammit.

Anyways, something has been bothering me - alot. I'm really very pissed with the whole Danz Arena event.

First and foremost, I was really pissed off with myself. Due to God's good blessings, I snapped my knee twice in a week prior to Danz Arena and I taped up my knee really tightly that I couldn't bend it at ease. But obviously my passion overrode the pain. Honestly, fuck ! I want a fucking new knee. A bitch slammed into my knee and dislocated it and what happened ?. She managed to continue playing floorball while I had to suffer in pain. Medical expenses chalked up and to-date my knee is not stable. Thanks to her, I can't even dance as per my heart's wish ! And please, I do know that NOT MANY understand what my passion means to me. Some may believe that I am being over-dramatic but let me say this : FUCK YOU ! Wanna trade shoes with me and perhaps you may understand what my passion exactly means ?.

I was really very disappointed with Maalika. I loathe her comments. Like totally. Honestly, mid way into the dance, I was flustered with anger because I saw the coordination going hay-wire. My hopes dashed when I collided into Guru and Nesh. I was like "Damn, that's it". But completing the dance was my priority then. Maalika mentioned that our coordination was out. That I totally agree but what I cannot possibly digest is, the fact that she believed that we should have done a "happy dance". Our friends who were the spectators mentioned that Maalika criticised all those who had elements of anger/ghostly theme/funeral possession. She seemed to favour a whole load of happy dance. I remember her saying "Why so much of anger for a dance". Frankly I felt like telling her "try dancing for a rebel song like Kodu Potta with a damned smile and happiness ! Like what the hell ? If she had wanted a happy dance then please, for heaven's sake, you should have written "happy/happiness" as the theme for Danz Arena 2011 ! And finally, dance is about expressing your feelings. If she feel that barathanaathiyam allows her to express her feelings then good for her. So does that mean she criticise hiphop dancers ?. Well, her comment was "Do a happy dance. No reason for wanting to have a message through your dance". So next time, I am going to put a full-fledged kuthu song and if she asks me for the theme, I'll say "HAPPY DANCE".

Also, certain groupmates disappointed me - that I'll have to deal with later. Even the show was hella' disappointing ! Especially the mystery round - I really have no comments for Maalika's comments again. I think the mystery round wasn't planned properly. All I can say is, luckily we didn't get "Holey Holey". Last minute the management changed it to a remixed version ! No planning ! The whole plan seemed soo messy.

Last but not least, I am really pissed with an immoral idiot called Nazriin. Well she and her group of friends came to taunt us for Danz Arena. I knew that they would be present. Anyways I am not embarrassed or whatsoever at all. Really. We took part in a competition and we did our best and we got judged by a judge who seemed to have woken up on the wrong side on that unfateful day.

While Maalika was giving comments, I did overheard Nazriin using vulgarities and hurled remarks at us. Well her tiny ass simply itches for trouble. She has always tried to taunt us even while we practised at RP. So that wasn't uncalled for. But she using vulgarities was definitely antagonising. Trust me, I was really pissed. I know for sure that even some of the dancers from my group were looking for her after the dance. We were really pissed.

And soon after, Gaya saw her and another idiot called Divya at Bishan. This time Nazriin said "Look, that's our P Susheela walking away". And both she and Divya blocked Gaya's way. Seriously, what does Nazriin really want ?. You want to taunt us, taunt us on the stage. Not at a public place. Did she even stop to think what would have happened to her if Gaya decided to react ?. I wish Gaya just slapped her. I don't advocate all these but for the very first time in my life, I am really itching to slap that Nazriin. Well, very honestly, she has crossed her limits.

Sometimes I really feel that what people said about my dancers was just so true ! No offence meant, I'm not talking about all the dancers. But people had alot to say about those troublemakers. Sometimes, by pursing after a passion and having people from the "other end" to be part of it and to support it, seems to really pull down my objectives. I am not ostracising any groups or lifestyle of people. But these idiots have proved otherwise. They showed me that they were literally the people from the "other end" - in terms of their habits, lifestyle and intelligence. I am not putting anyone down - not at all. But those idiots, deserve this ! Imagine, what kind of surroundings these Nazriin must have been through that she can compromise on the very roots of her upbringing by using such insults in a public place ?! Eeeks ! I totally regret having them part of my passion group. Thank God, they're out ! PHEW !!

And oh, how did I forget ?. Some idiots bought tickets from a member of my group and had the cheek to even say "tell Vithiya, not to be too happy. I didn't buy the tickets to support her". What nonsense ? Honestly Jai, I am definitely not craving for YOUR support. You can keep it where it may be deemed as important. You don't mean a thing to me and honestly you supporting me or not, simply doesn't make any difference to me at all. So please, fuck off. Or maybe, PLEASE GROW UP, JAI ! I do know that you or your spies read my blog and I simply wanted this to be heard (or rather, read).

Summing it all up, I wish I don't have to stick to "wayward" methods to get my passion going. Sometimes, it really upsets me when I have the recipe and different cooks explore their methods and end up spoiling the food ( for those who read my blog, ask me what I mean by this instead of assuming nonsense).

2011-06-22T16:57:00.002+08:00

A shoulder to cry onto. The tears are the same but I don't want a different shoulder. Sometimes you would be too comfortable with only 1 shoulder that even if substitutes are readily available, you wouldn't want them. Well, life and its controversial twists.

Well, thank God I met my brotherlove yesterday. I managed to wear my heart on my sleeve. I felt so much better. But the thing is, time doesn't stand still all the time and it keeps moving forth and when that happens, just too many happenings takes place and even before you know it, you'll somehow travel back to square 1. Why ?

I simply have too many "WHY ?" (s).

Anyways, earlier on, myself and Mr E were watching "Annoying Orange". Mr E uses that to teach his students. So we ended up sharing our thoughts. He asked me a question and I got it right ! Yay !

By the way, I deleted about 800+ friends from facebook and I am still left with about 1000+. God ! A lesson learnt, Vitz.

Anyways, the funniest thing is, I travelled all around and got entangled in a mess to only return to the same road. Why ? See, I told you that I have too many 'why(s)' right ?

Also, everyone knows but they act. Like I said earlier, its always easy to redeem yourself. Just do all the mistakes and then live up to what they have always wanted you to be and soon after, your mistakes/sins will all be forgotten. Not blaming, but disappointed.

And guess what, Charlie Chaplin is an intelligent dude. Seriously. I love his "I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying". You know idiots would say that crying is only for weaklings - but hello, we are no robots. We have emotions built into us. And guess what, only one thing makes us- humans weak. Only 1 thing and it is, love. When you shower alot of love, affection and concern on someone and when it goes unappreciated or trampled upon, your heart breaks, You may be one helluva strong asshole but you will break down and cry like a baby because it simply - hurts. For some people, you can feel the stab of pain in your heart and feel it literally break into smithereens. Haha.

I just hide behind the tears of a clown.

2011-06-21T10:43:00.002+08:00

Yes, I'm holding to the broken one, just as tightly.

Not having a good day. My mind is wandering and its just too fatal. Well, can't quite hold my ground especially when there's a huge crack there.

I can't believe my own eyes, things that I see and things that I am seeing. Well, God, can I talk to you ? I really want to.

2011-06-20T11:10:00.002+08:00

Thoughts flowing like a river ....

Well, this is the face that I'm trying to mask. Broken I am, but I got to put up this facade that comes with a plastered smile. Maybe, I should go crave out a smile just like, The Joker.

Well, I would be lying through my skin if I say that I never laughed. Yes, I do laugh, play pranks on others and of course, joke around just like I always do. But being happy and being contented is two different thing. I am happy to a certain extent but I definitely am not contented. I literally feel this void - just this particular empty space in my heart. And for that reason alone, I know that I am not contented. Sometimes, I feel empty. And I realise that no amount of anything can make me feel better.

Very recently, I came up with a status on Facebook which read :- "When you used to be on my mind, it was all legal. You still are on my mind, but this time, illegally". Ha, I bet this sentence is more than enough to explain what I am talking about. No ?

And very recently, this certain thought struck me. I shall narrate this thought by using a story.

Jane and Joe were in a relationship for quite some time. Everything was going well but one day, everything ended, just like that. Strange reasons were thrown and till now, Jane questions them but of course, there were no answers - or maybe, she can NEVER find the answers. But lets throw this aside. Let's look at this :- Love means you can never life without that partner of yours. Jane definitely agrees on this especially since she knows how difficult her life is. And Jane remembers Joe saying this "find a better guy and move on". So Jane wonders now that, it IS possible for Joe to see her with someone else and not feel a thing ?. This thought alone made Jane feel so so empty and maybe not even words can explain that feeling. Maybe, it is alot more deeper than being "empty".

Sometimes, matters of the heart is a tad too subjective to even talk about, eh ?. But I should admit that I really get pissed off with idiots when they think that every single love matter be dealt using the same solutions. Oh please c'mon, matters of the heart doesn't have a freaking, "one-size-fits-all" solution. So please stop making it look all-so cliched. Because it definitely isn't. For some, if Person A leaves, they have Person B. But for some, it isn't like that at all.

Also, it's just so funny to see how things just change like that. Once upon a time, everyone had a vested interest in knowing more about me, my affairs and etc. But now, its so obvious that just too much have been withdrawn. I don't know the reason, but I can hazard a guess. But its definitely, painful. All I can do is, manage a smile even though I am crying a river.

Well well well, God created this and maybe one day, I can ask God himself, WHY THIS HAPPENED ?. Either ways, I realise that when you smile while you're crying a river, you would find a stronger you. Well, at least, thats what I do :P .

And to make matters worst, I get irritated with attention. I really am. I am naturally getting agitated when strangers try to make a move. Yea, fuck yea, I am single but I am not keen already. Too much of a bitter pill is enough for me. I simply don't have the confidence and trust on anyone. Sometimes, I really feel like screaming at those people's face : LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU IDIOTS ! Argh, controlling my anger is another thing. Gosh.

Arghh ! Ok, moving on, I am really looking forward to my play which will take place somewhere in September. Honestly, I got flattened when I read the synopsis. It's just too good ! Well, this play revolves around the concept of Feminism. But, not the good'ol typical ones that we know of. It comes with a very interesting twist. For some reason, I feel that it caters to the "high-end" audience. 'High-end" here refers to "thinkers" - not the ones with higher monetary power. But literally, thinkers. The story is as such. Let me simply end this of with the taglines from the synopsis itself :- " Get ready to face the meanest; bawdiest; cunningly worst; the notorious and the ugliest kind of EVIL !"

On the other hand, I've got my Dance Arena 2011 to think about. I've got an interesting concept to begin with BUT taking it off is of a great challenge now. You know my challenge have been trying to form the "perfect dance group". But over the years, I realise that attaining perfection is definitely hard or maybe that term itself is off the course. But well ..... . For some reason, i feel that the tension within the team is building up - maybe due to stress, unhappiness or etc. But I hope that it doesn't get blown off the top. Or maybe, the active volcanoes will have to lay low when the match sticks are struck. All I know is, patience is the key - remember it isn't tolerance. Tolerance is a collaborated effort. So hopefully, things smoothen out.

And to my fellow haters, no worries, you are allow to make my situation a mockery. You can all come together and laugh and of course, hurl words and etc. But remember, one day you will be in that situation too.

And to my favourite "stranger" who tags my blog like a coward. You can continue doing what you're good at. But remember, you're adding on to your negative karmic points. Just do it and lets see if God keeps you comfortable :)

2011-05-31T12:26:00.002+08:00

Hello to my fans & to my haters.

Long absence, yes I know. Well, been caught up with alot of commitments. Anyways, I'll be making my TV debut tomorrow on Vasantham. I'll be doing a lead role for this docu-drama entitled "Ennule" and it will be telecasted at 10pm. The trailer brought some good reception and I am really excited to watch the whole drama. Loads of hardwork, sweat and blood are like peppered all over the scenes and I hope, I did justice to my role. Please keep the support following. Am truly humbled by the comments.

To be, real soon.

One of my favourite picture. Syed, the cameraman with good visions and Kumaran, really a talented director. I really adore his work. So much of talent and that much of dedication at this young age. I should really emulate his workrate !

Anyways, for some very strange reasons, 3/4 of my dreams are being achieved now. I mean, I really wanted it and I did toil hard for it but when I really wanted it, it didn't quite happen but when I was left in my own hermit, everything seems to fall into place. I don't quite understand the relation but I am happy, not truly contented due to the void that was created in my heart, but I'm happy.

Of course, it came to my attention that some haters have decided to use "old school" methods to tarnish my image, reputation and name. Dearest haters, if I were any younger, I would have taken the time to rebutt each and every point that you had to mention on my chatbox but alas, time is of essence to me now. I appreciate the fact that you want to show your hatred so vividly, well, I'm touched. Continue hurling insults as much as you can because at the end of the day, you'll become the real laughing stock. My blog lacked some entertainment and I am touched by your work rate. Keep that going. Cheers.

" You may know my name. But you don't know my story. So shut up, or end up being laughed at."

Things that I would like to share with my well-wishers and haters :-

1) I can finally call myself an Undergraduate. A chance to fulfill my dad's dream.

2) I've been doing alot of collaborations with a range of talented people. More projects are underway and I shall keep one and all notified via Facebook.

3) I've managed to expand my network of talented people and my friend and I have mapped out some good plans. More projects are underway.

4) I'll be directing a short film real soon. My short film will carry a very strong message and some real-life incidents will be adding into it. I'm not doing this to blemish anybody's name but to send out a strong message to our community.

5) Dance Arena 2011 is underway. A newer team, a newer plan. Actually, a pathetic group decided to challenge us and since I love challenges, I have decided to take it up. Infact, all of us are boiling with rage but this rage shall be extinguished when we meet on STAGE. My passion can never be eliminated by your mere words of insult. I shall show you what real challenge means. Bring it on, the rage is still burning and the stage is all set !

Anyways for some reason, I feel that its easy to go around making mistakes and "redeem" yourself very easily. All you simply have to do is to act lovingly towards your loved ones and your mistakes will be forgotten overtime. Honestly, I am so disappointed with the whole series of events. Truly am.

2011-04-04T10:50:00.003+08:00

I guess, I've been literally missing in action as far as my blog is concerned. Eh ? Anyways, let me share this small venture of mine. I'm collaborating with SSVPP Productions & ELH Productions for a music video. The poster is up and do support me in this venture. Oh, its a Rap music video by the way.

You know, I haven't been myself for months. There is like a million of thoughts zooming through my head. For some reason, I feel like I have transformed into a different person. Something like a ghost of my past. I am trying hard to become the person I used to be but it has been a far cry. The face of the past is looking at me from a great distance. Why ? I asked the same question too, but I never got the answer and I wonder if I will ever get the answer. Frankly, I am tired of listening to everyone's "it all happens for a reason" bullcrap. Just shut the hell up. Its easy to say it but its not easy to be embroiled in such a sticky situation. I miss being happy.

The best thing is, I have no idea. Really no idea and at the same time I cannot buy it. Not that I am in denial but its just that I don't quite understand. But who is going to hear my confusion ? Lol, it has to be buried within me. Maybe, that's how is has to be ?

But one thing, I understood the meaning of smithereens.

I miss the smile of a child.

Oh btw, I know that some gossip-scavengers have been trying hard to get hold of details about my life and I did delete and block them off my Facebook. Seriously, all you pea brains, go all out and condemn me as much as you want. I am really not bothered. I am merely saying this here just to let you know that you can by all means continue to gossip as much as you want.

And,I was down with a bad sinus and was killed by its symptoms. I had severe pounding headache (that never stopped. The pain cannot be stopped but only reduced with the aid of painkillers), blocked ear - it affected my balance, blurry vision, diarrhoea (cos' the phlegm doesn't get get drained the normal way but rather it flows through the back of the throat and into the stomach and it triggers diarrhoea), fever, severe cough, continuous sneezing and wheezing and breathlessness. In short, I really suffered. The doctor finally gave me the nasal spray and it worked magic. If the nasal spray didn't work, I would have to go under the knife. Thank God it worked. PHEW !

2010-12-23T11:06:00.002+08:00

" You are not meant to dance to the tune of the world, but to the song of your heart".
- Excellent ?

Anyways, I haven't disappeared to "anywhere". Its just that my life has become too much of a routine now. Sometimes, I hardly have time to catch up on a lot of things. For instance, I have too many movies in my I-pod and I don't have the time to watch them all. I bought a myriad of books and am yet to read them too. Technically, I miss being me.

A little update on life :- Guess good things sometimes will have to come to an end. Circumstances are devilish and they require greater amount of strength to fend off. Guess, exhaustion came into place and reality slapped me across my face. Anyways, "Sikh ja ke pyar karne de val, jhoote sang sade ik ik pal". If you can comprehend this, then good. If you can't, ask me. If I trust you, I shall tell you more. Other than that, good luck.

You know, sometimes I really hate being misinterpreted. Like for instance, I may like tomatoes. I may actually contemplate on buying it and may even stop by to take a look at it. And based on this actions alone, people may come to the conclusion of assuming that I am there to steal those tomatoes. Now that really frustrates me. I mean wise men have mentioned that "Assumption makes an ASS out of YOU and ME. So we should stop assuming and instead, learn how to clarify. Yet some people simply don't choose to follow this.

But honestly, what can I do ?. I am tired of standing up for myself at times. I mean I would stand up for myself and even this would bring the wrong impression to people. So what's the point ?

Hah, anyways, the year is coming to an end. Frankly, I wish 2011 would be a really better year. I'm tired of hoping for a better year especially when it doesn't turn out to be that way. I guess I'm horribly tired of too many things at this juncture. Lol. Maybe I should start ranting about a few funny happenings ... :P

#1 : I've kinda planned out my New Year resolution and its really short and simple. I mean it may seem subtle but for the trained mind, it speaks a million words. My New Year Resolution is : "Live, Laugh, Love". Simple.

#2 : Yesterday happened to be a very emotional day for me. Nahh, don't worry. I got my bonus. And the thing is, my boss gives me a Maybank cheque and I need to exchange it for cash and all. So for the first time, I literally had wads of cash in my hand. I mean normally the amount in the bank account would like good but to have it all in your hands spell a different feeling. I ended up going to the nearest toilet. I locked myself up in a solitary cubicle and literally spent each and every second kissing, smelling and saying thank you to the wads of cash. My hard-earned money, dude !! Haha.

#3 : My friends know that I love toys and carebears and they got me some :)). Seriously, I am freaking addicted to White carebears. I have 4 carebears + 1 bear on my bed and now a new White Carebear to the collection. Can you believe, I sleep with 6 bears on my bed ? :P

#4 : I am beginning to appreciate the fact that I have 2 phones. Haha. While I use one solely for the purpose of taking pictures and the other for the purpose of making/attending calls. Well I am always on the phone, in a conference. And the battery life in my touch screen phone sucks. So I resorted to using a Nokia (highly recommended for NSF) phone for the calling purposes :P.

#5 : I went for a shoulder-neck massage for the first time and oh my God. The experience was too over-whelming. Well ok, I shall be really honest here. Alright ?. Firstly, I had a plethora of stress knots in my shoulder area. So it was really freaking painful as the masseuse tried to release the stress knots on my shoulder. Phew !! And I ended up tearing. Also my G-spots happen to be at my neck area and haha many a time, yea .. haha. I didn't know massaging can get so sensual. Haha lastly, I almost urinated out of pain ! Hahaha. Especially when the masseuse was trying to remove those stress knots. So immediately after the massage, I ran to the toilet :P.

Anyways, I am literally in office, trying to type this out. I started off in the afternoon but now, I cannot really focus in finishing it since I've got tonnes and tonnes of work to do. So for now, I shall call it quits. Haiz.

I'll be going bugis for some shopping later. X'mas, what to do ?. And I'm suddenly down with fever. These fever pangs are a total pain in the ass. Damn, nothing can stop me from enjoying my X'mas parties. They are starting from tomorrow !! Wooohooo.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL :))

2010-09-01T09:50:00.002+08:00

Hi bloggy.

I am feeling mentally and physically drained. You know, my lawyers around me are saying that sleep is the best way to recharge oneself. But for some reason, I don't see sleep as a way to recharge myself. I mean, I never really saw it that way. I have always seen sleep as a necessity that has to be done just for the sake of it. Well, I guess I have to believe in that ideology to make the best out of that 4-5-6 hours of sleep that I get.

Well now you know why I lurrrrveeee the weekends ?! That's the only time I can sleep till about 1030-12+. Well, even then, I always tend to oversleep. I mean I can always hear my alarm and that's how I wake up in the mornings. But for some reason, I simply cannot hear the alarm in the weekends and wake up really late :( . AND I don't understand why people love the mornings. I'm such a night owl. I love night. I think morning must be used to sleep while night must be used to enjoy. Sigh.

Anyways, I want to rant about my thoughts now. Lol, stay guled, aights ? * this is going to be interesting *

1) I think I always see gloomy people in the mornings. You know people who are simply rushing for work. I just don't get any positive vibes from them. It's like when you look around, you see traffic jams, frustrations, gloomy people, sleepy people, selfish people and the list goes on. I makes me feel so mundane. I kinda hate it. I mean, whats the point of rushing like some mental dog and failing to utilise that time to think about something positive ? Like for instance, mornings like to everyone is supposed to signal the start of a brand new day. You know, alot of people out there may not live to see the bright sunlight when the night is over, but we got the opportunity but we can't use it because we have so much of obligations to adhere to. Now, this is something which I myself hate ! Like when the bus is crowded, I stand and listen to music and think. When the bus is slightly empty, I get a seat and I listen to music and try to read the news on my mobile or from the "My Paper" paper and eventually fall asleep - just like the 3/4 of people in the bus. I feel that my every morning is just this routine. Its either I listen to music or fall asleep. When I fall asleep in the bus and wake up before my stop, I feel super groggy and sleepy and I'll be in a super mad mood till lunch. Haiz.

I feel like amidst the competitive world, we lose ourselves. We lose our youth. We lose our colour. We just lose alot of things. You know once this youth is gone, its gone. Its never gonna come back and I hate to even watch it slip by my fingers like that ! I am really making an effort to make my youth more colourful. Really. For instance, this whole dance group commitment. Honestly, its becoming tiring. I mean I can do something else on that Saturday - from slacking with friends and having an active social life. But I do sacrifice it for dance and end up biting into my rest day - Sunday. Although it can be mentally and physically draining at times, I realise that I have no heart to call it quits.

Firstly, I love each and every member in my team. I really do. You know I am very amazed with this thing called "friendship". Like we normally get acquainted with people from school and etc. But in Transitionz, I have people from all walks of life. People whose difference ranges from age to lifestyle to the way they speak and etc. You know its just so beautiful. But for some reason, as the group becomes bigger problems may get underway too. Well at this juncture, I'll point out misconceptions, misunderstandings and a difference of idelogy as the major monsters of destruction rather than any personal conflicts. Now this road may be not easy but I do encourage everyone to believe in my idea of not giving it up without a fight. Come what may, together fight, we will.

I know I went off the tangent there ( heehee). I'll come back to the point. Transitionz is my major outlet to carry out one of my major objectives and that is : to live life to the fullest. I love dancing and I don't want to be like the major 3/4 of the people out there : being a spectator. I want to be the other 1/4 who would actually choose to make a difference in their own life by choosing to follow their passion. Who said its impossible to juggle your passion and career ? If there's a will, there's a way. True enough, this strong mentality have guided me thus far. Don't forget ah, each year, I have to go through a major exam, juggle school work with commitments as a dancer and as a leader, taking care of funds, thinking about what to do for the group and with the group and also deal with major problems which can make me go mad and make me wonder if its all going to be worth the fight in the end. Phew, looking back all this, I realise that my life isn't smooth. I feel that alot of things in life is really simple but somehow, somewhere, something happens and it makes it alot more complicated. For this reason alone, all kinds/forms of hatred should be deeply buried. Because it makes a simple mind think alot and come up with ridiculous conclusions. But, God, always be there with me. I want to make sure I go through whatever you throw at me ( I know you have been throwing alot at me and I'm horribly tired of fighting with you but you never seem to stop ).

2) You know I think children are the bombs of happiness in everyone's life. You know, I personally miss my childhood. I miss playing with my mom and dad. I know I was a very naughty kid. I still am naughty. I love to play and prank people and etc. I used to spit on this particular guy called Nithyanathan when I was in Kindergarten (PAP). I used to throw eggs on parked cars when we used to live int he 3th storey at Block 125. I used to play bicycle with the neighbours - malay boy and indian muslim girls. I used to watch my mom cook and drool. I used to hug my mom to sleep. I used to run around school. I used to play police and thief and used my wallet as my pistol and chased the thieves. I used to play block catching. I used to skip my meals during recess to play police and thief with my friends (guys and girls) in primary school. I used to buy ice-creams, get wet in the rain, buy marbles, buy toys and play with them without doing my homework. Hahaha well, how many of you'll out there know that I cannot climb down the stairs in primary school and that I still have problems ( I STILL ) climbing down a stationery escalator steps ?. Haha I don't know why but I would simply lose count of the steps and end up falling down the whole flight of steps :( ... once I remember falling and everyone saw my colourful mickey mouse underwear in primary school ! And I love toys like crazy. I STILL love them. You know I used to have 1-2 hours of play-time till secondary 2. I'll play masak-masak, wrestling with my power rangers toys and pretend like I am driving my cars and motorcycles around. Hehehe. Now this is why I always play with Rishi's toys. I swear , when I was looking for Rishi's birthday gifts, I was freaking freaking tempted to buy toys for myself to play. I miss being a child. A child who had no worries, who always thought about wanting to play and play. A child who used to laugh alot. I just miss my childhood.

You know, children add colours to our life. Let me take my favourite boy - Rishi as an example. To me, Rishi is the only one who can make me feel so happy the instant I see his face. His cute mannerism, his child-like behaviour and everything about him just makes me feel so happy. Seriously, I can't wait to have the opportunity of looking after and caring for my own child. I think at that moment, I would revisit my childhood days. Imagine me and my kid having our own play-time and play and play with no worries. Kids just rock. You know I feel that every parent out there see their lost childhood in their kids. One of the most beautiful art or should I call it beautiful beauty (i'm sorry but I really have no words to explain this) is the fact that humans can reproduce and attain a baby. Wow, seriously, I've always been very mesmerised with nature for this reason alone. Can you believe it ? Partners mate to strengthen their bond and kids are a gift of their love. I feel like humans beings are something more than a machine. I mean, to me only machine have the power and ability to create something.. BUT we can produce a junior us with our genes and our child will look like us. Wow , God is such a beautiful creator ! For this reason alone, once I die and if I happen to meet him, I will be saluting him for coming up with such a beautiful bond and human development. Kudos to you, God !

3) I think marriage is losing its importance. I see divorce cases every damn day. And I feel that love can make and break someone terribly. Its more like they can be close lovers today and worst enemies tomorrow. It is scary indeed. I mean, can you believe that there are 2 extreme shades to a person's feelings ?. Hmmm. I've seen many awful cases and I feel that some people marry to attain full control of their partners and turn them into sex slaves. It's really very depressing to read their cases. For instance ( I am not naming anyone here nor invading their privacy and with no prejudice intended ) person A and B were married for about 4 years. Person A is the female and she was previously married and has a child. B married her and together, they had 2 kids. And B apparently demands for sex everyday. If she refuses, he will threaten her with a parang. A is not allow to be dressed in her house. She has to be naked. B will beat her up if she is dressed. Imagine the children. Imagine how they would be feeling to see their mom naked in their own house ?!!. And A has to seek B's permission to use the toilet at home. B also told A not to close the door when she is urinating or passing motion. Seriously, how sick can B get ?. I was getting so pissed off when I was doing this case.

And I feel so awkward when every applicant speak about their personal and intimate details. I can't believe that intimate details have to be dugged at and extracted to attain a better stance at the case. But you know, this can be avoided if couple decide to have a mutual divorce ? But many Singaporean here tend to fight , fight and kill off their partners through lawyers and due to this every single details comes out. We simply have to produce papers after papers of intimate details and this will come before the judge, lawyers and some "spectators". You know, some files are so super thick and those are the instances where couple will never give up fighting and making sure they had their last say.

This is really heart-wrenching. Seriously. There was once this woman ( she has a kid with her ex-hubby) who was telling us that she wants us to make her affidavit really strong and make sure her husband has nothing to say and he will die trying to argue back. I was feeling irritated but I didn't show it out. Mr E, one of the other lawyers said " God gave you a child to look after and make sure you give her a good life. Why all this fury ? Why all this hatred ? Why fight until like this ? No use fighting because at the end of the day you will fight and he will fight and there will be no end to this ". But well, she was too dumb enough to comprehend what Mr E actually said. But Mr E did make sense.

4) I really love talking to Mr E. He holds double degree, 1 diploma and 1 special diploma all in various fields. Business, Law, Teaching (UK Trinity) and Counselling. I just love to listen to his thoughts, his experiences and his thoughts derived from all these cases and his life. It makes me think out of the world - really. I shall quote a few things that he said.

i) He was married to a British lady and eventually they had a mutual divorce and they're firm friends till now. She remarried and when she came over to Singapore for her honeymoon, Mr E hosted them guest in his house. That's how open and practical he is.

(ii) He told me once that one of the clients who is a degree holder complained that her husband don't quite understand her. Mr E actually advised her saying " you chose him. You knew he was Pri 6 and you chose him and now you shouldn't be complaining. You need to make the best out of what you have. For an example, God gave you condo, terrace, bungalow , 5 room HDB, 4 room HDB, 3,2 and 1 room HDB room. You chose the 1 room HDB flat. So you should know how to make the best out of it, instead of complaining". Mr E also told me that a conflict of ideology arises when both partners don't share the same frequency. So its very important when you make the right choice". And quite randomly, I asked him this question : "Mr E what would you do if you loved someone and suddenly one day you find out she was cheating behind your back ? " and for that Mr E actually said " well, I will let her go. There are no guarantees in life. No promises. Why react then ? She didn't guarantee me to stay the same way with the same love and affection. So why ? " ...

Mr E simply rocks. I love talking to him about anything and everything. Once we started talking about dreams and we ended up going deeper into it - even to the extent of power naps, the effectiveness, about this Bee painting... alot ! I love love indulging in intellectual conversations. It just makes my day.

5) I think life is beautiful ( with the exception of heartbreaking incidents like death ) but its just that we have no time to appreciate its beauty. I feel that most of us will feel its beauty only when we're nearing death or we get to know we have a time limit to spend before we leave the world. I guess some things in life have to be taken with a pinch of sugar ( guys, I am not referring to the literal meaning). I think there's always something beautiful hidden in something. You know what I am saying right ?. Well, most of my readers would have known that I used to have a major misunderstanding with Logesh (and Mirna) and vice versa. Problems just cropped up and we moved away from each other. We became figures of the past, memories of the past. But suddenly, true love came into the way and true friendship will always prevail and we got back up from where we dropped. Now when we sit back and talk about certain misunderstandings and the words we used on each other and how angry we felt back then and etc seems like a joke to us. I am god-damn serious; we LAUGH our asses off when we think about the past issues. Now, I guess there is a beauty in every little thing. Do you'll think so ?.

Life is beautiful.

2010-08-17T16:51:00.002+08:00

Hello world.

For some reason, I feel that my blog is technically a window to my train of thoughts as well as to my heart. *Laughs out loud*. And well, not bad I'm receiving quite a number of hits. Well, I bet not many people know that I was noticing the hit list :P.

Anyways, I am sad. I am definitely very sad but I am not showing it to anyone. Sometimes I just want to plug into my ear piece and listen to all the sad songs in the world and cry to myself. ( And nope, its not my relationship problem. So stop guess-ing :P ). Sometimes, I find comfort in the most cutest of things, also in the things that I least expect to cheer me up. Funny much ?. I guess so.

Firstly, according to the doctor, the lifespan is limited to 365 days. A few days past by already. I am awfully depressed. I didn't expect something like this. Worst way to watch someone slip through your very own fingers. An excruciating pain to watch a loved one suffer. I never believed the facts in the initial stages. I thought people were over-exaggerating till I saw things with my own eyes. I had to slip in and out of the ward to prevent anyone from seeing the tears that welled up in my eyes. I just know that the next few months is going to be awfully painful and that I can still pretend to be strong. * Why let people suffer to appreciate your existence ? *

Next, I was really heartbroken to know how impression can form and break at a single instance. I mean I am vocal about my thoughts and I sincerely don't think anyone can subjugate my thoughts or opinion. I mean I am not saying I am always right. But at the same time, why must I change my opinion to adhere to your needs ?. There's this saying that goes like :- "if loving you was a crime, I would rather be a prisoner". I believe that " if I have to change my character and thoughts to suit your needs then I would rather remain as a negative character in your eyes". But what I can say is, I didn't fake anything to you. I was truthful with everything. So yes. ( Again, this is not for my bf )

Lastly, I can see a huge difference. I mean I am not blind to ignore the early signs. I made myself very clear in the last meet-up and yet I can see a difference and feel it. You see this from this angle :- There are two boxes of apples. So Person A and Person B are asked to look after the apples. Person A tells people that the apples in the boxes are fresh, juicy and crispy. Person B tells people that the apples in the boxes are rotten. So the word of mouth from both Person A and B will continue to travel around the social circle or even the circle within the community. Remember everything is a circle. When you start it, it definitely will come back to you. SO imagine if your perception about an incident or person is not cleared and heavily clouded, are you not spreading the wrong perception to the rest of the people out there ?. I mean never throw your trust into the belief of bottling up your thoughts and emotions. Its not fair to the other party out there too. A bottled up feeling will only exaggerate and intensify the situation. It's always better to clear it there and then.

Like I mentioned, the damage is done. Whether is deliberate or not, doesn't really matter. Everyone is affected not just the close ones. Its not fair to only feel from one side. Everything has 2 sides - even a coin. So please, stop holding grudges on someone for a misinterpretation of information from your side. You may never eventually know both sides of the story then. The only important thing is to untangle just that one person from the mess. That's it. Sometimes we have to sacrifice our very own feelings, justifications for 1 single good - for a greater good. So no use holding grudges.

Sometimes, life is just too simple replete with complications.

2010-08-05T15:42:00.003+08:00

"Each time someone stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lots of others, or strikes out against injustice, he send forth a tiny ripple of hope".

Before I begin, I really wanted to blog about a movie but I can't seem to load videos here at the office. So I am going to go back home and do it. So meanwhile, I shall rant about something else.

Thoughts

Anyways, the issue with me and that girl, let me call her G, got horrible yesterday. Well this issue started 3 days ago and from then on, I had been tolerating her nonsense. I did reply to her statuses and all but I never used inappropriate words at all. But I completely lost it when she started to use vulgarities and bring in my family for no reason. I mean, sorry la, I'm not like others. I can't sit back and enjoy listening to others trash-talk about my family. If you have a fucking problem with me, deal with me. Don't include my family. You have no fucking rights to talk about my parents ! Dumb idiot !!.

Also, I am feeling sad for a particular word that I used in my statuses to her. I called her a "mental fuck". I was really pissed off and I was technically pushed into calling her this. So yes. But I don't know la. I feel bad and I really feel angry also. I mean, you cannot use your state of mind as an excuse to trashtalk about one's family right ?. I mean what kind of words were those ?. Really bad. I mean I didn't even do anything and yet I receive the brunt of all those vulgarities. To be really honest, I think you were pissed off with 1 member of the group and you decided to vent your frustrations on me. I mean I'm not his mother you know. I think you should have simply opened your mouth there and then instead of making it an issue later on. Haiz. I really don't know why trivial things always turns out into a mountain. BUT, for some reason, me and a few people believe that someone instigated this. Well, if I ever get to know that YOU were involved in this, mind you : you're so going to die.

Haiz, too many people came online on MSN, Facebook and even sent me smses and emails to ask me what happened. And to be frank, I am so embarrassed with the whole thing. I mean this could have been contained well enough but G actually mentioned the name and used vulgarities on my wall and all. I mean which friend of mine doesn't know my group's name nor my Facebook account ?. SO damn embarrassing. One of my friend actually said the following : " OMG dei ! I can't believe you had such a dancer in your group. Her posts reek of vulgarities. So cheap and damn paraiah-ish" and another said "wah that G is so uncivilised ! ". I mean people do read and they make their own assumptions and all. Sometimes I won't even know what they will think and so on and forth. But I am certain that they are definitely going to question G's upbringing. Now this is why I was trying to be as professional sounding as I could be till she used the "P_____ M_____". I so feel like giving a tight slap to G for using this word. She does deserve a slap especially for using this word.

I really think that G's parents are getting a bad name because of G's hasty posts and so on. I really don't even know if she's thinking before posting all these nonsense. 2 dancers called me up yesterday and expressed their anger. They were pissed off with her but honestly, how can I contain their anger when I myself am angry ?. I mean there's no reason for all this to happen but it happened. I got no idea but I hope this ends fast.

You know sometimes I really hate being Indians because of the fact that we love DRAMAS and we ourselves tarnish our own name ! This incident is a perfect example of that.This incident clearly encapsulates the whole essence of the whole "indian-pariah" behaviour. I mean I am not saying that I am bad mouthing my own race here. We have people whom we should be proud of but at the same time, at a country where we're the minority of the minority, this kind of incidents simply give the major majority of the majority to have a say in our behaviour and our mentality. It's really depressing sia. And for some reason, if people like G exist and start talking without thinking, people will continue to look down on the Arts. Haiz.

I don't know la, but I hope things will settle in. I don't know why but people like G, (dickhead), and some people from the past just have to bring embarrassment after embarrassment for me. I try to come back and show people what we are capable of and yet, these people bring me and us down ! Sometimes I feel so tired of coming back especially since it will always go back down.

And I realise that one's surrounding really plays a big part in the way they think and behave. If you notice well, all the ones who belong to the higher spectrum have their own "class" and behaviour and so on. Their lifestyle is alot different and everyone within themselves are very matured and have a sense of end in mind and they're always equipped with strong objectives. But : ____________ ! Haiz.

I don't know la. I am very upset with the way things are turning out to be like. SAD.

2010-08-03T14:28:00.002+08:00

Hello bloggy ! I am back. I've always wanted to rant about a myraid of issues but I guess I was simply bogged down by work, exhaustion and many more.

Anyways I am freaking angry with a particular issue and I know I will feel much better when I express all my thoughts out rather than to bottle them up and destroy myself. Now, let me reiterate this point clearly well :- I am expressing what I have been feeling thus far and if its going to bother you badly, then come and ask me why I said that and etc and I'll tell you why.

Firstly, before that I need to mention something here. It is really tough to come to terms with the impending fate. Initially I couldn't believe my own ears and I didn't accept it right away. It took me a few good hours to register that piece of information and memories started to take me back to those good'ol days. Tears started to flow like a river. I am definitely upset but I know that none of us in our clan ever give up without a tough fight. I guess this is part and parcel of growing up. Fight fight and fight, we will !

Now, this is going to be for you and about you ! I am really so fucking pissed off with you and your mental thoughts. I mean, if you have problems trying to place your thoughts in the proper order, don't come and fucking blame me for it ! ( And clarification : this is not for my bf. So stop guessing ).

My thoughts ( PS: Its not to gain sympathy or etc. Its just me and my thoughts. Need any clarification ? Ask me ! Have the guts to ! )

Firstly, I am damn pissed off with you. Seriously, what have you done thus far ?. If you're going to come up with the crap called : time, money and effort, I am going to bitch-slap you. You literally went missing for half the year ( infact more than that ). Yes, you are working and all. Then what about me ? Am I like playing soccer at work ?. C'mon man ! Trade your fucking shoes with mine and then have the fucking guts in you to speak . You are only good at doing 2 things : 1) Give up. If you find any problems anywhere, that's it. "Vitz, I don't think I can do this cos I got blah-bah-blah" and 2) blame me for everything. Have you ever had that mini thought in you asking you, what may or will happen if you choose to leave ? No ! You never had. You people are just fucking selfish. If you have a fucking problem, you would run away from it rather than to face it like a MAN and more than just a MAN ( and this applies even to the ladies ).

T is made up of several individuals. We all have a plethora of commitments and goals but we come under one roof just to fulfil our passion. Passion cannot be bought with money. Passion is passion no matter what. You will do EVERYTHING in your might to not let it slip through your fingers ! If you are letting it slip through your fingers, then its not passion; it is called hobby. I have several commitments. Firstly its not easy for me to get up on Sat. But compared to last year, I know I have put in the effort to turn up early. You can ask anyone in T. Some people have already mentioned that yes, the effort is there. But if you are not aware of this then don't come and open your mouth. Last Sat, I was totally down with high fever. Infact I was feeling too bad. I couldn't even stand up. So I decided to pop in panadol and sleep for an hour. I did that and walked to the bathroom to shower. I couldn't stand, so I sat on the toilet bowl every now and then and managed to shower. And that was when I even took a fucking cab to come down. When I come down, what did you have to say ? When you uttered those words, almost as instantly, I felt fuckign disgusted with you. Madam, I understood your situation since last year and I gave you many chances. If I had wanted to, I could've exercised my leadership rights and banned you from dancing for Dance Floor 2009 because of your absence due to your own plight. But no, I don't do such things. I be a good friend then a leader. Sometimes I think its a big mistake to treat someone like a sibling. Maybe I should put you people at a distance and treat you like a member and FULLSTOP ! The closer they get to you, the more they would want to utter unnecessary words.

I am not even pissed off with the words you used on me. But I am pissed off with the words you used on my team ! Who the hell do you think you are man. Firstly, learn how to behave and then choose to talk about such issues. For now, if I ever give you a chance to dance in my group, then SLAP ME ! Cos I know for sure that this is the end.

And yes, some people use my group to fulfil their personal and selfish needs. Some join to get attached. Some join to get the fame and then will leave the group prematurely. Some choose to join and then would suffer with the responsibilities and commitments and then wouldn't be able to juggle them and would obviously tap out ! Selfish bastards !.

There are people out there who give the least concern for T and yet act and talk like as though they were kings/queens of T and that T owes them a fucking living. Look, don't come and show your attitude here. If you want such an attitude, go and join some established group and seek their trainer's instructions and dance to his/her tunes or go form your own dance group.

For instance, one mentioned he/she cannot juggle with his/her commitments and have to focus on a few objectives. Although it was too sudden, it seemed like a fair thing. The now, he/she has another commitment. So at this instance can I ask howcome you can commit there but not here ? I also had that desire to commit there but for the benefit of T, I decided against it. I had to sacrifice my other passion for T. But nope, I never bragged about my sacrifices and even spoken about it to anyone within T. Only my close friends know this.

Another one can turn up for all practices and performances but decide not to dance. So why did you dance last year ? Don't give me crap like you cannot commit to the team. Hello, I can understand if you are worried about being unable to commit for competitions but even guest performances ? Especially when you turn up for them all ?. Do you think no one raised any questions about this ? They did and its just that I didn't tell you nor anyone associated with you. I covered your tracks for you. So in this instance, don't ever dare to open your mouth and rant out about my groups ? Why, because you have no standards to talk about T. I would have appreciated if you had tried but you didn't.

You know, I can go on and bring out each and every flaw in everyone of you'll. But at the end of the day, what is the point ? We are all not perfect. We are humans for Pete's sake ! And what more, people will stand up for each other, misinterpret and assume their own things and keep it within themselves and one day it will all blow up and every single one will get hurt. So what's the point in the end ?.

As of now, I am going to dismiss your thoughts as being spears of your insecurities. Enough said. I am not going to give 2 hoots to you. I know what to do with T and etc. I don't need your support nor help. Thanks for everything and enough said.

2010-06-25T03:12:00.003+08:00

This is going to be a real short entry.

Anyways, I think i used to have too many routes for a single destination and this confused me and I ended up losing focus. Actually, the key idea is FOCUS , F.O.C.U.S !

For now, I am happy with the way things are going. And I am terribly in love with Paulo Coleho's "The Devil and Miss Prym". Did I mention that I simply love Paulo Coleho's books ?. I don't know why but I feel like he writes what I want to know more about. And I enjoy reading the themes that Paulo explored in this book , namely : The different/possible faces of Terror, Good vs Evil and temptations ! You know sometimes I feel like writing a book. I think I will when I am in my late 40s. Yeap.

And I am officially addicted to The Mentalist.

Check this out and its funny

2010-06-17T02:10:00.002+08:00

Hello world ! I got a few things to blog about and so, hang in there.

My thoughts

You know, for some reason, I miss Bibbo's blog. Bibbo is an intellectual person. His train of thoughts appear too sophisticated for the general masses to comprehend. I like the way he blogs and I somehow love the way he thinks. I miss his blog. And I really do.

And I can't help but feel disappointed with the way humans behave at times. Well, human beings are really selfish and we don't need a rocket scientist to point this out to us and if there's going to be anyone out there who refutes this claim, I'll simply say "bull's fuck" right on your face. I can't help but draw this particular conclusion with regards to what happened very recently. And it goes like :- when something like that happens to you, you would whine and kick a big fuss out of it. You would blog about it, put it up as your Facebook status, your MSN display nicks and whatnot. You would show your emotions in a myriad of ways BUT when it happens to others, you would simply label them as being "childish" and start to preach.

Why do we feel pain when we can only feel it ? Why can't we feel pain when its inflicted onto others ? Selfish ? Yes I think so too. And I can't disguise my disgust when I think of you as a selfish person. Seriously, what the hell were you thinking ?. I really doubt if you even had an inch of some moral fibres to let you know of your distasteful attitude. Sorry to say this right now, I may have gotten a good impression of you then but now, as the days passes by, I am beginning to think otherwise and obviously, your attitude sealed it all nicely. So if you think I am ignoring you or avoiding you, then well, I guess you should know why. I don't ignore people for fun :)

Anyways, I am a little edgy when I realise that I don't read much books. I love books and they help to quench my insatiable desire for knowledge but I feel that Wikipedia and Google gotten the better hand out these. Well, I miss reading. I need to cut back on my addiction to my online portal and movies. I need to train and read books. We need to develop 2 aspects of our body - physical & mental aspects.

I miss my baby. He went back to work after some time. For those who didn't know this, he twisted his knee while he was playing soccer and he only had 3 weeks of recovery phase when the soccer boys decided to ask him to play and I was against it. C'mon, I must be the Goddess of knee injuries. I can tell you what you should do and not :P .. so I warned him saying that he shouldn't go for his match but instead, come for mine (as a spectator). But he breached my less than authoritative orders and went for the match and he twisted his knee again and this time it was bad. He had to consult a specialist. But thank God, things are fine. So he's always busy whenever he's working and I hate it. I just want to spend time with him. I mean I even miss him when I am with him. Yes, I know. It sounds complicated but I really miss him so much. Its like.. I want to continue to hug him and never leave him. Alot of girlfriends out there are very lucky. They get to meet their boyfriends many times a week but I can't do that due to the nature of his work and to make things bad, he's planning to be an Air Steward. He loves to fly around and this apparently satisfy his love to fly around. But hello, I don't like it. I don't like the idea of you being somewhere else without me. I'll miss you !! I just want to hug you and fall asleep- always and I hate my bolster because it's not YOU !. Ok, enough said. I don't want to sound like a whiny girlfriend :P but ... I LOVE MY KABILAN :))

Oh anyways, I am beginning to appreciate one of the most famous phrases in the United States Declaration of Independence which is namely : "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness". Actually for some reason, I think I can explain the "myth" behind why people tend to cry alot after they spend a whole day laughing. Well like what it is suggested as "the pursuit", we can understand that we can go in search of happiness. It wouldn't literally come to us. Meaning, we need to work for it. Happiness is something that we can pursue but we cannot have it. So maybe, that is why a wiseman - I can't remember if its Abraham Lincoln or Napolean Bonaparte who mentioned that the real man laughs in the face of adversity (and distress of course). I guess tears are technically emotions that the mouth can't speak of. So lets start pursuing happiness. We have the right to be happy. And I'm not going to allow any asshole (yes YOU ) to bring me down. You maybe have eaten into my systems directly or indirectly but asshole, I am not going to allow you to bring me down.

Light-hearted rants

And, I am so smitten by Jaden Smith. I mean obviously he caught my attention in "The Pursuit of Happyness" but after "Karate Kid 2010", I was simply blown away. I don't wish to sound like a closet pedophile here but frankly, I do admire him and I adore and respect his talent. He's multi-talented ! Woohoo.

Oh my, his cheeks looks so pinch-able and omg, he's so damn cute !!

Hot kiddo :)

He's just so cute.

And I found this out on the net and I can't help but adore his cool demeanor. Wow, I like such a trait but oh please, I don't mean you pretend like you're cool. Be cool or end up as a fool. Simple ! And check out those slick movesss :P

And I like this song by Justin Bieber and Jaden Smith. I don't understand why people hate Justin Bieber. I mean yes he is high-pitched but hello, don't you sound like one when you're young ? I guess some guys are just too immatured or dumb - they just can't seem to understand his talent. Period.

And I ripped this out of a cool blog !

My exact sentiments when I wait for a fucking train which is always packed with "cosmopolitan" sardines *winks*

2010-06-14T14:08:00.004+08:00

Hello blog. I know I've been missing in action for a few days but well, I am back :).

Anyways, WORLD CUP FEVER IS ON !! I'm hella excited for those sensational matches. I'm going to rant about world cup soon but before that, some news for all.

Before I begin, Happy 10th month to me and my babyboy ♥♥♥ :) He has the ability to irritate the shit out of me as well as to make me the most happiest girl in the world. But either ways, I still love him alot. Weeeee ! I can't wait for our 1st year anniversary !! 2 more months !

Well, on Saturday (12/6/10), I had an interview with a Lawyer (I'm not going to disclose the name yet). He has been practicing Law for the past 29 years. When I walked into his office which was located at Chinatown, I was packed with excitement. It was literally like walking into a school ! There were gazillion files everywhere and the office itself spelt - EXPERIENCE. It was really an eye-opening experience. As I sat back and chatted with the Lawyer, I realised that knowledge means the world. No wonder all wise people speak lengths about knowledge. Knowledge is wealth ! The lawyer was giving me some sound advices and at one point in time, he asked me if I have interest in Law. I was very frank with him. I told him my first love was Law. And he was actually encouraging me to do law. He told me he can see that I have the inclination for Law and he thinks I can excel at it. So that made me very confused.

And after that, he gave me the scope about the job that I was going to do. It's technically like I am the Lawyer's assistant who also deals with admin related Law documents and etc. So I was hella excited. I was also smiling to myself when he told me that I would have to know the Law "language" - the jargon and all. I mean I do know what they are and so it isn't a big problem to me. He even told me that I would have to pay some visits to the court ! And the best part was, he told me that once he thinks I am ready and capable, he would allow me to handle some light matrimonial cases to handle ! I was like "AHHH OMG !!" Haha isn't that cool ?!.

Ok to those who are quite unaware of my future plans, here I go. I decided to shelve my dreams of enrolling into either of the 2 universities due to my inclination to do a part time degree. I am embracing the idea of working and studying part time. Working right now till I finish my degree is going to give me the experience that I can hardly acquire if I decide to do a full time degree. I mean, I don't want to be "green" when I walk up into the working world. I want to have that experience from work and that degree along with it. I mean, this is going to give me the comparative edge as compared to others out there.

Option A

Earlier on, I was contemplating on doing an ACCA + Bsc Honours in Applied Accounting given by Oxford Brookes University. But when I had a talk with Kabi's aunt - who is working as an accountant for PricewaterhouseCoopers (PWC), I realised that the accounting world is really competitive. I mean you will earn big money if you manage to get into one of the Big 4 auditing firms namely :- PricewaterhouseCoopers, KPMG, Ernst & Young or Deloitte Touche Tohmatsu. I am aware that alot of people are doing ACCA now because of the stability of the accountant/auditor job. But when I look back, I realise that I am not someone who would want to work as an accountant for long.

Option B

So I am terribly confused. I am quite attracted to University of London's Honours programmes but I will have to take SIM as my tuition centre since I don't wish to go to London to do the programmes. But the shit is, I need maths ! Arghh maths is irritating the shit out of me in many ways ! So I would have to do a bridging course for 2 months and pass it before I do the courses.

Option C

The other option is , I can enrolled in the RMIT programmes offered by SIM but those are just degree with Distinction programmes. I really want to attain a first class honours degree and go on and do a MBA ! That is my dream ! So I am still thinking about that.

Option D

There is also a few courses offered by the University of Manchester for which I can also choose to place SIM as my tuition centre. But I haven't enquire about the admission yet.

Option E

Victoria University offers Diploma, Advance Diploma and direct route to Degree with Honours in Business. The whole course is 3 years only !! But I'll have to choose SIC as my tuition centre.

See I have many options here. Or even, I can do a Diploma in Management at SIM and gain entry into the 2nd year of University of London courses but the diploma (part time) takes 2.5 years !! There are just too many options for me and I am fucking confused. My decision to refused studying in the top 3 universities may bring shock to some but its my life and I am really planning for a better future for myself and as such, these are the careful plans that I have to carry out. I mean degree alone doesn't matter these days. We have seen how many people out there find it hard to find a job ! So this is my plan for a better future but I need to make a fast decision.

WORLD CUP 2010

I am so excited for the World Cuo 2010 matches. Honestly Spain has the highest chance of winning the cup. But I really see quality in Brazil, England, Argentina, Holland, Germany and Portugal. I am really praying to witness a SPAIN vs BRAZIL finals, SPAIN vs ENGLAND finals or SPAIN vs GERMANY finals. Wooohoooo !!!

my preparation before the start of WORLD CUP 2010

Yes, Messi is the king of the soccer realm now ! Wooohoooo !

Yes ! As you can see, I trashed Turkey 10-1 ! Spain is just too fucking good ! I love the Link up plays between Xavi, Iniesta, Villa, Silva and Torres ! Its fucking mouth watering !

The best team in the world ! Their midfield comprising of XAVI and INIESTA is just too good !

Watch this video to know why Spain will win the world cup

I just love the 2nd goal ! Just look at how Iniesta passes the ball to Xavi who controls it well and then passes to Silva and then himself passing to Iniesta and Iniesta controlling the ball really well and magically lobbing the ball to Xavi and Xavi laying it out for Silva to tap it into goal ! The vision behind the lob to Xavi from Iniesta was just fucking magical ! It is too good ! An excellent masterpiece of footwork from team Spain ! Wooohoooo !

ENGLAND vs USA

I was too sleepy on Saturday and yet I stayed awake to watch the match and England really disappointed me. I found them nervy in the opening stages till Heskey somehow made a brilliant pass to Gerrard who burst through the penalty box to score from the outside of his foot ! Excellent and composed finish from the England skipper ! He really was shinning throughout the match ! I am so impressed with Gerrard, Glen Johnson and Rooney. They really tried to score ! But I really wonder if Heskey is the good pair for Rooney. I mean they're trying to emulate the Heskey-Owen partnership where Heskey would bring the ball down for Owen to score but, it isn't the case here. Heskey just can't score ! And I cannot believe he shot it straight at Tim Howard when he had an excellent chance to score for England.

And Lennon and Wright-Phillips are not world class to create a magical pass for the strikers. I mean if its Beckham, he can contribute in more than 1 way. He can give accurate crosses and even score from free kick but both Lennon and Wright-phillips are just not good enough for the world cup. And I don't understand why England were too dependent from the wings ! I mean they kept on bringing the ball either from the Right or Left and crossing it for the strikers inside the box to head. But why can't they bring the ball from the centre and create a chance ?! And the defending was not good ! USA could have scored many times ! England had many chances to score but we couldn't finish it. And on Green's howler - I just can't comment ! Its too fucking costly a mistake !

Nice job Skipper !

Green's fucked up howler !

And he misjudged the path of the ball !

ARGENTINA vs NIGERIA

When I first got to know about the scoreline i was like "Wtf ?! They just scrape through ?" But after watching the highlights, I realise that Argentina were good ! They really attacked and Messi was denied 3 excellent goals from the in-form and fiery Nigerian goal keeper - Vincent Enyeama. OMG ! He's such an excellent keeper ! He really saved alot of shots ! Argentina could have scored many many goals ! And that's Enyeama and Messi there colliding into each other.

GERMANY vs AUSTRALIA

Miroslav Klose always scores ! I always remember seeing him score in almost every world cup matches ! He just have the knack for scoring for Germany ! And omg, Germany killed Aus with 4 superb goals ! Podolski's opener was awesome followed by Klose's excellent header ! And I am so in love with the build up play that led to Mueller's goal ! It was fucking good ! Woah, Germany can attack and control the ball ! It's sucha difference from the 2002 where Neuville will be introduced to score the late winners and Germany will always settle back to defend and hardly attack.

Mueller's awesome goal !

SOUTH KOREA vs GREECE

Greece are known for their defence and I know how water-tight their defence used to be. Greece were 2004 Euro Cup winners ! So I was expecting South Korea to find it tough to beat Greece but the actually beat Greece 2-0 !! And Park scored an excellent goal ! He raced from midfield and stayed composed and drilled it past the keeper ! It was beautiful ! Obviously, he's a red devil and it's so proud for us !

And I don't understand why people underestimate South Korea. They are good but not as good as Spain or so. But they're this underdog team that can sizzle. For instance, I saw Daryl's status of FB and it was something like " South Korea can score with half-open eyes! Shame on your Greeks ! ". But South Korea is a good team led by my red devil - Park ! I think they will progress to QF and then lose to a good team but I believe they will not lose without a good fight.

And I am fucking exited for Thursday ! They're facing Argentina !!! WOOOHOOO ! Exciting match ahead for all of us to watch ! I am so glad that my khaki loves soccer ! Watching soccer and talking about the formation, link up plays, shots , goals, and etc is just so fucking fun ! I mean can you believe, we would be calling each other up and will be in a conference and start ranting about soccer ! Omg, its so fucking awesome la ! WORLD CUP FEVER LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ♥ WOOOOHOOOO

2010-06-05T00:40:00.002+08:00

Hello world. Today I am going to bare my (naked) thoughts out. So technically I am not going to paint it to mask its true intention but rather, speak of the most transparent of thoughts. So hang in there.

Anyways, allow me to digress a little. I finally caught 3 idiots ! Ok, to be really frank, I kind of planned it with a few friends to watch but sooner they couldn't meet up and yadadada. And so the whole plan was shelved. I really hate this. Sometimes, when you watch this particular film on a DVD, you may go like "oh fuck ! I should have caught it in the theatres !! ". I got that exact same sentiment when I watched this flick on a DVD. So I have decided not to be overly dependent on my friends when it comes to movies.

And 3 idiots was really good ! It was making me laugh and think. Well, I can't quite criticise it ! It was really good :) and obviously, AAL IZZ WELL peeps !

And I am so in love with Zoobi doobi !!

OK, now a few (naked) thoughts :-

1) Please do not treat your friends like an option :- Firstly, some people may embrace the idea of MIA-ing saying that you do it to channel your thoughts into much more important things. But who the hell mentioned that a relationship to a friend isn't important ? You weep, spend time, shed sweat and blood to build a relationship with a stranger and you make him/her your friend and you tell him/her things about yourself in order to ensure that that person opens up to you and in no time, you become closer to that person. Now that is how a relationship is formed. But sadly, some people are so blinded by the whole MIA-ing trend here.

Frankly, I hate it. I don't support it. One day you would MIA and then when you look back, you would realise that the distance between you and that "close-once-upon-a-time" friend would be greater than what you had imagined it to be. And making a "guest appearance" wouldn't help solve the problem. You may come back but isn't it really selfish and cheap of you to conclude that your friends should always be there for you no matter what happens ? If that's exactly what you think then I am sorry to say this , you are really selfish. Some friends wouldn't give a damn about those who had MIA-ed but some do really take you back. But please don't use friendship as a cushion to fall back onto. Show the same level of dedication to your friendship too (as much as you show to other objectives). You may treat someone/something else as your world but please don't treat your friends like a mere option because one day you will be void of options.

2) Know the full story first :- I do realise that some people may switch sides easily to antagonise others. For instance, Person A might be close to Person B. And Person A may have a small disagreement with Person C and when Person A and B fights, Person B would switch to Person C's side and start spewing comments of Person A. I really think this should stop. Well, only Person A and B know what went wrong and you should listen to both sides of the story before coming up with a conclusion. So know the story inside out before you switch sides (and) of course, hold your tongue.

3) Why does a womaniser attains support ? :- I don't quite understand this. It is highly obvious how some womanisers breaks someone else's heart just like that and would immediately put up a false front and mention "I am clean. I was depressed when it happened but I am sorry now". Honestly how many of you'll think that a "sorry" is enough to nurse a broken heart ?. Think carefully. Just because you didn't go through that pain doesn't mean that that pain is tolerable.

Also, I think some girls are easily vulnerable. A womaniser may break their heart and push them off the steep and yet, they would believe that they're being nice by liking that womaniser's comments and pictures on Facebook and blogs (perhaps). I mean c'mon ! I know that we all should move on but what's the need to sell your pride ? Where the hell is your dignity ? Do you want to give the womaniser a chance to smile at your stupidity ? Some girls really irritate the shit out of me ! They can talk lengths on how they want to kick his ass and etc etc but when they happen to meet him, they would swallow their pride and smile at that person. For once, show that you don't give a fuck to all this manipulative assholes !

And obviously he's going to be ranting stupid thoughts about you to his future girlfriends ! Womanisers like the one I know, simply ace at twisting the whole story and making himself look like the one in the right. So the bottom line is, as long as those who are willing to be cheated exist, cheaters will continue to cheat ! So bloody hell, enough of the "being nice" bullshit ! Its your time to show the real girl power and give a kungfu kick right on his balls !

4) Do you know that Karma is bitch ? :- Well, I happen to know Person X. Person X is the #1 selfish bitch whom I have ever met in my whole 23 years of my life ! I cannot believe that a person like X lives in this modern generation !. X and her family stay in a house and apparently the parents couldn't settle off the outstanding amount and as per law, they were told to move out of their house. All this could have been avoided if X had consented to putting her name as the 3rd owner to "continue" having the HDB loan. But the good part here is, X will not be paying any money for the house and it'll be the parents who would continue to pay the money. Its just that the parents are not able to declare their occupations due to some valid reasons.

X's dad actually spent up to 50K and even more on her fickle-minded pursuits like trying to purchase a business and accumulating losses due to her lack of interest, churning up unnecessary school fees and penalties - just because she doesn't want to study after signing up for the courses. I mean we're not talking about $100 here but $50k ! I mean why couldn't X think about how much of blood and sweat that went into it. She even challenged her parents saying that "she don't need their help to survive" and that "they shouldn't come begging them for money". I mean what kind of a daughter are you ? Such a selfish dog !

As a 3rd party, I myself feel so angry. I really feel like slapping the bitch out of her for being rude to her parents like that !. I have never spoke to X's dad but from what I know, X's dad is a gem of a person and I can see how much he sacrifices for his well-loved children. I really don't think that he deserve such a treatment. And I despise children who treat their parents like scumbags ! I really was heartbroken to know those vicious words X used on her dad. I am really sad that I am so helpless. If only I was in a situation where I can help, I certainly would help. But I cannot believe that a 3rd person here can feel more for such a gem of a person than X- his own daughter. Shame on you X. Don't ever think I would respect you for anything. Even if things go back to normal and you are forgiven, trust me, I'll never ever speak to you. I have absolutely no respect for a fucked up corpse like you !

I have personally always followed this principle of mine for long and that is : If you can't make your parents happy, you might as well die ! X, if you can't make them happy, at least don't break their poor hearts ! Damn you ! I feel so angry when I even think about you and blog ! I am glad that at least, my friend and your sibling isn't selfish like you. I know for sure that my friend will look after her parents like precious gems till she breathes. I am proud of my friend ! If only I had you as my friend, Miss X, I swear, I would've strangled you.

Please people, I beg all my readers out there not to be selfish. Please don't expect something out of your selfless acts but rather do it all because you want to see a smile on that person's face. Please !

2010-06-04T17:09:00.002+08:00

Hello world

It's raining cats and dogs and I'm in an awesome mood for some good music with good lyrics :) and I happened to watch Vinnai Thaandi Vaaruvaaya (VTV) again. Sometimes I have the habit of watching films that I have already seen once again just to see if I attain a different point of view and etc. Well, I think VTV is a very beautiful story but at times, it gets draggy. And I personally think Simbu did very well ( I hate him btw ) but I think he really did well and I really wish that Samantha was acting instead of Trisha. I feel that she didn't act at all. All she did was to smile, kiss and have a sad face throughout the film. The variation of her emotions could have been better but the pretty Samantha did alot more better.

And OMG ! I found the meaning for the chorus of Maanipaaya and it's fucking beautiful ! And so I actually got it written in tamil just to put up on FB and my blog now. I really love languages and omg, words can really be so beautiful ! I am so thankful that I know English and Tamil - 2 of the beautiful languages in the world. I really think I need to learn Urdu ! Honestly, Urdu poems are magnificent and majestic ! Its one of the most beautiful languages in the world too. Wow, words , words , words - they're just so beautiful !

Check this out from VTV's 'Maanipaaya' (3.58-4.40) song, please try to understand each word - because they're that special. And for those who don't quite know this, its verses from Thirukural !

அன்பிற்கும் உண்டோ அடைக்கும்தாழ் ஆர்வலர்
புன்கணீர் பூசல் தரும்
அன்பிலார் எல்லாம் தமக்குரியர் அன்புடையார்
என்பும் உரியர் பிறர்க்கு
புலம்பல் என-சென்றேன் புல்லினேன் நெஞ்சம் ,
கலத்தல் உறுவது கண்டு

The translation now

Affection cannot be confined by shutters;
Uncontrollable tears will roll down spontaneously when one sees the sufferings of loved ones
One who doesn't love is possessive about everything;
One who loves would even be willing to part their bones
I went to fight with him, instead I hugged him
'cos my heart had already hugged him !

And now the telugu version of 'Maanipaaya". I really like the emotions Samantha showed here as compared to Trisha. See if you guys feel the same. And I personally think Samantha is soo pretty. Wow !

And lastly, I would like to put up another video of a good song from VTV. And its called "Aaromale". I don't know how many of you'll actually know the background of the song. It's actually a Psychedelic rock song with a touch of Country blues and yet origins on the basis of Hindustani music. And I found this on the net : ' The song begins with the elements of Blues and concludes in a psychedelic rock fashion. The chorus portion is based on the raga Bageshri. '

Enjoy

2010-06-01T19:51:00.003+08:00

Hello blog !

Anyways I am very happy that I managed to catch 'Ayutha Ezhuthu' yet again ! Well, I love the movie for a few reasons and I shall explain why. ( and I encourage all the fans and haters of Surya to continue to read on )

Firstly, I like the fact that this movie tackled the issue of politics. Well, we don't get many tamil movies that speak of politics. I really think this movie was so awesome. I love the concepts, dialogues, casting ( outstanding performance by Surya, Madhavan, Meera Jasmine, Siddharth and Bharathiraja) and the way the took this film with characters having this interconnectedness - its also called "hyperlink cinema".

I still remember how I kind of begged my friends to watch this film with me in the theatres. And frankly speaking, I fell in love with Surya more than ever after this film ! He did more than just justice for his portrayal of "Michael". I mean seriously, its not easy to adapt to a character that easily and Surya - who was previously doing roles like "Nandha" , "Pithmagan" , "Kakka Kakka" , "Sree" did this portrayal of "Micheal" as though it was a piece of cake ! . I mean if you look closely, you will realise and appreciate Surya's versatility. Its definitely not easy to be versatile and do a range of films like this. Surya is also dedicated in producing good films - when I say good films, I don't mean commerical-masala films like the ones Vijay does. It's definitely the hardwork and the guts to move away from mainstream films that brought Surya to this level of success - most of his movies have reaped good profits and established him as one of top India's actors ! Well, the great legend of the cinemas- Kamalhassan even applauded Surya for his outstanding work and the quality of dedication he gives for his films !

I do realise that some people hate Surya because they think he's very arrogant and etc etc. I don't know how he behaves in his personal life but coming to think about it, if you are technically chased by the media for more than 10 years, I guess your reaction would change and also, its a media etiquette that you have to abide by. You cannot be "too nice" and "too bad" to the media. You should know where to draw the line. But i really appreciate him for starting the "Agaram Foundation" which helps to prevent school-goers from dropping out at an early age. Think about how many bother about the society ?! That is why I have special admiration for Surya. I am definitely not promoting him here but I am asking why people can't appreciate his efforts.

There are really many hate club for Surya, Vijay, Ajith and etc etc. I don't think this fan/hate club affects the heros in any way. So its a complete waste of time for people to start hurling insults at the actors ,burn effigies of them and etc. I myself saw a few such fan/hate clubs for those actors and I tell you it was started by some uneducated people from our neighbouring countries.

Anyways, I am not comparing Surya with Vijay (let me reiterate this, I was a Vijay fan since a very long time ago. So I believe I have a fair share at passing some comments). Sometimes I feel that some actors do roles for the money and to tap onto their already known image. Vijay for instance, does exactly like that. He has this superhero image amongst villagers, mothers and kids. So he always does all those masala films and put 101% of hardwork into his dance movements. But dance only makes up to about 10% of the film ! ACTING ACTING and pure ACTING makes up about 90% of the film. So its very important to act. And Vijay also doesn't have the guts to try unconventional films and prefer to stick by the conventional films that he always does and this is the main reason why all the directors who prefer to take masala-filled films prefer to have him as their hero and that's exactly why top directors like Mani Ratham approach solid actors like Kamalhassan, Surya and Vikram (I personally hate him but we all know that he can act very well).

Yeap and I have washed my hands of my favourite actor - Vijay because I know for sure that he's never going to try new roles and new films until he doesn't get any films in his hands. Its very sad because he's a good actor too but he is one person who always makes the wrong choice of films to do and have decided to establish himself as a masala hero. But I really prefer watching a good film than a masala film. So yes, Surya have taken that place in my heart and etc. But that doesn't mean I HATE Vijay - its just that I prefer Surya to him. And I will also hate masala films that ANY actor does - even Surya. So I am not biased here.

I hope the younger generation will continue to appreciate good films and outstanding acting rather than to support masala films. Youuwhoooo !

The final scene from Ayutha Ezuthu - just check out the solid expression Surya gives even without saying any dialogues ! Now that is what we call "class" and only Kamal and Vikram have managed to do this. I love the ending of this film !

And this is one of my favourite songs too ! Woohhooo !

direct translation so the sentence structure would be bad.

think of the people
not mere dreams
we will make it a success
light as the guide
mountain as the steps
crushing the enemity

OH YUVA (youth )

take weapons
shoot down arrogance
take lighted torch
burn down wickedness
burn down the darkness of ignorance

reduce the distance between a poor and his life
make him stand on his own
break the hold of powerful on the law

wildfire spreading in the forest never comes announcing
if young men dare to defy, no need of any weapon

leave behind your fears, achieve your aims
forget narrow differences, stand on the victory podium

comrade, never give up

establish self-rule and instil confidence in people
win and keep winning against all odds

if good men give up, jackals will rule the roost
if an army of youth spread on the sky,earth will start rotating to the right

lets change the fate of the Fate

2010-05-25T01:00:00.002+08:00

Hello blog. Alright, today I am going to rant about SURA - Vijay's 50th movie !

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Oh yes, before I rant about Vijay, I would like to make certain points clear. Firstly, I've been a Vijay fan since his 1993 - Deva film ! So in short I've been a Vijay fan for 17 years. I love him alot and I so want him to shave of his moustache ! And I was so happy to see a new look in Thirumalai ! But I wished it was clean shaven and him to sport a nicer hairdo. But oh well ! And I don't know why, he's been sporting the same look from from Thirumalai to Ghilli, Madurey, Thirupaachi, Sachein, Sukran, Sivakasi, Aadhi, Pokkiri, ATM, Kuruvi, Villu, Vettaikaran and now Sura ! 13 freaking movies ! I am so tired of watching fans , critics and others hurl abuse at him ! Why , even I am not happy with him ! I am a fan of Vijay but I'm not a Vijay-Extremist or a fanatic. I do criticise him and I wouldn't want to blindly support all his terrible antics.

Although I know Sura was going to be a total waste of time and money, I relented because my mom wanted to watch it (well, it was part of her birthday treat). While watching the film, I felt so restless ! I was shifting from left to right and I even fell asleep. I was having a bad headache ! Gaya on the other hand was toying with her phone ! My mom who initially was excited for the movie agreed that it was a waste of time when the movie ended.

Satish aka Shade first told me that Vijay's introduction in the film was freaking funny. He would apparently emulate a dolphin and he said he really thought it was a dolphin till Vijay popped out ! When I saw that scene by myself, I was literally clapping ! Well, its expected ! I really feel like slaughtering the director for turning Vijay into a clown !

The story is horrible ! Totally half baked ! C'mon man, there is a better way to direct this movie ! Oh my God. And he keeps on flying and flying. I mean some of you'll may point out saying other heroes do fly and all. Well, every Indian heroes do fly ! According to the undoh directors, flying makes the heroes look macho but c'mon, Vijay is the only one who keeps flying in every damn movies of his ! I hate it when people compare him with Vijayakanth !

Surya learnt the art of Parkour and if people insist he flies, let me tell you the whole fighting scenes in Ayan was Parkour and he even repeated some of those in Aadhavan. I guess Surya decided to move away from the stereotypical Indian Hero films ever since Nandha. I am really very supportive of his new ventures ! He really makes an effort in changing his looks to fit the roles of all his films ! I mean Surya is definitely not the comical hero nor can he dance well but his comedy in Pithamagan and Aadhavan is good ! But sadly, i HATE Singam ! A typical commercial film ! Grrr !! I can't wait for Surya's Rakta Charitra , Arya's Madrasipattinam and Vikram's Raavanan ( I hate Vikram btw ) !!

I really hope Vijay would move away from such mainstream commercial films and do something different ! Its freaking irritating to watch his films and to witness a myriad of groups hurling abuses at him. Sometimes, I feel he deserves it. I mean you are given a choice to select the films you want to act in and why can't he choose good films ?! I am not a die-hard Surya fan nor do I advocate his movies but over the years, I am starting to appreciate him more than Vijay. Even Ajith is gone with the wind. Guess films like Sura are the reasons why people hate tamil films. Its so saddening man !

I found this on a website - " The negative aspects of Sura are no doubt the music, illogical, if not slow screenplay, gravity defying stunts, slow moving scenes" and "Verdict: In all, Sura is a usual Vijay fare that will be a treat for his hard core fans".

And I heard that some theatre owners are coming up with an emergency meeting to ban Vijay film's in the theatres due to a chain of losses derived from Vijay movies !

Vijay's recent not so impressive record at the box office has upset many and particularly the exhibitors who are last link in the chain of film making. Theatre owners in Tamil Nadu have called for an emergency meeting to discuss the status of screening Vijay films in future.

Theatre owners in Tamil Nadu charge that in the last five years Vijay has done seven films and they have suffered huge losses as they all failed to click. Out of Aadhi, Pokkiri, Azhagiya Thamizh Magan, Kuruvi, Villu, Vettaikkaran and Sura released in the last few years they say only ‘Pokkiri’ fetched them profits.

To compensate the losses they incurred by screening the above films the theatre owners are asking Vijay to do a film exclusively for the theatre owners. If not they will issue a red card to the actor and will not screen Vijay films in future.

To discuss the issue further theatre owners are holding an emergency meeting tomorrow May 22. This sudden development is closely watched by the industry. http://www.indiaglitz.com/channels/tamil/article/57153.html

2010-05-21T02:38:00.002+08:00

Hello world. Yes, I'm blogging again. I'm feeling miserable.

I told my loved ones that I am God's favourite child. Well I am right. I am ! I am damn right I am indeed. Honestly when I head to the other realm, I have a few dying questions (unless they get answered soon). Sometimes I wish we could communicate .. say via a phone or something ? Why can't you answer emails ? Hahaha, oh well, guess our Telcos are miserable. No communication network to Heaven has been established (yet) I guess.

And yes, my Old Fella' has decided to let me out in the cold waters against. But this time totally into a sea of uncertainties. I guess I need to navigate through the rough waters. But the question is ... where's the destination , what is the destination ?. I mean , I'm no genius to read your mind Old Fella ! Hahaha. What's up ???

And by the way, just to let the world know, I didn't get the courses that I wanted in Uni - all due to competitions. So what should I do ? Waste life doing something that I don't like or ?? I am ultra confused. I'm stuck in a complicated maze. When I make plans, I try to weigh them against the shit of course. I am confused -hands down ! I have a "round table conference" with God tomorrow. I hope to place my thoughts in proper order. They're completely clouded with "i don't know what".

Quite a sane explanation .. eh ?. All these temporal quotes ( as I call them ) happen to ( at times ) keep me within the boundaries of sanity.

Vithiya Kumar says : winners don't quit ; quitters don't win. So it's gonna be another shot at life ? Although its pretty draining, I guess I still gotta fight against it. Fight fight fight , all over again. Myself versus Life.36 minutes ago Friends Only · Comment ·

Well that's my status from Facebook. Guess I have to follow it. Maybe when one day when I look back, I may look at myself and say "Vitz, I'm amazed...you really like fighting ah ?". Some people out there think I possess an iron heart but they fail to see the countless reminders I give myself, the waterfalls made up of human tears, the moments I lose my insanity, ..... hahaha every other depressing moments .. etc etc etc. It's not easy readers, its not ! I'm mentally drained. I am. If it wasn't for my loved ones, I guess I would have found a permanent place to live at (winks).

Ahhhh let me digress. Watched Rock On! (hindi film) earlier and it was an awesome movie. I liked a few details that were presented in that flick. 4 friends who loved jamming and due to clashes arising from a conflict of egos, they separated and left their rock band. 10 years later they reunited and .... watch it guys !. Hahaha coming to think about it, I get reminded of Transitionz.

Especially since last year, I've been thinking if the idea of managing Transitionz is a feasible idea. For instance, some people left the group to pursue their own goals. Its not that I don't have goals in life or that no one is against me being in Transitionz. I do have some people asking me if the idea itself a feasible one. Some even brainwashed me asking how long its going to remain there. My parents themselves know it ain't gonna do much. But what kept this fire burning ?. Honestly, I'll be lying if I say it's 100% of passion. The passion is there and we all can sacrifice it for a greater good. But what keeps me going is the trust my members put into the group and me. A few newbies joined the group and kept thanking me for giving them a chance and they liked the group. You know, I feel refreshed when they smile. That smile brings me great joy. I like it when they feel proud of them after doing some stunts/steps. I don't know but I'll continue to be there for those who trust me. This fire will continue to burn till the last member decides to extinguish it. Transitionz - To Succeed Zenith !

You know I surprise myself at times la. I don't know how I can continue to remain this positive when I'm swimming against the current ! Hahaha. I guess God gave me this : 'Throw shit at me and I'll continue smiling' attitude man. But I'm not enjoying it but I gotta smile ? Yea ? Hahahaha Old Fella !

And , friendship is a circle. We've spent laughter, tears, time,sweat,LOVE,dedication, commitment, trust and etc to build it. I know what you are going through now is screwed up. I am praying that things settle in because I don't like it. True love prevails ! I know you are sincere, so time will bring us closer. We know it. Because, TRUE LOVE PREVAILS.

This is for a friend who believes that cutting oneself numbs ones problems. But its a momentary escape from your problems. Hahaha a loser ! If I had trusted the blades, I guess I would be the Mother of Wounds !

2010-05-20T14:19:00.002+08:00

Hello world.

My favourite addiction. Frankly, although I was a pro at Winning 11, this game was quite tough for me in the initial stages. Can you believe me when I say that I got thrashed by Portsmouth ?! But obviously it was only a 2 day-affair. From then on, I've been having the upper hand.

My babyboy :)

Celebrating babyboy's birthday in his house :) Well, it had to be simple. Baby was preparing to go for reservist and he wanted to rest. So yes. But I am really planning for a nice 1 year anniversary now. Hahaha. Weee :))

For some reason, I think Tumblr has got create such COPY+PASTE images/quotes/pages and etc. But then again, Tumblr doesn't look like an online portal where you would air your thoughts. I mean, you simply tune your thoughts to suit those images and all or sometimes ... you copy and paste those stuff and make it look like your thoughts ?! I mean I don't really like Tumblr. Hmm .... But of course, some pictures/quotes/pages and etc are cool but I guess you should also mention something besides just copying the codes and pasting them there.

A beautiful Jetty located @ Coniston Water . I really want to start travelling around the globe with my babyboy :))

Well, well ... I am still not over Fathimah's death. I was told by some readers that they cried when they read my previous post. I'm sorry guys, I didn't mean to. I being frank with my emotions. A transparent entry I would say. Damn man. I guess I need some time to get over it and settle down with the present moment. And at this juncture, I remember this particular dialogue from 'Vaaranam Aayiram" :- No matter what happens, life has to go on. Well, people say time heals all wounds but I don't quite believe in it. Time does make you forget and it will create somewhat of a momentary tissue to seal the wound but it never removes the scar completely. Never.

You know, I'm beginning to see competition as a double edged sword too. It spurs us to do our best and yet it also can smother one's fighting spirits. I guess there's a limit to everything but some people just don't seem to understand that. You know, I feel there's no reason to even do well for exams. Yes, when you do well you'll go to better schools and all. But oh c'mon, there's no fucking incentive to work so hard here in Singapore. Every corners are packed with competition. Despite doing well for As, I am not sure if I may get into the course that I want to. Hence, I am deliberately forced by the conventions of the system to think of a Plan B. But why must I plan for a Plan B when my grades and all can take me where I want to go to ? And this is the exact reason why I can scream at the top of my lungs : FUCK COMPETITION ! When the fucking bell curve moves up and down, those who generally think 70 = A grade will have to end up with a B and those who really cannot hit above 46 may end up with a S grade ! I mean why can't the grading system be constant ? I know of some people who attained bad grades and they're in University now. Well, it was their time where the competition wasn't this steep but this batch is suffering. I know of AAD's who were rejected from all 3 Universities and they decided to have private education. What the hell is happening ?! If this was suppose to end this way, I wouldn't even have decided to retake my As man. I would have just gone to a fucking private institution.
Argh, I am really 90% certain that I am moving out of Singapore after settling down with Baby.

And yes, tomorrow I am going to a special place. I need to sort out my thoughts. Everything's haywire-d in my head right now. I guess I am thinking too much. So I need to filter them and strengthen my thoughts - well that would ensure a firm ground, right ?

2010-05-17T13:50:00.002+08:00

Hello blog. I have not been in the best of moods for the past few days and do expect a variation of emotions in this particular entry.

First and foremost, I am deeply saddened by my junior's death. Really saddened ! And I just want to mention a few things here.

Rest in peace, Fathimah

Fathimah - I just happened to bump into her at the school library (MI). I generally have a good rapport with the juniors and seniors of MI and so I was friendly with her and all. I didn't know what lied beneath then. Soon after, another junior told me and my friends that she had this heart condition where her heart can stop anytime and all and she even carried some bottle or medical instrument .. it's something like it will be attached to her body - At this juncture, I can't quite remember what it was. But I was stunned. I mean amidst all the stress of the A level education system, this can only burden her even more. I was really thinking alot about it then.

The same junior who told us about her condition also told me that she spent 3 months in the hospital and did her O levels and she eventually became a top scorer in her school. I was feeling so embarrassed with my ownself. I mean I didn't go through such a difficult period but she did and she came out as a winner while I didn't. I really respected her alot. And despite suffering from pain every damn day, she always had this beautiful cheery smile plastered onto her face and she will always be in a good mood and look at life in a positive light. You know when I am bloody stressed up, seeing her will make me feel alot more better and I took her as my inspiration to remain positive no matter what happens.

And I really want to mention about her mom here. Her mother will always come to school to give her food and she will stay by her only child- daughter's side irregardless of rain or shine. That mother didn't know what difficult or hassle meant. She was always there. Apparently Fathimah couldn't eat all kinds of food and there's a specific type of food which she can eat and her mom will always do it that particular way. I mean I don't know how to describe the beautiful moment when we will be at the canteen and the mom will always come there with packed food to feed her. You know some emotions can only be felt , not explained ! But it was a very beautiful sight , very very beautiful ! No one in this world can put forth a perfect definition of a Mother's love ... it can only be felt , never be explained. But in a gist , Mother's love = heaven ! And I really really respected and saluted her mother. She was and even till now will remain as my epitome of unconditional love. I generally love to observe and appreciate alot of random people and their lives and always make some mental notes. And she's someone whom I'll never forget in my life.

On Saturday (15th May) , I was awaken by Pravin's call and he told me that Fathimah had passed away. I was so shocked ! I couldn't believe my own ears and since I was in a groggy mood I couldn't react. As in it didn't settle in yet. I had tuition at 1230 pm and dance at 330pm. I was supposed to go for tuition and head for dance but I had to push forth my plans and go for Fathimah's funeral. The time was 930 am and I had to be there by 12 because they will take away her body at 12 it seemed. So I really rushed and was reminiscing about all those moments I had spent with her and everything...

When I first went to her house, Pravin informed me that they're bathing her. So Pravin, Shafie, Karpagam and I waited outside and somehow we were talking about alot of stuff that I kind of took my mind away from the funeral. Just then I overheard what the father said and also Shafie told us some details.

It seems that she didn't die naturally. The dad took out the life support from her. He pulled the plug - he couldn't watch her suffer. Well, her skin started peeling out and her flesh was being exposed, she vomitted blood, her eyes nearly dropped out, her face was melting, alot blood were clotting her eyes, her body parts started coming out and .... all ... so he pulled the plug. In my frankest opinion, although i fucking hate the fact that she died , I think it was better for the dad to pull the plug. I cannot stand the fact that that poor soul suffered this much throughout her life ! Really fucking upset.

Soon, the dad asked everyone of us to see her face for the last time and they were doing some ritual ( muslim rituals ) and I was unfamiliar with all this. They gave us some light brown thing and we had to put it around her head and I did it. While doing it, I was looking at her face.. i swear, it broke my heart to watch a junior lying motionless there. I don't know what was happening but her face looked so disfigured. Her nose were like melted .. it was had melted and nearly "ate" her left eye away. And I think the doctors stitched it up and all. I don't know how to describe how fucking sad I was... I really couldn't stand it and I really wanted to cry my heart out - serious. I would have burst out crying if I had been standing inside. So I instantly walked out of the house, found a lonely spot and was crying my heart out. I wish I could do more than just crying but it's not in my power to reverse time or anything. I am so sad. I couldn't bear to see her mother cry too. I know the parents did all that they could but .....

I really pray that Fathimah is peaceful up there. She was always a fighter. She could have gone earlier but she fought till the end and despite all her problems and suffering, she never failed to put up that smile. Thank you Fathimah ! Although I am really depressed that you went away too soon, I hope this will put an end to your suffering. Girl, I really love you and will miss you but you will never fade away from my memories. Although we had a short stint during our MI times, I know enough to cry my heart out ! Rest in peace Fathimah.

"One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. And I will take away all the pain that you have suffered on this earth" Revelation 21: 3-4

Reflection

I hate death. I am so afraid of this that I really don't want it to be part and parcel of my life. Some people will say "life still has to go one" but I cannot move on just like that. I know that all of us have to go one day. But I don't have to courage to watch a loved one go off like that. And that is why, I really really make and effort to reduce fights that I have, forgive people really very easily and all. Alot of people have asked me :" are you out of your mind ? Why do you always forgive people easily ?" Well we only have that limited time on this earth and we'll all go off one day and I don't want to die with any regrets. I just don't want to. I want to lie in my death bed just like my grandfather - with a smile on his face. I was very young when I saw it and I often mistook it thinking that he was "laughing" before he died and that was why there was a smile but as I grew older, I realised that he died without any regrets. I want to be like that. I don't know how things will go but I just don't have the heart to see my loved ones die ... and that is why i really pray that I will be gone before they do because I can't see all this ! I fucking don't want to. That is why every little things affect me. For instance, when my mom , my aunty , cousin and I were out, I constantly kept looking behind to see if my mom was safe and all. She was walking with my aunty but I always have this uncertainty looming around me and I am always afraid. So I kept looking back and all and my aunty got irritated and she scolded me. I understand her irritation but I can't help. Haiz. I guess this is just me. The way I am. I hate funerals and I hate death. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate all this ! Just hate !

And to those people out there who take great pride in breaking people's hearts - you don't have the right to break someone's heart. Learn this. When you die one day all they can think about is how badly you broke their heart. I don't think you would want to be known as a heartbreaker ! Some people are super insecured. They think that its better to break someone's heart rather than them breaking your heart but in LOVE, you don't nurse insecurities. You only love unconditionally - not with materialistic or non materialistic conditions. I hope people will all realise this one day. Lets spread love, not hatred ! Please ?

Personal rants

I am beginning to embrace the fact that you should never expect so as to avoid disappointments. Yes, that is true eh ?. Sometimes I feel like some certain things in life looks so momentary. Like nothing last for an eternity - expect for unconditional love ? But even so, some people put such a abrupt end to it and well, that is certainly besides the point here. I believe that words have 2 different sides. Words can be a double-edged sword - it can kill and motivate someone. I am really mentally exhausted of listening to vicious words. Sometimes I feel like I am misunderstood but when will they find the right juncture to understand me fully ? I am really hurt and I guess its a phase I have to go through again-yet again. I guess I must be God's favourite daughter that He chooses to test me as much as He can at every possible moments. Honestly God, I am very very drained. I really wish you can stop because I can see that you create all these obstacles just to test me but I don't know the real reason and people out there do condemn me because they all they see is nothing but my failure. I know this is not fair at all - I really am waiting for answers but I don't get any ?! I am so confused because you make things look so complicated for me. I really don't understand why, God ?!

I hope you can feel what I feel and really stop it.

2010-05-11T15:53:00.000+08:00

Happy 9 months to us ! Yay !!

It's double celebration for us - our anniversary + his birthday on the 16th. Due to his tight work schedule, I am really trying my level best to map out some surprises. Well God, please help me out with it.

Happy us :))

Thoughts

Friends of mine know that I am not in the right state of mind now. Well, I'm really stressed up and things are piling up and its making me even more stressful. I mean this is life and there's no time for any screw ups and so please, don't screw this up for me. Please ?

I really feel very exhausted with some ideas actually. For instance, there's this new competition on Vasantham and its called some "SuperStar" thing and my friends are encouraging me to sign up since I can dance, host, act and etc etc .. but the main question is, what am I going to get out of it ? I mean I understand the opportunities and all but I really don't know if I have the time to commit for this.

On Tuesday, 18th of May, I've got a drama scene to do. Its for the drama called "Mani"- Siva's production. Actually I was fucking pissed with myself after the auditions. I know that I didn't do my best. I was shocked with my own attitude at the auditions. I mean I write scripts and have taught people how to act and all and .. despite being a director and telling people what i expect and all , I myself didn't act well. I mean imagine this : a scene where you know you were molested and obviously certain emotions should come out but I couldn't do it. I was like thinking how would I react if I have gotten molested but since I've like never been molested, I couldn't react. But that's not an excuse ! When it comes to acting, we have to visualise and act out ! Oh my god ! I just did badly la. I don't know whats the minor role for this scene but lets see. I hope I do it well enough ! That will lift up my spirits. I was so sad that i disappointed Siva. He gave me so many different roles and scenes to do and I couldn't deliver my best ! Fucked up me !

You know, I don't know why I am having terrible thoughts nowadays. Like how long am I going to live out my passion and all. Well, maybe it comes with having too much of expectations I guess. Haiz .. I am so confused and stressed up man.

For now, I am only waiting for a response from 2 different things and if I get a positive one, I guess things will settle down well. Arghh frustrated la !

Maybe the only one who kind of understand this situation is some people .. I guess Cheryl will be the best one .. cos' we're going through the same thing.

And last but not least, asshole, you don't deserve what you got. I guess you were just lucky.

2010-05-10T13:50:00.003+08:00

Hello blog !

First and foremost, I'm quite delighted to note that some random people happen to read my blog and infact 3 of them sent me messages to my email account and facebook account ! Thanks peeps :)

EPL Campaign

Ok, the EPL campaign has ended and I congratulate Chelsea for showing an outstanding performance. 103 goals ! That is awesome ! And of course, my best wishes to Didier Drogba for clinching the Golden Boot. I love him man. He's really good and has that predatory goal scoring instinct and he has amazing speed and good ball control ( well, minus his schoolboy antics la ).

I am still proud of my VERY OWN RED DEVILS ! We fought till the very end. We trailed Chelsea by a SINGLE point. GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED !!!!

And I understand there are some sore loser Liverpool fans are taunting Man Utd and their fans because we didn't surpass their record of 18 titles. We're on par with them now and I can tell you sore Liverpool loser fans that, we WILL clinch that historic 19th real soon- very soon infact. We're known as RED DEVILS for a reason assholes. And whatnot, I received irritating messages from Liverpool fanatic taunting me. And of course, I gave it left and right.

Praba sent me a forwarded message - guess he sent it to all Man Utd fans. So I replied back and our argument took me to send 7 page long messages and so on. And then I stopped and pondered ... well he must be pretty sore due to Liverpool's failure and I decided to stop arguing since it is a complete waste of time to fight with a Liverpool fan.

Last but not least, Liverpoolians - stay as LIVERPOOL not LOSERPOOL. 7th this season ? Try and get into top 4 before taunting us and dreaming about clinching the title la, assholes. When we win our 19th, you guys are pretty dead. And please, for Pete's Sake, don't even think that you guys did Chelsea a favour by losing to them. I think you guys simply buried your pride. Gerrard was totally not inspirational this season and I really pity Torres ! He's so talented and yet he's so stuck with a loser club. I hope he moves on to Manchester City. It's a complete waste of his talent and time to be stuck with a loser club. And Shankly must be crawled out with disgust in his grave with the current dilemma of Liverpool ! He proud so much of pride to the club and it's a club with rich history. Liverpool is definitely one of the most decorated clubs in the world and yet, what a pity ! Well, should blame it on the loser fans and that pretender of a manager they have. Loserpool, buck up, if not you guys are going to be relegated soon and Ayam Brand will start sponsoring you'll ! Start walking alone la, assholes. And despite being a Man Utd fan, I had my respect for Liverpool but i guess its the fans that make me DESPISE Liverpool totally and from this season, I have become ANTI LIVERPOOL ! FUCK LIVERPOOL !

I am so impressed with Rooney man ! He was really there for us. So much of burden on a 25 year old's shoulders. OMG , you were there Rooney. My star. But I really hope Fergie will make some important signings for the next season. I heard that Silva is interested to come to United. Welcome dude. But I want a fiery striker to pair up with Rooney - someone like Torres. A Torres-Rooney partnership will be mouthwatering. Please sell Berbatov-he can't perform when he needs to and he cannot be relied upon. I really thank Nani for taking the role of scoring goals. Macheda is good man.. I bet he's going to be world cup soon. And I hope fergie will invest more into buying very good midfielders - I want a good playmaker - like Xavi. Xavi's good very good vision man. He can change a game just like that ! A fucking good instrumental playmaker. And of course tone up our defence. Its time the old legends leave us .. haiz.

To those who mentioned he had belly. He lost it peeps

On the other hand, I do miss Cristiano Ronaldo. People think he's arrogant and that he's a Portugese Peacock and whatnot. But the truth is, at 24 he has managed to establish himself as one of the best players in the world. He may be selfish as to score first before passing but hello, he turns out good results. Like how he helped Real come back from a Mallorca's first goal. He's good man. He has that fiery desire to be the BEST and he trained hard and he becomes the BEST. When you are the BEST, you know what to do. Its your word against the others. Thats what he does and people instantly think he's arrogant. There's a thin line between arrogance and confidence. In my opinion he's a very confident player. I admire his confidence and his desire to be the best and nothing less !

He's simply ripped ! OMG ! fucking ripped man ! I wish I had a swimming pool in my house. I would be jogging like a mad girl around my estate and immediately swim my ass off and I'll be in good shape too ! I love his physique... wooooohoooo. He's sooooo goodlooking and he's got amazing body.

:))

Ronaldo's hattrick against Mallorca

WORLD CUP is coming but i don't think my father is going to purchase the channel since its so expensive now. Fucking hell, last world cup was alot more cheaper and now it's doubled. Damn them ! This is what happens when we have to solely depend on them for World Cup coverage ! Shit them la !

My personal thoughts

I was having a good morning till I saw this particular status and simply asked one question and the other person on the other side simply had to show some fucked up attitude ! Look you can be a King/Queen of Sarcasm but you know how to control your fucking fingers and mouth. I hate sarcastic fuckers and I can retaliate back too. I can insult you in many ways - many many ways but I can tell you now on your face that its going to make you feel damn fucking bad about yourself ! Self-confidence is what you show others but words can hurt you real bad. Trust me. I know what to do and how to do it but its JUST THAT I DON'T WISH TO INSULT YOU in the name of sarcasm. So play your damned cards well and don't test my patience. And perhaps, go and ask your momma to pay you to be polite-looks like you've got a serious issue with that, motherfucker !

I am really waiting for something to happen. When that happens, I am going to unleash a different me. I am just waiting because its going to be time, I give back what people gave me. But before I do that, something must happen and that's exactly what I am waiting for.

Dance

Anyways, I am quite stressed up about dance. Firstly, balls to those who would gloat about this state. Especially that Gay boy who is waiting to apparently take on us and that bitch with a fucked up attitude who is apparently waiting to prove to us. I don't care. We're coming back stronger. Don't worry.

But then again, I am very pissed off with this fucked up womaniser ! He BEGGED me to come back and of course I gave him a chance. He told me how his ex gf restricted him from joining us and I didn't buy his story because I know him too well but I still have him a chance because I do believe in giving second chances but that womaniser simply have reasons to NOT come for dance every time. All the reasons that he gives are fucking pathetic-just like his face and his life. Stupid womaniser, you are really going to get fucked by life and God. Haven't been to NS ? Yea? Hope you get your ass screwed. And yes, I call him womaniser for a reason - why because he cannot control his dick. He will be after every girl and when he meets another girl, he'll vanish from your sight and you will be labelled as a BAD GIRL FROM HELL ! Such a fucked up character man ! Yucks ! Not man enough to hold his own balls and what irritates me is all this girls who are too nice to him. I wish some girls will give him back big time .. only 1 did something like that but not fiercely ! Eeeeks ! And his friends think he was the scapegoat in all his relationships ?! HAHA paavam !

Secondly, I really admire the hardwork from some of my dancers - they know who they are but some are not focused. They have short attention span and I was really controlling my temper on Saturday. Hope things get better sooner.

Me preparing to do the "knee glide and push back up" move

Yeah - after doing this , you should push yourself back up by using those hands on your ribcage and the supporting knee ..

Like this and up ! This is really tough for me .. all because I have an injured knee ... normally people will use their left knee for support but I can't do that .. this particular stunt cramped my whole body ... I have suffering from cramped thigh, calf, hands and strained shoulders .. and Sashi neck was cramped , Ameen's legs and hips were gone , Gopi's thighs , calf and whole body was cramped .. and etc .. HAHA omg ..

2010-05-07T01:46:00.002+08:00

Hello bloggy

I am slightly upset with some stuff ... a few thoughts ... . I am thinking about alot of issues and I can't seem to put them into proper order to establish a certain form of coherence. Damn. And before I kind of talk about them, I just need the typical indians to stop asking me questions and begging me to reveal their identities. I won't.

Scenario 1

This particular person whom I know happened to be molested by his tuition teacher. When he was a mere 8 year old, it happened. It was behind closed doors and whenever he told his parents, his parents asked him to stop fabricating stories. He believed it was something "normal". He hasn't gotten rid of that phobia. He's still traumatised. He can't even get into a r'ship out of fear.

I tried my level best to put some sense into him. He told me he can only become normal when thing ordeal be reversed. Meaning, we need to travel back in time and undo this. But I am no superhero and I want to help but I don't know how to do that. I am encouraging him to step beyond and start living his life. He's trying real hard - i know it.

Scenario 2

You were not in a good mood. You cried and I felt it and so I called you, forced you to pick up the damn phone and you did. I was lending you a listening ear. I wanted to listen to everything but you do know that I am a sensitive person and I can really feel people's pain and i felt it and so I cried. I mean I am not a third party here to listen and then hang up. I'm a friend and I don't know how others define friends as but in my dictionary, I really go beyond the proposed parameters and try and fix the situation. In short, I am trying to be a better friend. I am really disappointed that you would come to such a conclusion - never ever to share your problems with me all because it will make me feel sad. What am I to you ? Have you like downgraded me from a close friend material to an acquaintance-material ?. You know sometimes I wish I was staying near you so that when you lack logic, I can come straight to your crib and give you a fucking bitch slap ! And do you realise that whenever you think - especially when you're in a emotional mood, you make the weirdest of decisions - to be frank - fucked up decisions. Seriously, i think you need a slap !

Scenario 3

Overtime, I got to know that X didn't have a smooth journey in life. X had to face the torture of meeting expectations all through his/her life, to the extent that his/her life depended highly on his/her parent's expectations. Like what the parents didn't fulfill at their own childhood, they imposed it on him/her. So living within the constraints of their own expectation was bad. I personally think you should set yourself an expectation and live up to it rather than living to the world's expectations. The world doesn't know your feelings and thoughts. They can't feel you because they aren't living in your shoes. But too bad, it happened and being dejected because of this doesn't yield the right purpose. Serious !

Fine ! The expectations is done and over with. I think some Indian parents ruin their kids. Some give them too little freedom and smother them with their own expectations. These kids who have such parents end up the wrong way - depressed. They often feel that they're not living their dreams - their interests are completely concealed. For example, when you think back and revisit your life, all you can remember is such unhappy moments ! Is this life ? On the other hand, some parents trust their kids too much and discuss open topics with them and give them alot of freedom and what happens because of that ? They get tattoos done behind their backs, lead such a wild sex life behind their backs ( imagine the parents getting to know that their daughter is a slut ) and indulge in booze and drugs. Sad life. Maybe Indians just love drama and twist and turn in their lives that this has to be a fundamental part of our community.

Coming back to X's life, the damage has been done and there's no use brooding about it. No use complaining about it. Seriously, no use. You need to start to reinforce the way your mind thinks. Sadly some people undermine the value of their minds. The mind is such an essential tool. For instance I know of this slut who apparently claimed that she is addicted to sex and she needs to have it every single day. But I am saying that if she learns how to control her mind, she can kick that habit of hers. For instance, some of us cannot stop craving for some food items - like hmm prawns ?. But before you indulge in good food, remember this - the taste only last for 5 seconds. You cannot preserve this taste for 10 hours ! So why eat it ? If you practice such an art of taming your mind's upsurge of changes - you can control whatever that needs to be controlled !

And whats the point of labeling yourself "hopeless" "wasteful" and "imbecile" ?? Its people who label others and if you're going to do them a favour by accepting it as your identity then its ENTIRELY your fault. God gave you the brains to think ! But are you using the energy to think ? You don't ! Why can't you stop labeling yourself and start building your life ? How did losers even came back stronger ? Don't tell me the whole world didn't label them ? Even John Terry - I hate that motherfucker but to think about it, at a professional level of soccer such negative comments about you on internet forums, Facebook pages, twitters and etc can affect your morale. His fans were insulting him on his face ! Radio to tv to newspaper to internet is your face and your cheap antics. Do you think he wasn't bothered ? He was !! Any normal human being would be embarrassed, disturbed, dejected and etc but did he bring it to the field ? And he's the captain of Chelsea and yet he stood steadfast in his purpose, his goals !

And that is exactly what I am asking you to do ! Remain steadfast in your quest. You know your goals ! You have set them well ! Now, all you have to learn is to control your mind ! I realised that its your inability to control your mind that even created alot of problems for you. it's your weakness. We all know we have to suffer in the present moment but once we know what we want to do and do it right then we can move on in life and live a better future but if you are going to step into a future with such a weak mind then you will NEVER have the character to face up whatever problems your future may bring to you. I'm doing research on this and I will transform you. I don't care if you like it but I am doing my duty as a friend. Hate you may but give up on you - I never will. I am not your parents or the society ! I am your friend ! Get it right !

Scenario 4

I really hate it when people leave their problems into the hands of knife/pen knife/suicide/drugs and etc. Why ? You don't have the balls to face up to problems ?? Next time use a fucking chainsaw and cut off your hand ! It can numb your problems for life ! And some geniuses can find a fucked up theory called "it can numb your thinking ... so that you don't have to think about your problems"! Honestly I feel like showing both my middle fingers on your face and scream "bullshit" ! You aware drugs also numbs people's thoughts and problems ? So is that right ? Sucide also numbs people's thoughts and problems ? Is that right ? C'mon ass, speak with sense ! Of all people I cannot believe YOU practice this 'art' ! Typically, its the low-life anjadi idiots who want to boast their love to another low-life anjadi idiots who would do such a thing ! Serious .. its low-life, uneducated idiots who would do this. Because if you're really educated, you would know that cutting yourself is a deed of a coward ! You're basically running away from problems ! I really wonder if you would be man/woman enough to save your mother from dangers if she ever get into one ! You run away from your own problems and how will people BELIEVE that you can help your mother in distress ? I wonder !

Like what I said, learn how to control your mind. You're too weak ! I hate to say it but you need to start controlling your mind or else your problems would start controlling your mind - just like how Lord Voldemort could contorl Harry's weak mind ! And you know the effects of such a weakness. Its always easy for your enemies to manipulate you and affect your life ! Please, I am begging you to start becoming the master of your destiny ! its only possible if you can learn how to shut away from the society and to learn how to control your mind ! I don't want you to put the trust on a low-life knife ! Put it on your amazing mind ! Please ! I will be there to guide you through this - because I am your friend and allow me to do my duty ! Please ?

A special dedication to you : listen to the lyrics well :)

2010-05-07T01:07:00.005+08:00

Pictures :)) ( more in my Facebook account of course ! )

Shalin's awesomeness BBQ party !

My babyboy and me :)) and it was a family function with friends of course - my future family that is :P .. and everyone know about us and although things are not official - I mean in THAT way .. hahaha everything's good :)) . HAHAHA as much as I hate his "botak" look - my mom and grandma thinks he looks better with hair !! HAHAH rofl ! :P

BABY :))) - he was sooooo cute ! He peeled BBQ prawns for me and fed me . He got so worried when I got tipsy that he actually asked his cousins why they gave me too much of drinks ! HAHAHA and lastly when I was swimming he got so worried .. cos he wasn't gonna swim and he was afraid if i'll drown ..HAHA yes .. and soon after he got himself changed - he took his cousin's clothes n swam :)) .. he's sucha baby ! I'm really lucky right ? I know :)

HEHEHEHE :)))

All sorts of drinks inside. I had 2 different types of Red Wine, White Wine ( my fave ) , Hoegaarden, a Holland beer ( I forgot the name ) and Chivas - this kicked me off .. HAHA

Us with Red Wine ( i hate red wine man ! )

I was really happy here ! Those are Sentill's parents ! And I really respect them for the kind of love they have even till now ! Awesome parents !! And they're Baby's Godparents :)) ... I am soooooooooo HAPPY :)) !! HEHEHE and Aunty actually told Baby not to hide anything and that they all know that we're together ... hahaha so no use being low profile :P .. and Chandra Uncle - he's not in this picture - he actually asked me "so where's your baby (referring to Kabi) now ? On the way ? " and I actually kept calling Kabi "Baby" too many times .. and it was really awkward when people caught it hehehe :P

Birthday Girl - SHALIN :))

:))

LOVE them alot alot :)

:))

RISHI BABY !!!!!!! :))

:))

He talks to me ( at times i don't get it ) and he listens to me :))

sucha BABY !!!

RISHI baby feeding me coffee :))

I LOVE HIM SOOOOO MUCH SIA !!

:)))))))))))))))))

style :)

MUACKS !

2010-05-06T02:29:00.002+08:00

I was supposed to rant about something important but then again, I kind of lost focus. Well, not today then.. DAMN !

Oh man, my tummy hurts - guess I ate something wrong :( !! On tuesday, I ate beef slices, beef patty, teriyaki salmon, rice, coleslaw, fries, ice kachang, ice cream and had 1 coke float and 1 ice lemon tea - ALL FOR DINNER ! Yes, you saw it right ! I am pigging out like crazy !! :( !!
OH NO !!!!!

Did I tell you? I am super addicted to the Minced Meat Noodle at the BPP Kopitiam. So when the whole Kopitiam was under renovation, I was upset. So today I was there and ate there :) and when I came home, my mom bought KFC - i ate 1/3 of A chicken piece. Soon after, I felt hungry and I ate Tuna flakes in Olive Oil with wholemeal bread .. OH NO !!! Early afternoon, I planned to starve since I pigged on on Tues but unfortunately, I had pangs of gastric pain and had to cook Aglio Olio with chicken breast. Haiz !

OH NO VITZ !! You need to look trim, fit and sexy ! No way am I gonna gain those pounds !! NO NO NO !! Gonna have light lunch and dinner tomorrow ! I promise and will be running on Friday :) ! Yay me !! And dance on Sat !! HAHAHA

Mother's day this Sunday , Baby's birthday in 10 days time , Mom's birthday in 18 more days .. I am gonna be hella broke ! OH NO ! I planned for something for baby's birthday but since I am low on funds, I need to scrap of my idea ... well, I planned to have a private yacht session with my baby with good food - fine dining that is provided in that private yacht and that yacht will be travelling around till the next morning ( if i am not sure, it'll go to a neighbouring country and back ) - giving us ample time to spend quality time :)) - oh no !! nevermind, we'll have it when i start working at a new company again :) ! I LOVE MY BABY !! And yes .. most importantly, our 9th month coming in 4 day's time :) wooohoooo !! Double the happiness for me and my baby booo :))

Sweet Child O'Mine

She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I'd stare too long
I'd probably break down and cry

Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine

She's got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by

Sweet child o' mine
Sweet love of mine

Where do we go
Where do we go now
Where do we go
Sweet child o' mine

2010-04-26T15:46:00.003+08:00

It's raining cats and dogs now and I totally wish I was beside kabi !!! I miss him - and the best thing is, I met him on Saturday ! Hahaha :P

Anyways in my last blog entry, I mentioned that Kabi is busy with work and as such we can't spend time together and all .. well 2 weeks back, he sprained his knee during soccer and I went to visit him in his house. And honestly I was pissed, sad and worried for him too and we ended up talking alot and I told him what I felt and he kind of agreed with me. He even apologised and was close to tears.. I was already tearing when I mentioned how much I was missing him. Well, from that day onwards, he made an attempt to change - as in I know we can't meet as often but he started to call and sms me very very frequently and I was really so so so happy !!

We met up on Saturday to celebrate Babom's birthday @ Sahara Bar. But before that we had our own personal time and oh my God !! It was perrrrfect !! It was such a blissful day for me. I love Saturday !! I love my baby alot man !! :)

Anyways, I just want to mention this :- sometimes in life, you will have to wait really long to find the best. I am really so glad that I did waited for this long instead of jumping the gun a long time back. I mean I am not saying I never got into any relationships - of course I did, but the point is , I could have gotten into many more relationships. I know I dated alot of guys but I always had reasons to not bring my date to the next level. Thank God !

Kabi is really the best thing that has EVER happened to me. I am so glad that he is part of my life and that I am sharing my life with him. I am 100% certain that he is THE one for me. I am really very sure that he is definitely 1 in a million. Many Indian guys are extremely narrow-minded - even if they belong to this century. But Kabi is not narrow-minded at all ! Not at all ! He shares the same opinion as me and sometimes his opinion is alot more better , his ideologies are simply so modernised, his character is outstanding ! He's so freaking understanding !! . In short, he's nothing like a typical Indian and that's what makes me feel 101% sure that he is the RIGHT one for me. Infact I feel very settled in life - especially my love life ! Mr Perfect ! My life feels soo complete with him around. He's really like my other half :)

I really thank God for giving me such a rare gem of a person. I love him alot alot and he loves me alot too. Honestly, I can't wait to get married. It'll come in about 6 years time ( I mentioned 6 years cos it'll give both of us enough time to become stable )... 6 damn LONG years !! I wish I can marry him right now man ! Haiz .. 6 damn long years ! Grrrr. And yes, we have decided to put a tattoo of each other's name after our engagement - and please don't think we're in the process of getting engaged. I don't even know when it's going to come. My mom knows about him while my dad doesn't - I want to break it to him when I am very stable in life. Kabi's parents know about it but I haven't got officially introduced :P and 3/4 of Kabi's family likes me - especially his cousins, aunties, uncles and dad ! Well, I don't know about the others. I have to work even harder to mingle with all of them :P .. HAHAHA and I cannot believe I am like blogging about this .. HAHA :P

Love is such a beautiful feelings - ESPECIALLY if you are with your OTHER HALF :))

Meet my other half !! Btw , I prefer him with his spiky hair but he likes to shave his head bald ! Haiz , hair hair grow back !!

muacks baby :))

Yes, thats my crazy other half :P

Rishi baby and me @ Causeway :) - I love him sooooooooo much la !!

I was soooooooooooo happy :D

Ishiiiiiiiii baby !!!!

I know my laughter here is cocked up but well HE LOOKS SOOO CUTE HERE :)

:DDDD

MUACKS BABY :)

ISHI ISHI ISHI ISHI !!! I call him Ishi instead of Rishi because he calls himself ISHI too :)

Btw thats my new hair-do ! I HATE the weather and so I decided to go for a short crop .. hehehe ! Trust me , its super short ! If I style my hair the wrong way, I will end up looking like a butch. Its fucking short ! Hahaha ! But well its a pixie crop ! And Kabi likes it ... he loves playing with my hair now :D

Nice right ?! Ignore Rakki at the back ! hahahaha

FLOORBALL MANIA @ Valhall ! - bloody hell !! My speed is still there man !! OMG !!!

2010-04-03T02:25:00.000+08:00

Hello blog. I am really confused.. freaking confused.

Well by now most of you'll would have known that my knee snapped last Saturday while dancing. I was dancing for Vanaras Pattu song with my dance mate - Shobi and while dancing , I suddenly felt it snap and I dropped to the ground. The best thing was, Lavan was recording our dance and the snapping of my knee was also recorded and it looks freaking scary ! I didn't dare to watch that video. Its up on Facebook by the way. Haiz , sadly my knee injury , which I obtained on the 1st of July in 2005 still remains as a major hindrance to my active lifestyle.

I know that I haven't been strengthening my knee and doing a bit of physio but then again, oh my God ! Why why why ?! When I was trying to put my knee back into place by bending it over and over again, everyone heard it snap while it moved back to its original position. For some strange reason, its not my knee cap .. nope ! It is my ACL which keeps on flipping. I am so sick and tired of snapping my knee !! Why did I go through that injury man ?! Why did that bitch crashed into my knee on that unfateful day ? Bloody motherfucker , you are ! And bitch, I still haven't forgive you yet ! Grrrrrrr how could you ?!

Haiz... anyways I am really contemplating on whether I should go for an op or not .. I am hell-confused. I really need sound advise here ! I shall also post some videos for you'll to watch and then peeps, gimme your suggestion.

I can't upload this animated video. Well, it shows the : Animation of ACL reconstruction. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q96M0jRqn7k

The real video (operation) - viewer discretion highly advised.

OK, let me side-track now. Well, this knee actually brought upon a certain blessing in disguise. If you want to know more about it, ask me online or something. I am very happy with it :)

On the other hand, I am very pissed off and upset with my other half. Its been 52 days since we last met or had a decent conversation and SMS-ing itself is a big thing. He told me to go on with life till he works his ass off. He wants to make a career out of his current job and for that he wants to work his ass off right now - even sacrificing the time he could have spent on me and his friends. Can you believe it ? He asked me to focus on everything else except him. He told me he would compensate for this when we go on a trip in a few months time. I am quite pissed off with his nonchalance. I mean I can understand his motive but then again, whats the purpose of a relationship ? Everything is supposed to be 2-way and he prefers to be caged up to focus on his career ? Why isn't it 2-way ?. So I am waiting to blast him big time when we meet .. I am so angry with him. After all this , he still had the cheek to say I love you and somehow told me to understand his current situation and that he would make it up soon. GRRRRR !

2010-03-31T01:09:00.002+08:00

Apart from the complications in the morning, I am very very happy with the 2nd half of the day. After tuition -( my tuition kid is sooo naughty and she's irritating me ) , I went to Lot1. Trust me , I was really shagged - oily face , specs and etc etc .. Hehe .

And And And :- My brother is back ! Omg , thats like the best thing that happened ! Omg , I've only dreamt of this day but I never thought it would come true ! OMG OMG !! Haha I don't know how to explain my emotions right now. The way we kept looking at each other's eyes and saying "I really miss you" and the hugs and everything ! It was simply superb ! You know I realise this , no matter how much you fight, when there's love , it totally prevails ! True love prevails !! I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy . I will post pictures when we take one :))) ! Till then suspense ... weee !

I LOVE YOU BROTHER !!!

Nice right?? I know :))

2010-03-19T22:33:00.003+08:00

Haiz , snapshots of my work space ( for the courtesy of Gaya - she told me since she uploaded pictures of her work space on her blog, she expects me to do the same .. haiz )

Yes, welcome to the office where I work. I reminds me of those office "cubicles" I watch on movies :P

my temporary work space till they get me a "cubicle"

all the important medical details

my stuff

while working

Anyways, I am very uncertain about a certain formation. Looks like changes have to be made- sadly. Haha omg , its MANCHESTER UNITED vs LIVERPOOL MATCH !! Like always, I will be watching it with Gaya of course. But this time, with a different scenario :P

GGMU !!!!!!!

2010-03-19T01:12:00.004+08:00

I'm not in a very good mood. I played out on my beauty sleep and I'm feeling cranky and freaking agitated.

Yes , this pictures depicts my mood perfectly well. I am freaking frustrated with people's attitude. Seriously, I had my fair share of respect for you but trust me, I don't find a reason to continue with that belief of mine.

My plight

Do you know how frustrating this journey is for me ?. Do you know how much I am struggling to have this passion of mine glowing ?. Do you know how much I am trying to keep other people's belief alive , their passion alive ?. Do you think its freaking easy ?.

I've never once complained. But c'mon, how could you have played out on me there and then ? But still I told myself to keep the hopes alive. Hey if you can get bitchy with me, I can get double of that. I can unleash the extreme bitter bitchy side of me - BUT I hate to show it to people. I gave you the face just so because, you happened to mean the world to a friend of mine. But it doesn't mean I will continue to show that same face to you and that other bitch too. Got it ?.

And there are REAL irresponsible people who did express interest in the squad. You expressed interest and you think you can just MIA ? What kind of behaviour is that ? Do you expect me to run after you and beg you ? Who the plain JACK do you think you are ?. Hello, we have to guard our own self-respect ok ? Honestly, I've lost the respect I had for you - completely. I know how you guys ran and I know it wasn't on the right path. If you weren't interested, you could have told me ... I'm not a dragon nor a tiger - OH C'MON man ! I BIG lesson learnt ! I am so disappointed in you. And I don't think its going to change till you explain your actions - if its going to be a fair cause .

Argh, forget it man, birds of the same feather , do indeed flock together ! A big total disappointment.
<br>
Work + tuition

Work is really fun. Syah and Li ping are awesome buddies. Syah and I had our fair share of gossips from the good'ol days ( I'm reserving it for some time *winks* ) . Haha anyways, work is easy and I love the environment. Everyone speak GOOD English and it's really cool that I'm stationed at the same office as Doctors who act as General Managers of the HealthCare Group ! I am assigned to organise and transfer medical details into the system and - it's such an insightful project. I learnt alot of different stuff today and it's interesting when you read those files :))

I really don't know what got into my tuition kid's mind - she was a changed person. I think my "funny" threat sealed the deal well. Remember I mentioned that I lost it when she tore my homework and told me that I didn't set any task for her ? I scolded her big time and I told her I won't hesitate to slap the bitch out of her if she repeats the same mistake and I think - I hit the nail hard on the "metal" coffin. She relented and she's a changed person now. She did all her homework and she even paid close attention when I taught her her stuffs. I am really happy that she has changed her behaviour for the better- see I really want her to make it into a Secondary School. I am so petrified if she would fail her PSLE again and be sent to Pathway school. I told her mom that I will push her no matter what and I really really want her to do well. It's March now and I hope she sustains this behaviour till PSLE is over. You know I bought gifts for her because I hate scolding people and I felt bad .. so I decided to give her but then since she was so good today , I manipulated the gifts and told her , I got them for her because she was good today and I also told her that if she wants more gifts in future, remain this way. I hope it works !!

A special shoutout to someone who means alot to me : my dearest sister : Lavan ( the small one ;) )

Hey Lavan, I really can understand, relate to, feel your emotions and cry your tears. I have no power to say : Don't cry. Sometimes crying makes us feel lighter and prepares us to become stronger. See nobody become stronger without falling. But no matter what, I assure you that I am here (alongside all your besties , your soulmate & loverboy, and all your well-wishers) to hold you when you need a support, lend you our shoulders when you need to lend onto and push you when you want to scale higher. We are always here and it will continue to be that way. This emotions in us, will never falter. So babe, spread your wings right now and soar and when you look back , we will be there to cheer you and bring you to success :)

And Lavan, I need to remind you this :- we're born Indians. We watch soap operas and you know that its absolutely vital that we need to witness DRAMA in our lives. If not - we are not Indians. But you know strong Indians have come out of those dramas and made it there. Such dramas shouldn't pull you down. C'mon don't tell me they ( your haters) don't know that they're being childish ? They know it but its just that they enjoy being like that. So let them be. For all we know, they will forget to grow up - but unfortunately, time and tide waits for no man. I know you know what I am trying to get at. So like what you said, they can continue to bark and they're not getting anywhere.

Babe, you are as strong as a diamond. Do you know that ? Diamond in Greek means - Unbreakable. And a polished diamond has the "highest hardness and thermal conductivity". Do you know that a polished diamond can cut a rock ? Infact people use diamond to cut many things in the industrial sector.

God is polishing you big time at this young age so that when you grow up, you will continue to inspire everyone to remain strong. God knows that no matter how hard he kicks you, you will continue to stand up and say "Hey dude, remember, I am unbreakable - try it once more " . Ya ! Thats my sisterooo !! And Lavan, you know how strong you are , those people are just jealous of you, don't ever give in ! Pain is temporary, glory is forever - likewise , Pain is temporary but your inspiration continues to shine ! So, Lavanya DIAMOND Anpha, "when there's comfort, there's no growth : you need to step out of that comfort zone to grow mentally". I love you sisterooooooo !!! Muacks muacks ! ♥ ♥ ♥

2010-03-17T01:31:00.002+08:00

Hello bloggy. I've got a few stuff up my head and I'm so going to blog them out. It may remind some people of their own actions , it may be nostalgic to some , it may induce anger in some and etc etc. And I personally don't care.

Friendships : what do they mean to us ?. Friendship is the one of the most important relationship to me ( other than my family ) . But like everyone, God gave me the opportunity to observe and know more about people's other side - also known as their Dark side. But its really sickening that one would use the name of friendship to fulfill their ulterior motives; such a major shame ! Some people only care about their own feelings and ignore other people's feelings and I think its better to distant ourselves away from such selfish bastards and bitches. Just don't use friendship for a namesake. Learn the real meaning and appreciate its value.

Some people may wonder why I don't GIVE up fast on friendships. Well, I generally give many people many chances but most of the time, they take it to their own advantage and repeat the same mistake again. But God is always there and he watches over us and so , I know that Karma's a bad bitch. That is the only thing I can say.

And of course, I went the extra mile to invite ex-close friends of mine to attend social gatherings and outings but they ignore my invitation as though I was being invisible. Well, the decency in me taught me to respect even my enemy but if that's the amount of lessons your momma or your lifestyle had taught you then I can't comment much. BUT please don't ever think , I stooped low and invited you- because I can never be you. You can delete away friends from your real life just like how you do on Facebook or Friendster. Memories don't mean a shit to you but sorry, this isn't me.

Now this brings me to another doubt. You deleted me and those associated with me from your friend's list. So why is my boyfriend still in your friend's list ? Don't you think its dumb ? or unless you are trying to tell me that you enjoy stalking his account to know the comments we exchange and view our pictures ? . Whatever BITCH !

And yes, I did smile at you then because I didn't forget what you did last year. Its not because I stooped low. Don't forget that. If you cannot be bothered to return that smile , then its not my loss. You don't mean anything to me. Don't forget.

And and and , I hate Indian fuckers who condemn their own race. For instance, they will enjoy watching Wade Robson dance, Chris Brown do his thing , Envy Usher's slick movements and Adore MJ and etc etc but once an Indian do it, they will spit on his face and label him anjadi. Why INDIANS, why ?! I was pissed off with some people's comments with regards to Dance Jodi. Hey fucker, dance like them before you condemn them la. Just because they dance , you call them typical ?! Did your mom tell you that you're super typical to think like a typical Indian retard ?. Please la, if you cannot encourage, at least don't discourage la!

Oh yes, do you guys know that I have tuition assignments on hand ?. I'm currently teaching English and Tamil to an EM3 PSLE-repeat student. Initially I thought she was slow but now I realise that she's absolutely cunning. She loves to watch the TV, play, gossip and do everything except study. I am trying my level best to ensure she studies. Actually, I can just ignore her imbecilic acts and even ignore the fact that she doesn't do her homework and still get paid but I am against this. I believe in ethics and morals. Hence I have to teach and make sure I change her life but she's sucking my blood big time now !!

I gave her a homework to do. She copied the answers from the answer sheet. I realised it and tore away the answer sheet and I gave her another homework. This time she managed to copy it from her old assignments. I took away her old assignments and gave her another set of homework and this time ....... SHE TORE AWAY THE ENTIRE PAGE and told me - you didn't give any homework what ?!. I swear I nearly lost it. Her parents allow me to beat her but I hate beating kids ! I used a cane to cane her palm and I asked her to do the homework infront of me and she could look at the question and stone - trying to waste time. I scolded her and she cursed me under her breathe and I scolded her again and she gave me the bitchy look and rolled her eyes. So what am I to do ?! I still didn't slap her. I issued her a warning saying that I can slap her nicely if she continues to do it again. She was on the verge of tears. I took away her homework and kept it aside and read her a tamil story book and I asked her to act out. She's really bad in English and Tamil and its really tough teaching her. She was happily acting out and I was glad I cheered up her mood. Then I took her homework again and this time she did it well. But how am I to continue to encourage her if her parents are not doing their job well ?!. Tuition isn't the sole provider man, you guys gotta do your work too ! I am suffering .. infact I can QUIT anytime I want to but I hate leaving her like this. Her parents trust me too much.... see Vitz is in a major dilemma.

Life is going to be stressful once March 18 kicks in. I'm starting work on March 18th - office hours. I'll be working as a Medical Data Entry Assistant + Tuition assignment on every Mondays and Thursdays @ Boon Lay + Dance commitments ( and some people are asking me to dance for them for 2 different competitions and I'm so irritated with saying NO .. i have my own dance comp to think about man ) + driving lessons at BBDC + my personal training + spending time with the bf .. we can only spend time when he gets his leave and it's been 1 month and 6 days since we last saw each other. So how ?? Stressed up ! Trust me man ! And I so want to buy a car - maybe a 2nd hand one for now !! **note , I am not asking my Parents to get me a car - I MYSELF getting a car for myself using my own savings **

Talking about Kabi, I'm planning for a romantic get-away. Gopi and Nithya calls it our "honeymoon" ( haha what the hell ) . We so need to catch up on alot of things and Singapore's being a bad place. So I am really planning to go on a vacation with him, thinking of going on a short trip to a Malaysian island/resort or Malacca or even THAILAND ! But the major question is , WHEN ?! Sometimes , I pity myself but then again , its our strength and bond that will help us out of this. And of all shit that can happen, he JUST have to stay in Tampines ! I HATE Tampines because its so far !! Why can't he reside in Bukit Panjang ?! I think people who's boyfriends/girlfriends stay beside them are super lucky. You know, one of my best moments in Tampines would be the time when we sneaked into his house at 230am. Tampines seemed super good at that time but it gets soo noisy and loud in the mornings and I had the journey back to Bukit Panjang. No wonder couples get married fast... but then again.. haizzzz. I miss hugging him , kissing him, just lying on his chest and so many things .. 1 month and 6 days .. what am is going on ?! I sincerely have this desire : for his boss to kick him out of work , so that he can look for a new job and it wouldn't be this bad !

Abd can you believe , we didn't even celebrate V.day. We were supposed to celebrate it on 16th ( his off day) but he got called back to work. And till now, I am yet to pass him my V.Day gift ! It hurts me whenever I see it on my cupboard ! Really sad man .. :(

Haha guess what book this is :P

I've always wanted this book and Gaya mommy bought it for me :)) Gaya is sucha lovable mom :P. She really treats me like her own kid and she pampers me with love and gifts ... hehe :)

and she wrapped it up and passed it to me :P

with the boys :- bhai, babom and naidy

nitzy !

trying to act Jay Sean :P ( PS : all the pictures are up on FB . Too lazy to upload all of them here )

I am sooooooo sad for Becks ! It pains me to see this .. and Becks, I know how painful it is when your dreams get shattered ............ I dislocated my knee 4 days before my Nationals .. don't worry man .. you will get stronger

I LOVE HER MAN !!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's my personal fave in this whole comp ! She's freaking humble ! Compare her to our Singaporean artiste wannabes ! I am not talking about those with the real passion .. I am talking about the ones who take part in competition and think super highly of themselves and condemn others who can sing and take great pride in their stupid singing .. yucks , you disgust me !

PRIYANKA , I love you babe ! Btw she sang my favourite stanza of that song :))

பகல் நேரம் கனாக்கள் கண்டேன் உறங்காமலே
உயிரெண்டு முறாய கண்டேன் நெருங்காமலே
உன்னை என்றி எனக்கு ஏது எதிர்காலமே ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

2010-03-10T12:38:00.002+08:00

I just have to post this man !! Its from the Nijangal Fan's FB and its about the Yamuna-Hari issue. My point.

Loverablebabe Yogeshwari i would neva agree on yamuna's choice.... men r like that ... wad do we we women lack... jus get rid of hari and move on... so wad if she has a baby!!??? if she can manage have the baby if not abort it!! sometime emotionz cover the practical thinking...!!

Minnie Gal
Relax tis is just a Drama...

Uma Nancy

U r only thinking for urself. Just imagine the reverse way, put Yamuna in Hari's Character and see wat is happening... Wat will u be your comment be wen she is begging Hari for a 2nd chance... The truth is not men r like that but now woman are also behaving like that so as a human we have to give a chance to both side... This is not only a drama to relax but its a life changing drama to think....

Vithiya Kumar

well, its true that both the guys n the gals stray like this. Who should you blame it onto ? This one I leave to both of them .. their needs vs their wants

And, I don't understand why whenever a lady gets pregnant, she has to go back to the husband. I know hubbys play a huge role in forming a stronger family nucleus but is it that EASY to forgive the mistake n live on ? It's not even a mistake to begin with. He continuously slept with her .. not by accident but by choice. He was in a conscious state to sleep with her but not think of the repercussion ? Is that fair for Yamuna ? A clear breach of trust.

In my opinion, I strongly feel that as long as a lady is able to support herself, know what she's doing and know her caliber , she can raise the kid by herself. Woman who possess strong character and not seek this (baby issue) has a dumb excuse to patch back with the hubby can raise the kid by herself. Many single mothers have formed a strong foundation for their kids and the latter have been successful in life. Its bullshit when they say you need to consider your options when you're pregnant.

And yes its a life changing drama but if we are going to continue to support our preconceived ideas and stay rooted to this idea then no dramas can change us nor our mindset. I guess its time we women realise our strong character and honour it and not put guys on pedestal just because they're guys ! A real man knows how to commit ! :)

2010-03-10T11:13:00.003+08:00

Hello bloggy ! Trust me guys , I know I've been neglecting my poor blog and I also know that I've got a gazillion photos to upload onto my blog too - well if you don't have me on your Facebook then too bad. All my pictures are up on my FB. So check it out.

Good news first - I did well for my A' levels and I'm proud of myself. Well, I missed school for 2 months and I know I didn't study at all - it was pure last minute stuff. All my teachers and friends know this. And I wasn't expecting much and I was ready to enroll myself into SIM but then, I got the shock of my life of course.

See, I don't understand this - I did mug hard during the first attempt and my cert looked good except for the fact that I got a fucking 'U' for my Econs - and that was supposed to be my best subject. I was and still am angry with Cambridge - why ? - because I got a C for my Econs this time and that is - without studying or , last minute of studying ! So I still don't understand how and why did I get a U then. Fucking misinterpreted ! Damn it ! You guys made me go through 1 year of depression !! Grr

And in this one year, alot changed. My dreams have changed .. and i'm feeling very confused as to what I want to do in life. Initially I wanted to take a degree in Political Science but now , I'm thinking of becoming a GP teacher and that is , to go back to MI and teach GP. So it might be NIE for me ... but I am still confused :P ... Whatever it is , I'm applying to all 3 Universities - NUS , NTU , SMU and SIM maybe ( I like the Banking and Finance course , there are many good prospects in the banking sector and I've a few good friends who are in that line and it's really good ... ) and 2 overseas universities. And once I get the courses , I am going to think through and decide. I am damn confused man ... You know I am even planning to sign on with the Army. I am very interested in their Air defence - the intelligence unit of course ! My cousin Neevan is the main reason behind this interest ! I've always considered becoming a CID with the SPF but SAF looks more satisfying. The only factor that is pulling me back is - family. I want to have a good family nucleus when I settle down and if I'm going to be in SAF, its going to tough for me and Kabi of course... Arrgghh stressed up.

Did I mention ? I got a D for my GP last year and Mdm M was really upset. She wanted me to at least end up with a B because I am her best student for GP and taking into consideration that I've got a huge penchant for going out of point for my essays , she expected me to end up with B and I got D. She blamed herself for my failure to attain B and she was very upset. BUT BUT BUT , this time of course Vithiya got a B for GP ! So I searched for her and went up to her and said " Mdm M , I've got something to show you and i hope you will be happy" and once she saw the B there , she was soooooooooo happy that she gave me a huge bear hug ! That so made my day man ! I am feeling proud of myself man ! And she mentioned " OMG , you totally MIA-ed from school and all the teachers were worried about you and you surprised us with a B ! Omg , Vitz I am so happy for you :)) " Haha and then all of a sudden Mrs Meyer came there and I was giving her this cheeky smile. Well she's my mentor by the way and she knows everything about me from A-Z and she went like "ya la , if you had gone for those GP lessons instead of MIA-ing, you would have gotten an A la" .. HAHA what the hell :P .

The tamil teacher - how can I forget them ?! When I MIA-ed , a certain tamil teacher was noted saying " Vithiya is too complacent, just cos she did well for Tamil Lit last year doesn't mean she will do well again what. She's going to drop big time this year". So of course once the results were out and I still sustained my grades with a B , the tamil teacher went like " ya la , if Vithiya had come for the lessons she would've gotten an A. But don't worry teachers, even if I tried my best , I will still get a B only. I don't have a strong grasp of tamil. I can only think in English and try my level best to translate it to tamil :P. I wish I was strong in tamil like Aravind but no , I am not Aravind , he's too good man ! So yes , I got B last year and I still got B this year :P . Haha .. A big slap on the face for that teacher of course. Some tamil teachers really make our lives hell man !

Either ways, I am HAPPY !! Haha . 2 months of not going to school + not attending any damn lessons + not sitting for any papers in MI (prelims 1 & 2 ) + last minute of studying , I am FINALLY going to a Uni ! How good can that get ? Of course , my haters must be feeling damn fucked up .. too bad. And please, try not to mess with those who have failed because when they come back , they come back STRONGER ! Don't forget that. And at this juncture, I can laugh at those who laughed at me back then , but don't worry, I ain't that cheap. All the best with your future and a big adios to you . I had the last laugh baby :)

And this wouldn't have happened without the support of all my loved ones - friends, parents, well-wishers, random people .. everyone who motivated me :) and a special shoutout to my pillar of support - Gaya. Anyways , I took this from Gaya's blog. Have a read , see how much she wanted me to excel :-

Vitz did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yay!
yay!
yaaaaaaaaaay!!!

anyways,im slow u noe.....
when i saw her results i was just relieved....
like phew!!...oh god...

but i was kind of quiet for some time.....
it happens....
then like u noe...it started sinking in...
vitz has done it sia!!....1 year of pain,hurt,ppl's taunting,humiliation.....everything....she overcame all that shit....to prove every single one of them wrong.....all the times she cried....all her qns to god....everything....it was all just running on my head......
i was just staring at this human in admiration....
n wad was she doing?...
bz reading newspaper....as if nth has happened.....as if the one year of nonsense didnt happen...
she always does this....

vitz,i am really really soooo happy for u sia.....
i suck at showing emotions....
maybe slow?...lol
but really.....im am just soooo sooooo happy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i can't even explain how happy i am dei...really....

and im just tooo proud of u ....(another thing to brag abt :p)
u proved to soooo many of them out there.....like u promised u would...
u dun make empty promises...u proved that....

u've made it to the next level .....n i know u won't rest till u finish strong vitz!...
i'll always be there by ur side,watching u shine....*my pinky promise*
i wanna say sooooo much of stuff...but i can't find the words....dunno wad else to say....

"Its not abt the distance or the pace gaya,.....its all abt finishing strong !...I'm gonna finish strong!" -Vitz

Anyways check out my pictures now. Just some random ones

kabi :)) Due to his stupid work, we haven't been meeting :( .. it's going to be almost a month since I last saw him .. and yes , its going to be our 7th month on thursday .. Haiz and I don't get to see him then too .. I think we need to migrate to Spain ! So that I can spend more time with him !!

Rishi - he can really make me so HAPPY !!!!!!!!!! He's sucha a cute baby !!

I love this picture sooooooooooooooooo much !! Haha , omg !! Btw , we were watching a video clip on Selvi Yakkao's lappie. And I carried him , OMG he's such a baby !!!!!!!! Muacks !!

Adorable ! He was playing with Selvi Akkaoz when I took this pic :)

Me : Ishi, say AHHH
Rishi : AHHHHH Hehehe . Thats Vimzy and Rishi :)

Vimzy was doing sit-ups and Rishi saw that and tried to emulate him :P ... RISHI SOOOOO CUTE LAA :)

Rishi playing :))

Gaya and I did this mohawk for him and he went " AHHH" while I took this picture

He's another baby I can't wait to carry la !! His name is Vicknesh and he's Gopi's cousin brother ! Cute isn't he ?? OMG babies are freaking freaking cute !! Haha !! OMG !!

Imran Khan's Bewafa - he's cute and I LOVE this song man !

Gal Sun Mere tu mutiyare,
Ki samjhe apne aap nu?
Mere vangaro tu Ki ki kardi,
ae gal bus tu hi jandi,
Menu sufayan pesh na kar,
rab kolo thora jeha durr!!
Sikh ja ke pyar karne de val,
jhoote sang sade ik ik pal.

Bewafaaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai ti,
Ni jhootha pyar jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu.
Bewafaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai tu,
ni jhootha pyar, jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu!!

Jado nere mere kol tu hove,
yaadaan vichh door tu khove.
Sanu sadni ae naa oda leke,
tenu pende ode phuleke.
Menu kuch kendi na hun lor,
mera dil torke tu na hun tor,
yaa tere chaida na ho,
saade pyar di nishaniyat tu mor.

Bewafaaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai ti,
Ni jhootha pyar jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu.
Bewafaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai tu,
ni jhootha pyar, jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu!!

Mere zindagi’ch kyu tu ayi?
yaari kyu ni tu nibhayi?
Kiti sadi naal bewafayi,
sanu de kuriyee jawaab?
dus de keri gul di,
sanu deriyee sazaaaa??
Rowe gi menu yaad karke,
rowe gi menu yaad karke!!

Bewafaaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai ti,
Ni jhootha pyar, jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu.
Bewafaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai tu,
ni jhootha pyar, jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu!!

Bewafaaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai ti,
Ni jhootha pyar jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tu.
Bewafaaa bewafaaa,
bewafa nikli hai tu,
ni jhootha pyar, jhootha pyar,
jhoota pyar kita hai tuu!!

Well that highlighted verse means : Unfaithful, unfaithful, unfaithful, that’s what you turned out to be ; Fake love, fake love, fake love is what you gave to me. Man I like it soo much !! And if you want the whole translation , do let me know and i'll tell you

2010-02-12T02:33:00.002+08:00

The 6th month anniversary went really super well and I'm quite lazy to upload the pictures instantly muahaha. Chill alright ?.

And I still say , there can only be one MUSE ! MUSE.MUSE.MUSE.MUSE !! I am so fucking MUSE-d !!. Omg !! I so regret not going for their concert and babom's rubbing it in because he went for their concert and got a good seat because he got their most expensive ticket !! *jealous*.

Thoughts of a dying atheist ( LIVE AB Brussels )

Omg ! I would have cried my heart out if I was there. Omg , excellent !! I really don't know how else to describe the feelings ... MUSE MUSE MUSE MUSE !!!!!!!!!! MUSE 4LIFE !

Eerie whispers
trapped beneath my pillow
won't let me sleep
your memories

I know you're in this room
I'm sure I heard you sigh
floating in-between
where our worlds collide

It scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
and it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
yea yea yeaaaaa yea yea
yea yea yea
yea yea o aaa oaaaaaaa!!

I know the moment's near
and there's nothing we can do
look through a faithless eye
are you afraid to die?

It scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
and it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
yea yea yeaaaaa yea yea
yea yea yea
yea yea o aaa oaaaaaaa!!

[Instrumental]

It scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
and it scares the hell out of me
and the end is all I can see
yea yea yeaaaaa yea yea
yea yea yea
yea yea o aaa oaaaaaaa!!

2010-02-11T03:14:00.002+08:00

Hey Romeo , Happy 6th !

Yes , it's our 6th month anniversary and I'm so happy. Well, we've been together for 1/2 a year now and to be frank, it's been the best ever 1/2 year for me. I'm glad I met my Romeo. I can't wait for tomorrow !! Yay !!

Truly, Madly, Deeply

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful
'Cos I'm counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.
Chorus

I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...
Verse 2

And when the stars are shining brightly
In the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish
Send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy
For all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded
By the comfort and protection of..
The highest power.
In lonely hours.
The tears devour you..
I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...
Bridge

Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cos it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do...
Chorus

I love you baby :))

Oh yes, allow me to share this particular joke with all of you'll. During dance on Saturday, I had this very mischievous idea and obviously, i acted upon it too. I told my dance mates " guys, hmm just to let you'll know, Kabi and I are going to get engaged by the end of this year". HAHA and everyone got so happy and shocked at the same time. Lavan almost jumped with joy. Haha so cute. Oh well, don't worry.. it won't come anytime soon. Still long way to go la. I know my friends are all getting engaged and married but hey, I prefer a late marriage (not really actually, infact I can't wait to be married but well, career comes first for me) . I'll countdown to that big day though :P. Haha ok , I'm super love-struck .. so please pardon me .. :P

2010-02-07T18:18:00.002+08:00

Holla bloggy !!

My Sunday started at 230pm. Gopi woke me up from my deep slumber. Yes, I know.. but I only slept at 5am. Anyways, Invictus is really inspiring. I love it and I think Morgan Freeman And Matt Damon do deserve the the accolades and recognition. Wooohoo.

Since my Sunday started so late, my dad was scolding me for washing the laundry so late into the day and for all those tasks that were left undone. I hate it when people ruin my Sunday. Just this month or towards the end of last month, someone badly ruined my Sunday and I totally hated it. If you know me well, just stay away from even staging a plan to ruin my Sunday. I have a low threshold for tolerance on a chill-out Sunday.

And yes, I can't help but channel my attention to this particular thing that has been going around for a couple of days. I really don't understand what the hell is your problem. Why aren't you seriously considering to find a closure for those things that happened in your past ? Why are you making YOUR problem into other people's problem ? Do you even realise that you are losing so many things just because of your decision to NOT stop brooding over the past ? Why why why ?. Honestly I am so sick and tired of seeing you go back to square one. 3/4 of the people around me aren't buying your story and believe that there's something more than just that. Well, I am convincing myself to buy your story. I hope you didn't lie to me and I really hope that your current mode or thoughts didn't bring about that decision.

And I really don't like it when people throw their tantrum onto me. I'm not your punching bag to withstand it all. I don't owe you a living. And I frankly don't appreciate people being rude to me. Now I really understand what they meant. Thank God, I realised it now.

Anyways, to my other fellow readers, check this out. The lyrics are awesome and I love it. The absolute truth. Listen to it peeps and reflect !

Kris Allen - live like we're dying

Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up
we're hiding behind skin that's too tough
how come we don't say I love you enough
till it's to late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
we could make a feast from these crumbs
and we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
so if your life flashed before you
what would you wish you would've done

Yeah... gotta start
lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
gotta live like we're dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies
who would you call with your last goodbyes
should be so careful who we live out our lives
so when we long for absolution
there'll no one on the line

Yeah... gotta start
lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
gotta live like we're dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying oh-- like we're dying [x2]

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live -- like we're dying

We never know a good thing till it's gone
you never see a crash until it's head on
all those people right when we're dead wrong
you never know a good thing till it's gone

Yeah... gotta start
lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
this is all we got and we gotta start livin it
every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
gotta live like we're dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying oh -- like we're dying [x2]

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
turn it all around or throw it all away
we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
while we got the chance to say
gotta live like we're dying
live like we're dying
[Fade out]

2010-02-06T03:10:00.002+08:00

Hello blog. I'm acquiring more lazy bones nowadays. Gosh, I so need to pump up some adrenaline to get my system running. Anyways , I'm currently One Republic-ed. I am head over heels with 'all the right moves'. Wooohoo. Its the bomb.

Anyways I've got something interesting. Its just oh-so-beautiful !

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Muse - Muscle Museum

She had something to confess to
But you don’t have the time so
Look the other way
You will wait until it's over
To reveal what you’d never shown her
Too little much too late

Too long trying to resist it
You’ve just gone and missed it
It's escaped your world

Can you see that I am needing
Begging for so much more
Than you could ever give
And I don’t want you to adore me
Don’t want you to ignore me
When it pleases you
And I’ll do it on my own

I have played in every toilet
But you still want to spoil it
To prove I’ve made a big mistake
Too long trying to resist it
You’ve just gone and missed it
It's escaped your world

Can you see that I am needing
Begging for so much more
Than you could ever give
And I don’t want you to adore me
Don’t want you to ignore me
When it pleases you
And I’ll do it on my own
I’ll do it on my own

Anyways, on a final note :- I'm pretty disappointed but I've grown over these years and I've tuned myself to adjust to those changes as soon as they come by. So if you think I'm going to crumple, let me assure you, I won't. The stars are watching out and I know they will answer those unanswered questions.

Ok , Valentine's day is around the corner and I'm very excited for our Valentine's day celebration. We'll be celebrating our 6th month anniversary and V.day together. What can I say, love is in the air and I'm getting too love-struck, thanks to Kabi-'romantic'-Lan. L.O.V.E is A.D.D.I.C.T.I.V.E !

2010-01-15T16:09:00.002+08:00

Hello bloggy . I feel alot lazier these days . I am yet to blog about my amazing birthday celebration and all . Well , hang in there . I'll be posting about it soon . Real soon :) .

And finally , I managed to watch Vettaikaran . I've got certain points to talk about .. so please hang in there :P

Firstly , I am extremely disappointed with the storyline . But contrary to my disappointment , the film's declared to be a mega hit . I really don't know what to say .. but I'm very disappointed with my favourite actor's choice of movies and etc .

Positive points

Well lets look at the positive side of Vettaikaran . I really think all the songs in this movie are super good . My personal favourite is 'Karigalan' . I love the lyrics and both Krish's and Suchitra's voices in 'Oru Chinna Thamarai' song . And I personally think the beats in 'Puli Urumudthu' is amazing . It's such a dance-able song ! Woohooo :P . I am sooooo surprised with Vijay Anthony's composition . I only know that he is well versed at giving catchy compositions but in this movie , he proved to really versatile - showing a diversification of his ranges of compositions ( remember , it's not just the diversification of compositions here , but it's the diversification of the ranges of the compositions ) . Kudos dude ! .

Its pretty obvious that Vijay really sweat is all-out for this movie . You can literally see his hardwork in this movie . He must really be damn upset with the turn out of Villu but I'm glad that he managed to comeback stronger .

I like one of the idea that they brought into the movie - to self-finance your own education . Well , I appreciate such a mature thought . Vijay kind of mentioned that it's not wrong to work and study at the same time . Cool ! I am also glad that he decided to take after his idol and follow his footsteps . I mean having a positive idol propels one to success . Good one there !

Vijay and Anushka's dance movements are really good . She can really complement him well . Vijay once again proved that he's an amazing dancer . Woohoo !!

Bad points

I am freaking disappointed with the movie ! Really really disappointed .

1) I feel that this movie was loosely based on 'Sathyam' - for idolising a Police officer and wanting to follow his footsteps and the same police officer going MIA when something bad crops up , 'Thirupachi' - for the whole of "come-to-Chennai-and-you-will-be-shocked-with-its-atrocities" concept , and ' Bagavathi' - for choosing to go the wrong way and by changing himself for this decision and staying away from the gf . I am really sick of watching movies that ALWAYS have the same concept playing on the repeat mode !

2) Anushka's a very good actoress . I really respected her for her role in Arundhati . It's not easy to portray the character of 'Jakkamma' . But she did it and the best thing is , she is such a bubbly girl who loves to play around at the film sets and yet she could tone her state down and portray such a serious and strong role ! Hats off to her ! . And the saddest part is , they didn't make use of her talent in this movie . In all Vijay movies , he gets the limelight . The heroines are generally those girls who fell in love with him , dance with him for some songs and then disappear for the rest of the movies or at times , try to persuade him to drop all the violence and then they will disappear and then they will come back in the final scene to bid farewell to the audience alongside the Vijay . Seriously !! What the hell is this . Can we see a different storyline ? Like you know , a strong hero and heroine role in a Vijay film ? Something like "Thulladha Manamum Thullum" story ? Like where both Vijay and Simran had the chance to show off their talent and at the end of the movie , you will be left wondering as to who outrun the other ! Stop using the heroines just for the sake of glamour ! Ridiculous girls like Namitha should be used to portray such glamour roles - not the strong actoresses . It's such a pity when your talent doesn't get portrayed !

3) Vijay looks the same in all his movies - ever since Ghilli . I mean , in order to do certain roles , you need to change your looks and this is the toughest part in acting . For instance , Surya acted as an handicap , psycho , someone with a memory loss , as a teenager and etc etc ( the list goes on ) . You know , when you do such roles with a different get-up , it brings about a refreshing change in the actor . Change is the only constant thing in today's world ! Agree ? . Then why isn't change being brought into tamil films ? . Like I've mentioned , its not easy to change your get-up and act and besides that , you have to evolve into that character and be like that character till your entire shooting completes . It's definitely not an easy task to evolve into another character and live as that character for months till the shooting ends . For example , "do you think Kamalhassan put the make-up required to be a Japanese dude in "Dasaavataaram" within a few hours , spoke in Japanese and played the character within an instant and got it over and done with ? Obviously NOT !! Nothing can be achieved overnight ! It's a gradual hardwork - requiring research , portrayal , trying to act out bits of it infront of a mirror , getting praises and criticism .

Now ask this question : Have we ever seen our Vijay as a blind man ? , handicap ? , retarded ? , as an italian dude ? . All we know off is , people celebrating his heroism in the film , he beating up the hooligans , his anger and etc etc . I am really tired of this ! I don't want my favourite actor to be seen as someone who is known for heroism only ! We people remember Kamal for his acting and Rajini for his style . Ultimately , it's acting prowess that makes us wanna watch a film not style or heroism . I mean if the latter was the deciding factor then why was "Baba" , "Villu" , "ATM" declared a failure ? . Vijay really wants to show his best and it's such a pity when they use his hardwork to promote his own heroism . I really wish Vijay can shred that heroism and act ! .

4) Vijay's ambition was to become a Police officer in this film and at the end of the film , he becomes a thug - someone who uses violence to correct/amend the atrocities in the country . You know , this is also known as terrorism . You instigate terror in people . Veerappan was known to do "good" for people , Tamil Tigers were known to do "good" for people and yet they were labelled as Terrorist because they used violence . I mean , why did they break his ambition in this film ? . Then think about how his parents would feel and etc ? . He didn't have the need to study if he were to become a thug ! . Alternatively , they should have brought a better idea into the movie . If a goon can join politics and become a minister overnight , then what about the educated Vijay ? . You can STILL do good without the need to resort to violence . This idea was brought into 2 good movies - 'Muthalvan' and "Aayutha Ezhuthu" ( yes there were some violence but was it the crux of the whole story ? ) . I really think , such Vijay movies are giving alot of people the wrong idea . More and more youths will stop thinking and continue to use violence to achieve their needs instead of using their red-hot determination to do good for the whole country by joining politics and etc . Well maybe , no wonder why we have all the oldies taking charge of the political arena of India . Haiz

5) And I'm really tired of watching "omg , Madras/Chennai is such a bad place that is filled with rowdies/thugs/hooligans and yada yada " . It really brings a shame to the place itself . I mean we all have been to Chennai before and do we like see all this things happening there ? I mean of course they do exist but c'mon , why keep brooding about the whole idea over and over again ? . And even the police are not capable to correct the wrongdoings and we need our hero to SINGLE-HANDEDLY correct the wrongdoings ? Are they looking down on their police then ? Or are they trying to show corruption very subtle-ly ? . I really don't know . But I'm personally tired !! .

6) I think the ONLY reason why the movie was such a hit is because of the good songs , good beats and the existence of media - Sun Pictures . In case you people don't know anything about Sun Pictures , let me give a brief . It's own by Kalanithi Maran . They were just production company that used to promote channels and they managed to break into the film industry . For example , Sun Pictures buys the distribution rights of a film ( usually go for films that have famous heros/heroines to boost the revenue that would come in ) and Sun Pictures then would use its extensive publicity tools to advertise the films . They kind of use "persuasive" advertising than using "informative" advertising . And we ALL know the majestic power of advertising . So yes . And the most interesting thing is , all the movies that were advertised under this banner had been hit films . And guys , Kalanithi Maran was even named as " Television King of Southern India by Forbes !! and Sun TV itself was listed on the Bombay Stock Exchange . Hmm and yes , he used to be India's 20th richest person ... I think this is certainly a very good business . As long as people keep producing such movies and promote heroism , you get to earn money !! . Sounds good ?? .

7) When is tamil cinema see movies with good concepts - like these good hindi films :-

1)3 Idiots
2) Taare Zameen Par
3) Rang De Basanti
4) Mangal Pandey : The rising
5) Chak De! India
6) Jodhaa Akbar
7) Fashion
8) Race
9) Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi
10) Dostana ........ etc !

2010-01-05T01:03:00.002+08:00

Hello bloggy !

Actually , I'm loving my life alot now . Apart from the stress that I attain from looking high and low for a job , life's good . Since I'm banned from exercising due to the blood blister on my toenail , I've been spending my free time with much quality . For a good start , I'm back with one of my most favourite hobbies - reading ! . I should thank Mr Kabi-o for it of course . Well , please wait before you guys jump into any conclusions . Kabi-o hates reading . Haha . Well he brought me for the Sherlock Holmes movie and that propelled me to touch my books again .

I've always been a die-hard Sherlock Holmes fan . I love reading stories about him and he instigated my love to become a detective when I grow up . Trust me peeps , I would always make my own deductions , analysis and all whenever I read good books . You guys should check out my "Angels and Demons " , "Da Vinci Code" , "Tuesdays with Morrie" and etc - they'll be extremely dirty and messy with post-its , highlights and loads of foolscap papers stuck in between the pages . Anyways , let me continue my rant before I go off the tangent . I didn't really enjoy Sherlock Holmes movie . They changed Holmes' character . He's nothing like how they portrayed him in the movie and obviously , being an ardent lover of Holmes' , I got frustrated . But the only 2 consolations were - 1) Jude Law was acting and 2) HANS ZIMMER's composition !! . Oh my crazy hell !!! He's excellent ! He's soooooooooooo good ! I loved each and every composition in that movie ! I'm soo going to purchase the movie's soundtrack ! It's simply freaking good ! . Perhaps , I should add - I'm a huge fan of Hans Zimmer ! .

And I've been watching a plethora of different films and obviously , all are hindi flicks . No offence , but in case my readers didn't know , I have special preference for hindi films . They're my priority , followed by English films , Tamil , Thai , Japanese/Korean and Local films . And I was watching Dil Bole Hadippa and the dvd had to be spoilt . Grrrr . I was furious . I asked the aunty for a brand new dvd ( for rental ) and she told me she only had 1 of that . So she asked me to exchange it for another film . I decided to watch "Fashion" . It was a movie by Madur Bhandarkar . He's so well known for coming up with excellent concepts , realistic films and etc . He also has a penchant for putting up female artiste as the main protagonist in his films ! It's such a refreshing unique exploration that he has made in his films . And of course , he's a National Award winner ! .

Fashion - Part 1 . Click on this and watch the entire flick :)

Well , fashion explores a very interesting concept known as "casting couch" . Well it technically means that you sell your body to gain entry into the job of your choice - most of the time - the cinema , music , modelling industries . The main protagonist - Meghna Mathur ( played by Priyanka Chopra ) aspires to become a supermodel and she leaves her hometown to become a supermodel . She has a gay bestfriend who's an assistant to a top designer . She went to Mumbai to become a model based on his advice . Her journey to become a model was fraught with obstacles . Eventually she'll become an ordinary model and that's when she realises that in order to be a supermodel , she need to be the showstopper for the fashion show and during her stint as an ordinary model , Shonali Gujral was the showstopper and she was a pretty arrogant woman who smoked , got herself drunk and abused drugs . Soon after , Meghna becomes the new face of a major modelling agency and she becomes a supermodel . She was becoming more and more famous each day . Her newfound fame gave her an air of complacency and arrogance and her rise to fame also affected her relationship and she broke up with her boyfriend and continued modelling . Shonali Gujral was kicked out of being the supermodel and Meghna replaced her . Shonali became an heavy drunkard and was heavily addicted to drugs . Shonali was on a downward spiral towards her own demolition . Meghna also started an affair with her boss and was growing arrogant . Soon she became pregnant and was kicked out my the modelling agency and her boss asked her to go for an abortion because according to the contract that she signed , she is not allowed to be pregnant . Well , apparently , the unwritten rule is - her boss is allowed to sleep with her and yet , she cannot threaten him with it nor become pregnant . She was depressed and she lost her status as a supermodel due to her arrogance and complacency . She was heavily addicted to alcohol and abused drugs and was literally destroying herself and her image . Then one fine day , she had too much of drugs and she clubbed her night away at a club and ended up being on bed with a black man . She was knocked off her senses due to her intoxication and it happened . Soon she lost all her desire to be a model and her self confidence reached its nadir and she flew back to her hometown . She was in exile for 1 year and her dad 0 who was against modelling , motivated her to go back to modelling and encouraged and gave her confidence to do well .

She went back to being a supermodel and it was a herculean task for her and most of them who were acquainted with her arrogance gave her the boot and she was struggling to make it big . She managed to become an ordinary model and during her walk down the ramp , she froze on stage because of her own fear of the past . And soon after , she gets to know that Shonali Gujral is now a depressed alcoholic and drug addict and has become a destitute . She decided to revamp Shonali's life and brought her home . Soon after , Meghna gets an opportunity to become the showstopper for a fashion show and Shonali was Meghna's pillar of support . Then one day , Shonali goes missing and it was Meghna's big day . Before she took the ramp , she gets to know Shonali was found dead on the streets due to drug overdose . This terribly affected Meghna and she couldn't walk the ramp . Her phobia of her past kicked in and she froze on stage . Somehow , she plucked up the courage and made that walk down the ramp . She dedicated her comeback to Shonali's support and she gets selected to be a model in Paris .

I like this story because , Madhur managed to highlight the dark side of fashion so aptly . When you watch the movie , you will understand why most of the famous artiste in the world are addicted to drinks , cigarettes and drugs . And the practice of casting couch still exist ! . It's such a pity because artiste are not as innocent , good and etc as how their characters portray them as . And it's very depressing to know that your idol may turn out to be a consensual victim of casting couch . I like the hard-smacking reality that Madhur introduced in this film . And now , I'm all equipped to watch his next film - "Jail" which will highlight the jail conditions in India .

The 2nd movie that I watched was "Wake up Sid"

I think this is a cute and romantic hindi flick . It shows how an immatured , carefree college student comes of age . I was really smiling from ear to ear when I was watching this flick . I like this movie man . It is has alot of happy stuff inside . Haha :P . Please do watch it too peeps .

2010-01-02T03:31:00.002+08:00

Hello 2010 !!!!!!!

Anyways I realised that I didn't end my "Year-end" blog post but then again , its ok . It's over . WELCOME 2010 !!!!!!! . I was out with Kabi-O earlier on . What a great start of an awesome year ?! . My new year was FANTABULOUS again . Spending time with the boyfriend was too good :P . Kabi-O and I met Keerr and Vinot too . New Year was fantastic ! .

CAREBEAR

Anyways , I am sad now . Well , incase my readers don't know this , I am super super attracted to the LOVE ALOT CAREBEAR ! . It's red in colour and it's super super cute . Actually I was sooo into the bed time carebear - the blue one but I think the LOVE ALOT CAREBEAR IS FREAKING CUTEEEEEEE . I already have Amigo carebear ( orange ) and bedtime carebear . Now I am yearning to have the LOVE ALOT CAREBEAR - I want the HUGE ONE ! . While Kabi and I was out , I saw a very HUGE love alot carebear and I was soo excited and I told him " OMG KABI ! LOOK AT THE CAREBEAR " and he instantly grabbed me away from the shop and dragged me all the way to the escalator . Honestly , I would've cried ! I LOVE CAREBEAR !! I am sooooooooooo going to buy that baby home !!

OMG ! Isn't he/she SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE ?! I WANT ONE !!